NWGRITS

Your children have to come first. No excuses. Waiting until he kills them is a bit too late. They need to know that they are to call you NO MATTER WHAT if they are being asked or told to get into a vehicle with someone who has been drinking.

LexieCat

Frankly, I think the quickest/easiest thing to do is to call CPS. They will interview the kids, you, and him. With the DV history and the kids' report, as well as your account of his history of alcoholism my guess is that they will bar him from the kids at least until their investigation is complete.

freetosmile

This is horrible!! I'm so sorry your children had to go through so much trauma. At this point, I don't personally think it matters if their father gets angry with them. What he did was wrong and to ask them to not tell you is even more wrong!! How dreadful! HUGS!! So very sorry.

myfreedom

I know i must do something NOW about this. I just dont know which route to take.

NYCDoglvr

I would never let children ride with someone who drinks alcoholically. I wouldn't care if the alcoholic promised never to drink when driving, I wouldn't trust the person. The potential consequences are too horrific.

LexieCat

Pennsylvania's DUI law makes it a first degree misdemeanor (up to five years in prison) if there is a child under 18 in the car. That would seem to suggest the Commonwealth takes it pretty darned seriously.

Hammer

Lexie just told you.

Perhaps it is a glasses thing.

I need new ones, too.

So a little LARGER may help.

CALL CPS

Do you know their number?

timeagain

Talking to him will not change anything, just gets him mad at kids and will manipulate more. Write down anything the kids tell you in a journal. Keep track of everything. Us al-Anons are great and responding, instead of responding be preventive. For instance, you KNOW he drives drunk (any dwi's?) than no over nights and you drop off/pick up. If you know the kids are in immediate danger, police. But going to him will put this kids in the middle and you want them to keep talking to you, they are learning secret keeping. Tell them we do not keep secrets in this family. We talk, and if someone says not to say anything to anyone than that's not healthy behavior. It's actually a sign you have to say something. No secrets. Sit down with your kids and let them know they can keep talking to you. Don't pry for info.

myfreedom

If he knows that they tell me something then he drills them and gets upset. He has had 2 DUI's and does not have his license back yet from the second one because he needs a breathalyzer. It just makes me sooo mad because he is trying so hard to win me over with all his loving life stories about how we can be and then he does this. Its so hard not to say something to him and tell him how much of an irresponsible idiot he is. Meanwhile he keeps acting like he is innocent and everything is my fault.

LexieCat

If he is driving without a license, why are you even letting him pick the kids up? That seems like a no-brainer (and I'm not suggesting you are brainless, just mean that that standing alone is reason enough not to allow it, regardless of whether he is sober). The STATE considers him a big enough risk that they took his license.

Don't discuss it with him, just DO what it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY and OBLIGATION to do.

Katchie

Yep...no lisence then it's illegal for him to pick up the kids and take them anywhere because it's illegal for him to even be driving. It being illegal takes it out of your hands. Here's a thought...if he is CAUGHT by authorities with you kids, what will that mean legally for you that you knowingly allowed him to take them and commit an illegal act? I know I my state I would have legal consequences and my children could be taken. Just something to think about. It's much bigger than worrying how upset he will be. I know it's hard. I was where u are this time last year I'm ashamed to say. Find your moxie for you and your kids.

FeelingGreat

Well MF, there's your answer. He's driven without a licence. He shouldn't drive the truck at all. All you need to say is that the children told you he'd driven them; no need to mention the drinking if it puts them in a bad position.
But apart from that, he has 2 DUIs. A history of driving under the influence!
Look, I know you want to protect the children from him, but you need to set an example of standing up to him, not tip-toeing around his moods.
You will need to revise the visitation arrangements so there's no possibility of him driving with them in the truck.

Hang onto MAD. No overnights, you do all the transport.

myfreedom

I am getting ready to fill him in on my new arrangements. No more overnights and no more having them in his truck.

Florence

Agreed. Stand your ground. He will huff and puff, but despite all the threats he can't blow this house down.

hopeful4

Um, one very simple solution......if he is driving w/no license, call the police and tell them. I hope your name is not on the title of that vehicle. I would make it very very clear to your children they are not to get into a car w/someone who is drinking or someone who has no license!!!!! Make sure they have cell phones to call you if they need to.

I am glad you are telling him no overnights and no driving.

myfreedom

He is trying to say he only had a couple and then soda. Im overreacting. My daughter said he is full of crap but is now upset because I told him I knew.
He is telling me to get over it!!!!! The kids were not in danger

hopeful4

Ya, it does not matter if it's one or one hundred. If you don't set a zero tolerance for drinking around the kids it will escalate into more. Said from a person with experience in this unfortunately.......

Katchie

Drinking soda, water, koolaid...WHATEVER...even driving with a halo on his head is ILLEGAL for him to be doing, period, and that's not overreacting. I know the fear of what he will do/say is gut wrenching..hugs to you. I know you will do the right thing.

Florence

Let the police sort it out. Call someone, police, CPS. Create a paper trail.

myfreedom

He is coming up with excuse after excuse. His front end on his truck is bad and he didn't run off road. He wouldn't do anything to harm his kids and i need to stop being negative all the time and realize he is a better man than that!!!!!!!!