redatlanta

Yep that's what they do. Look for enablers and use them till there is nothing left then find another.

Thing is, its a very exhausting way to live. Lying (necessary for this) takes a hell of a lot of energy. Their entire lives are contingent on manipulation.

Eventually they do run out of gas. Burn too many bridges, lose whatever was the attraction in the first place (looks, sex, whatever).

Sure we would all like to see those who have done us wrong get theirs. Most of the time it doesn't happen immediately but it will happen. You are the lucky one for sure. 10k is a lot of money but not as much as 50k or 100k, or debt you can't pay off, or buying property with the person or marrying them. As for their relationship its just like yours was. Nothing more to romanticize….he has given her his sad life story (sniff, sniff and violins playing), she is going to "save' him (hahahahahaha), and the house of cards will come crashing when she figures out he is a deadbeat that doesn't give a sh1t about her and his career is to find codependents that will give him money.

LittleBirds3

Oh, can I emphasize with you!!!

The other day, someone said to me that feeling resentful/angry is like swallowing poison and expecting someone else to die. I'd never heard that before, and it was like a light bulb went off. It helps me to repeat it to myself when I am feeling particularly resentful.

Cleo1234

I hope she finds out soon. I always say there can't be a dumber woman than me that will accept a relationship with a deadbeat like him.

Cleo1234

Its so hard to not be angry and bitter... but i do realize I'm doing myself more harm.

redatlanta

Being a codependent doesn't mean you are stupid. Codependency I think should be classified a mental disorder. Codies are very controlling so much so that they try to control other people's lives via sacrifice of their own needs and desires.

So you should feel good about yourself because this isn't your situation anymore. We live and learn I have been stupid about many of my relationships. Ultimately my motivations weren't the best either in retrospect.

Cleo1234

Thank you, i am ... through all the sadness and lonliness i feel, I'm still relieved i don't have to stress over him or financially take care of him. It was a huge burden for me.

CodeJob

Cleo, glad you have a copy of Language of Letting Go. Read it QD...

I'm bummed I was right that this is your second time mixed up with an addict. You are drawn to some sort of type? That is my problem. I like them emotionally closed off and brilliant. A little Black Irish or ACOA for variety.

Cleo1234

I think maybe this was why i was able to end the relationship after 18 months. After my 4 year marriage with a meth addict, i new i couldn't handle it again. Whenever i knew my xabf had been drinking, it would just light a fire under my arse!! I would get so enraged that we would argue more than what was probably necessary. No more variety for me!!