honeypig

DECEMBER 2

You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."

Putting Our Life on Hold

We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what we want that person to be. That will create resentment, hostility, an unhealthy dependency, and a mess to deal with later on.

If we have decided we want a particular relationship or want to wait about making a decision in a particular relationship, then we must go on with our own life in the interim.

That can be hard. It can feel natural to put our life on hold. That is when we get caught up in the codependent beliefs: That person can make me happy... I need that particular person to do a particular thing in order to be happy....

That's a circumstance that can hook our low self-esteem, our self-doubt, and our tendency to neglect ourselves.

We can get into this situation in a number of ways. We can do this waiting for a letter, waiting for a job, waiting for a person, waiting for an event.

We do not have to put our life on hold. There will be repercussions from doing this. Go on with your life. Take life a day at a time.

What is something I could be doing now to take care of myself, make myself feel better, get my needs met in an appropriate, healthy way?

How can I own my power to take care of myself, despite what the other person is or isn't doing?

What will happen if I break the system and begin taking care of myself?

Sometimes, we get the answer we want immediately. Sometimes, we wait for a while. Sometimes, things don't work out exactly the way we hoped. But they always work out for good, and often better than we expected.

And in the meantime, we have manifested love for ourselves by living our own life and taking the control away from others. That always comes back to us tenfold, because when we actually manifest love for ourselves, we give our Higher Power, other people, and the Universe permission to send us the love we want and need. Stopping living our life to make a thing happen doesn't work. All it does is make us miserable, because we have stopped living our life.

Today, I will force myself, if necessary, to live my own life. I will act in my own best interest, in a way that reflects self-love. If I have given power or control of my life to someone other than myself, and someone besides a Power greater than myself, I will take it back. I will begin acting in my own best interests, even if it feels awkward to do that.

©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
__________________

Katchie

Thank you.. just what I need today

Eauchiche

Thanks so much!

honeypig

You are so welcome, Katchie and Euchiche--I really feel like my HP sent me to the library to pick up "The Language of Letting Go" b/c I need to hear this stuff so badly myself. I had heard of the book but didn't realize it was a daily reader. I checked it out of my local library and within 3 days, I knew I needed to own it.

I found a used copy for a reasonable price on Amazon and I simply cannot believe how every day hits the nail on the head for me. Well, maybe it's not that amazing, seeing as how I seem to need help in pretty much every area of my life lately...

But I'm glad people are finding help in these posts. I find I'm kind of struck dumb lately, wrestling w/my own issues, and don't have a lot else to offer, so I'm really happy I can post these daily readings and be of some use that way.

And yes, today's reading really struck a chord for me too...

Redheadsusie

Thank you I loved reading that and am grateful for your sharing! Moving forward !

HopefulinFLA

Thanks for sharing Honeypig. This is all stuff that I've been making a conscious effort to do, and I really am starting to feel better and stronger.

NotSoSmart

Thank you for posting this. My sponsor is always reminding me that it is OK to put myself first. It comes so naturally not to, I often don't even realize when I've put my needs last. I'm trying to make a more conscious effort to identify what I want/need in situations I run into.

LookASquirrel

I have a friend who is a professional counselor. She heard something from a counselor that she saw years ago.

Her counselor told her that she needed to put herself first. When my friend stammered that that would be selfish, her counselor replied, "I didn't say put yourself first AND second AND third AND fourth, etc.--just to put yourself first. Then it will be easier to choose anyone and anyone else to attend to in a healthy way."

I still remind myself of this from time to time and it helps a lot!

walkinganewpath

Thanks honeypig. I have two daily readers but I have really enjoyed the quotes from this one. And yup I needed the same reminder today. Feeling a bit down, lazy and needy - uggh I hate that. Trying to pull myself up and I think I've been yelling at myself too much, trying to whip myself into feeling better. Accomplish more - trying to feel validated by doing instead of celebrating just being.

Maybe a bubble bath and a home pedicure after I tackle a few chores is what I really need.

unsureoffuture

Thanks honeypig! I definitely relate to this today's reading. I often will put myself "on hold" waiting for something and I need to learn to live more in the moment.