cherra

I really am OK with the upcoming divorce. I mourned and hoped all summer and even gave him a second chance so I have no regrets. But I am having a real hard time shaking this incredible sadness. I don't know if I'm going to get to keep my house, where I'm going to live, and if I keep the house, I'll probably have to change jobs to make more to be able to afford it. My daughter is still in therapy and still so angry and hurt. My soon to be ex-in-laws have cut all communication. They were my family for 37 years! I guess what I hate the most is the uncertainty of the future. I just want it over and settled. I want to put it all behind me and start over. I'm so tired.

suki44883

(((HUGS))) cherra. It's so hard, but please know that, even though you see no answers right now, they will come. You will do whatever it is you need to do. If it means losing your house, you will deal with that. I lost my dream home due to a divorce, but you know what? I came out okay. I have a smaller home now, but it is MINE and I love it and it is my sanctuary full of peace and serenity. The same will happen for you. You are going to be just fine, cherra.

LexieCat

Hang in there, sweetie. I know it's exhausting and draining. You're going to come through this just fine, however uncertain everything looks right now. You're doing the right thing for yourself and your daughter.

Can you try to think of small things to give you a bit of pleasure every week? Even if you don't feel like it. Sometimes it helps just to get moving. Maybe meet a friend for coffee and dessert, go to a bookstore and browse, whatever sounds like it might be fun if you weren't feeling sad.

Hugs,

Redheadsusie

I understand where you are coming from. I am still in our house and don't know if I can keep it if I will buy him out or if I will have to sell it. The sadness came for me this weekend too so I called friends and family and kept myself busy take one day at a time - do something special for yourself even if it is something little. You are worth it!

amy55

Hi cherra,

I do know how you are feeling. I went thru that. I am now in my own house. A lot smaller then where I did live. Also a lot less expensive. A log cabin. Fear of the unknown, I never thought I could adjust to something that was so far from the norm for me. I moved to a different state, to an area that I knew nothing about.

I still get depressed at times, but when I read your thread tonight, I looked around at all of the things that I do have. I'm sitting here looking at my living room with the Christmas tree up and the lights shining bright, watching my 4 cats prematurely taking down my Christmas decorations, and just laughing and loving them.

I think I remember your daughter was in college. Did she return for this semester? Is she coming home for Christmas? Perhaps look for little things around where you live for things that you can do together. Do they put on small plays where you live? Get some tickets for that. Plan some outings for you and your daughter. Just go for a ride in your car and look at the Christmas lighting and decorated houses.

When I left, and also after the divorce I took nothing from my house except for my clothing, the pots and pans, utensils, and some plates. It was better that way. Now everything is done in my taste.

We're all here for you. You found a family here.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))
amy

SeriousKarma

((((((( Cherra ))))))))

Sounds like there might be a bit of anxiety mixed in with the sadness. I know how that goes.

You may want to read Honeypig's post on the forum tonight from The Language of Letting Go had me thinking about you.

Eauchiche

Right there with you, Cherra! I know it's rather crushing at times. I am so thankful for the support here and AlAnon.

Catherine628

I'm so sorry you are having a tough time. We had to sell our dream home this summer due to divorce /addiction. I still get sad about that at times but it's nice to make memories in my new place. There were too many reminders in the other house. It was emotional just being there.

I also feel like I have lost half of my family. I try to focus on friends and the family I have left. Someone at church was telling me about divorce/singles groups. I know there are opportunities out there when I'm ready.

I hope you can make some happy memories or maybe start some new traditions this year.

freetosmile

Sadness is hard to shake. Sometimes, and this is just me, I allow myself to linger in the sadness for a little while. Just absorb it and WORK THROUGH it! I think that distraction and trying to focus on all the positives sometimes takes away the sadness, but only for a moment. Be sad and allow yourself to FEEL the sadness...just don't let it consume you. Know when it's time to let go of it.

So sorry you are hurting.

cherra

I would say that I'm really fighting depression right now but that would be a lie. I'm more like embracing it and wallowing in it. My daughter in taking finals this week and then will be home for 3 weeks. She keeps me distracted but it's also stressful to keep so much inside so I won't upset her. This all started on the two year anniversary of my mom's passing. She loved my soon to be XAH and this would have killed her but she loved me more and she would have taken him with her! She had a little house in our back yard and it will be harder to leave it than our house if I don't get to keep it. On another note: I don't miss AH and the life we had at all but I really really really miss the life I thought we would have. I pictured us in our senior years on the porch with a yard full of Grands and Great-Grands. I know that was unreasonable because I was already not wanting the Grands around him most of the time. I just miss what could have been. I'm going to try to count blessings today. Try and get out of this Funk. Maybe Fake it til I feel it. Thanks all!

LexieCat

I'm a big fan of faking it till you make it. It's like exercising when you are out of shape. You have to go through the motions to get any results.

One expression I've heard "in the rooms" that I like very much is that it's easier to act yourself into right thinking than it is to think yourself into right acting.

FeelingGreat

Cherra, you may need to leave the house, but it's just a house, and you can get a smaller one that you can make your own. I've seen a few friends tie themselves in knots over leaving their marital home, only to find that setting up a new place was exciting and therapeutic. Don't forget to get one with a yard for the GC.
I really feel for you about losing your in-laws. What a pity they think it's necessary to take sides. I have no doubt they have lost a lot, and they feel it as your husband's problems become more obvious.