Talked with him this morning while he was still sober
 

We did our usual bible study this morning and before he could rush off I asked him to sit with me and discuss what's going on with him. He wouldn't admit to drinking last night...too funny, but thats fine because I know the truth and I'm not crazy. To make a long story short, he blamed me for making it difficult to stay sober. I'm too hard on him, I don't make him feel welcome, the family doesn't really want him around, the stress of work, his boss, my extended family makes him uncomfortable, I treat him like a 5th son, I don't understand him...oh, and he READ parts of MY journal and that makes him feel BAD! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! And of course its MY fault he read parts of my journal because I LEFT it out for him to read -- NO I DIDN'T -- WHATEVER!

I'm getting ready to take a nap before my kiddos get home from school. Then, I'm going to pack a bag and put it in my car and ask the kids to do the same when they get home just so we have an emergency bag already out there should I need to leave....I'm sure that day is coming.

Oh Katchie, I am sorry. To me, the lies and gaslighting were worse than the actual drinking itself. How can someone who is your spouse and father of your children look you in the face and bold face lie. Cannot blame that on alcohol when they are stone sober. At least that was how I felt.

I think it's wise to pack that bag. Maybe you should pack on e for your kiddos just so they don't have the upset right now of having to do so since you don't have an immediate plan.

I think a nap would be good. Tight, tight hugs.

Yes, he was quacking to avoid the issue of his drinking. Pretty standard stuff.

dandylion

Hi, Katchie... sorry you're in this position, but honestly, it isn't surprising and is classic quacking from an alcoholic that doesn't want to stop drinking. He hasn't changed. In fact, he's getting worse now that he's putting all the blame on you for being the REASON he drinks (that's just MEAN). Only you can change your environment at this point. If you were waiting for that confirmation, I think you just got it loud and clear today regarding the state of affairs.

That is what my husband used to do to me when he drank - he would blame me for everything, exactly as you posted.

I am now at a point in my life where I am LESS defensive because I know deep down the problem is not me, but is truly HIS DRINKING, THE ALCOHOL. I no longer feel a need to call his parents and defend myself anymore (which is something I felt compelled to do in the past), because IT IS THE DRINKING.

After our last episode and him now being sober close to two weeks, I found out that he told his mother that he has to quit drinking. When I emailed her about accepting the invite to Christmas, I merely added that I was glad my husband had opened up about his sobriety. That is all I had to say because that was the issue in our last episode. I did not feel a need to tell her that he threatened to snap my neck, yelled at me, etc. etc. Been there, done that. Him telling her about his sobriety told the whole story.

I can only begin to imagine the stress you are going through right now, Katchie. I'm just so sorry to hear about it.

My stepson recently, again, found himself homeless and had been binge drinking (or who knows---maybe constantly drinking). He, too, blamed everyone and everything around him for all that had happened. It does not make sense to any of us, but it is some sort of really messed up coping mechanism for him. It's painful to examine your own life. It's easier to play the victim, I guess.

It helps me not take what my stepson says so personally if I keep telling myself it has ABSOLUTELY NO BASIS IN FACT. He can tell me my refrigerator is green all day long, but that doesn't make it green.

Please take good care of you and your kiddos :hug: You are in my prayers.