What Do People Mean By Codependence?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Originally Posted by Fandy 
Oh good grief!!! do NOT get caught with ANY DRUGS in a port...they WARN YOU about all of this when you get off and on the ship....the legal ramifications could be a flipping nightmare along with expenses.
so your entire "vacation" depends on his ability to get high and drink?
"he is not willing" to do much of anything he doesn't want to.....
as they say around here....he is SHOWING YOU WHO HE IS....BELIEVE HIM.
at the risk of being negative Nancy...I think he will be drinking and picking fights with you long before March. I hope I am wrong.
Your whole world is tied up in what he wants....can you see this? I am not berating you, but he sounds like a selfish, self-centered child.
so your entire "vacation" depends on his ability to get high and drink?
"he is not willing" to do much of anything he doesn't want to.....
as they say around here....he is SHOWING YOU WHO HE IS....BELIEVE HIM.
at the risk of being negative Nancy...I think he will be drinking and picking fights with you long before March. I hope I am wrong.
Your whole world is tied up in what he wants....can you see this? I am not berating you, but he sounds like a selfish, self-centered child.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Originally Posted by Justbreathe1980
My husband has drank several times on previous vacations - one trip to Hawaii, a cruise, and a lake trip. For some reason, he was not belligerent on those vacations because he was always doing something fun and was relaxed. There were no real problems. So I have faith this time that things will be similar. My worry is him returning to no drinking when we get back. But I am not worried about the cruise, just a gut feeling.
I'm just going to be really honest here....you have lost yourself in this man. This man's alcoholism has you trapped somewhere inside of him and you are banking EVERYTHING on HIS actions. I have done that as well...but my time has come to an end.
I'm no where NEAR recovered, but I know that everyday you compromise your comfort and well being for the sake his alcoholism is another day you will NEVER get back.
What is the number one regret from al-anon AND AA members?
I WISH I HAD DONE SOMETHING SOONER.
Don't give the precious days of your life away banking on someone elses "projected" recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Originally Posted by freetosmile
Sorry, I really really am sorry....but you are missing the BIG PICTURE!!! I believe what everyone is telling you is that if he is already planning to drink and it's only December...he will drink long before March! (probably)
I'm just going to be really honest here....you have lost yourself in this man. This man's alcoholism has you trapped somewhere inside of him and you are banking EVERYTHING on HIS actions. I have done that as well...but my time has come to an end.
I'm no where NEAR recovered, but I know that everyday you compromise your comfort and well being for the sake his alcoholism is another day you will NEVER get back.
What is the number one regret from al-anon AND AA members?
I WISH I HAD DONE SOMETHING SOONER.
Don't give the precious days of your life away banking on someone elses "projected" recovery.
I'm just going to be really honest here....you have lost yourself in this man. This man's alcoholism has you trapped somewhere inside of him and you are banking EVERYTHING on HIS actions. I have done that as well...but my time has come to an end.
I'm no where NEAR recovered, but I know that everyday you compromise your comfort and well being for the sake his alcoholism is another day you will NEVER get back.
What is the number one regret from al-anon AND AA members?
I WISH I HAD DONE SOMETHING SOONER.
Don't give the precious days of your life away banking on someone elses "projected" recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Sorry, I really really am sorry....but you are missing the BIG PICTURE!!! I believe what everyone is telling you is that if he is already planning to drink and it's only December...he will drink long before March! (probably)
I'm just going to be really honest here....you have lost yourself in this man. This man's alcoholism has you trapped somewhere inside of him and you are banking EVERYTHING on HIS actions.
this.....this is no way to live....
OK, you love vacations....(so do I)...you want to relax, do fun in the sun stuff and enjoy yourself..You sound as though you will have a giant knot in your stomach and you have 90 more days before you even leave.
How about he stays home and stomps his feet, smoking pot so he can control his anger, you and your sister go on the cruise and relax. Sounds like you did all the work for booking the vacation and paying for it anyway and you would be off of Guard Duty for a week.
You left for 1 night and he blew all his $$ at the casino and take out. how mature.
As time goes on, this way of living is going to age and exhaust you....I get anxious for you just reading your postings. You seem to be trying so hard to keep the marriage together, you are losing yourself. All he does is stay high and not yell at you. He refuses to address his problems or even go to help one on one.
He refuses to compromise or even entertain what YOU need to balance. He is progressive in his anger and he hasn't even been sober a month.
you must be exhausted.
I'm just going to be really honest here....you have lost yourself in this man. This man's alcoholism has you trapped somewhere inside of him and you are banking EVERYTHING on HIS actions.
this.....this is no way to live....
OK, you love vacations....(so do I)...you want to relax, do fun in the sun stuff and enjoy yourself..You sound as though you will have a giant knot in your stomach and you have 90 more days before you even leave.
How about he stays home and stomps his feet, smoking pot so he can control his anger, you and your sister go on the cruise and relax. Sounds like you did all the work for booking the vacation and paying for it anyway and you would be off of Guard Duty for a week.
You left for 1 night and he blew all his $$ at the casino and take out. how mature.
As time goes on, this way of living is going to age and exhaust you....I get anxious for you just reading your postings. You seem to be trying so hard to keep the marriage together, you are losing yourself. All he does is stay high and not yell at you. He refuses to address his problems or even go to help one on one.
He refuses to compromise or even entertain what YOU need to balance. He is progressive in his anger and he hasn't even been sober a month.
you must be exhausted.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
Let's fast forward to March ( I am in agreement with the others he probably won't make it that long, but I have been known to be wrong before) 
So....you are on the ship....day one....finances are limited and you control the money, so he gets his daily drink allotment. I have never cruised but I can imagine like anything else, it's not cheap. He goes his merry way and gets his drink on. Do you think at some point he will just give up and say "well gee I'm outta money, ok let's go play shuffleboard!" Once he starts come hell or high water (pun intended) he won't stop. He will start to get angry, you will want to appease him, and he wont have his daily toke to calm him. SOUNDS AWFUL FOR YOU. Please reconsider. I truly think you are kidding yourself this will go well, but once again just an opinion from someone who tried really hard once, twice, forty times for 4 years to control someone who didn't give a rats butt how his drinking and drug use made ME feel.
So....you are on the ship....day one....finances are limited and you control the money, so he gets his daily drink allotment. I have never cruised but I can imagine like anything else, it's not cheap. He goes his merry way and gets his drink on. Do you think at some point he will just give up and say "well gee I'm outta money, ok let's go play shuffleboard!" Once he starts come hell or high water (pun intended) he won't stop. He will start to get angry, you will want to appease him, and he wont have his daily toke to calm him. SOUNDS AWFUL FOR YOU. Please reconsider. I truly think you are kidding yourself this will go well, but once again just an opinion from someone who tried really hard once, twice, forty times for 4 years to control someone who didn't give a rats butt how his drinking and drug use made ME feel.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: NC
Posts: 39
In my case, codependency means making bargains in my mind, along the lines of: "if I take care of everything (bills, domestic chores, pampering her), she'll respond by loving me in specific ways." This, of course, doesn't work and leaves me resentful that doesn't live up to her side of the bargain (to which she never agreed).
So, I'm working on a major teardown/rebuild (to use a construction analogy).
So, I'm working on a major teardown/rebuild (to use a construction analogy).
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 537
Originally Posted by Justbreathe1980
He just really wants to drink on the cruise. If I told him that I would leave him if he drinks on the cruise, I think he wouldn't drink. But he REALLY wants to drink. Like I said, he won't be able to drink that much because of finances.
When we return home, we will have to stop again.
When we return home, we will have to stop again.
That right there is a great example of codependance!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
