Keeping strong in a very difficult time...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Idaho
Posts: 14
Keeping strong in a very difficult time...
I finally kicked him out. I am 35 weeks pregnant and I finally kicked him out. I am utterly miserable. He is a "high functioning" alcoholic. In fact, he just got a wonderful work promotion. But emotionally/physically he is a train wreck and this has been the hardest pregnancy I've ever endured because of the stress (lack of trust, broken promises, being left alone all the time). I had to go to the hospital last week for preterm labor symptoms...After a previous marriage of emotional abuse, I was so hopeful that this situation would finally be my happy ending. Not so. I am just so deeply sad. We've been this route countless times in the past few years, always with the same promises, "Things will get better, I am gonna figure my s**t out, I promise, etc."
Ultimately I am ashamed that I let it get this far and I'm constantly apologizing to my poor little bean that she has been given such a stressful time in the womb.
I've posted before, but I hadn't taken any action at that time. Now I have and I'm really afraid and lost. There is no local Al Anon (I live in VERY rural Idaho) so SR is really all I have. I'm just venting a bit and trying to keep myself busy...Not only am I dealing with a breakup, but I've also been dealing with a nasty custody battle over my 2 daughters...so they aren't home with me this week. What have others done to stay strong? I'm feeling isolated...
Ultimately I am ashamed that I let it get this far and I'm constantly apologizing to my poor little bean that she has been given such a stressful time in the womb.
I've posted before, but I hadn't taken any action at that time. Now I have and I'm really afraid and lost. There is no local Al Anon (I live in VERY rural Idaho) so SR is really all I have. I'm just venting a bit and trying to keep myself busy...Not only am I dealing with a breakup, but I've also been dealing with a nasty custody battle over my 2 daughters...so they aren't home with me this week. What have others done to stay strong? I'm feeling isolated...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Do you have a local AA chapter you could attend? It is practically the same program. What about a local church group? Use what you have available.
As wonderful as SR is, it is not the same as face to face interaction with warm bodies.
I wish you all the best. God bless you and your baby.
As wonderful as SR is, it is not the same as face to face interaction with warm bodies.
I wish you all the best. God bless you and your baby.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
There are online al-anon meetings and I find that the posts are really powerful and much more easy to access when you really need them. (It's also awesome because you can by-pass the crappy shares. 
Pretend I didn't just say that.)
I'm so sorry that you're dealing with all of this drama during the end of your pregnancy. I was in a similar situation during my last pregnancy and I found that warm baths with excessive amounts of bubbles and very easy prenatal yoga helped to keep my stress lower.
Sending you lots of hugs, mama.
Pretend I didn't just say that.) I'm so sorry that you're dealing with all of this drama during the end of your pregnancy. I was in a similar situation during my last pregnancy and I found that warm baths with excessive amounts of bubbles and very easy prenatal yoga helped to keep my stress lower.
Sending you lots of hugs, mama.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 433
You are one brave and strong woman. Kudos to you! You've done what I could not. I'm here as your proxy older self writing to your younger self now. Hang in there. This misery is temporary. It will be better. It is worth it. You are doing the right thing. One day you will be VERY, very glad you took action on your own behalf and your children's. You will find and develop a new support network that will give you strength. It takes time and endurance to bear the initial discomfort. It will pay off in the long run.
I cannot know what is best for you. I can only share my experience. Many years later I am paying big time at a phase of life when my energy is depleted and opportunities are lost in younger days when I was too afraid to do what needed doing.
I hope you can find a good Al-Anon group soon, a sponsor, and an experienced counselor. Keep looking, keep on keeping on until you do. Some pastors of churches are trained counselors, be careful and wise about who you choose. Reach out where you can. Best wishes!
I cannot know what is best for you. I can only share my experience. Many years later I am paying big time at a phase of life when my energy is depleted and opportunities are lost in younger days when I was too afraid to do what needed doing.
I hope you can find a good Al-Anon group soon, a sponsor, and an experienced counselor. Keep looking, keep on keeping on until you do. Some pastors of churches are trained counselors, be careful and wise about who you choose. Reach out where you can. Best wishes!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Idaho
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Stung 
I was in a similar situation during my last pregnancy and I found that warm baths with excessive amounts of bubbles and very easy prenatal yoga helped to keep my stress lower.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Idaho
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Neagrm
You are one brave and strong woman. Kudos to you! You've done what I could not. I'm here as your proxy older self writing to your younger self now. Hang in there. This misery is temporary. It will be better. It is worth it. You are doing the right thing. One day you will be VERY, very glad you took action on your own behalf and your children's. You will find and develop a new support network that will give you strength. It takes time and endurance to bear the initial discomfort. It will pay off in the long run.
I cannot know what is best for you. I can only share my experience. Many years later I am paying big time at a phase of life when my energy is depleted and opportunities are lost in younger days when I was too afraid to do what needed doing.
I hope you can find a good Al-Anon group soon, a sponsor, and an experienced counselor. Keep looking, keep on keeping on until you do. Some pastors of churches are trained counselors, be careful and wise about who you choose. Reach out where you can. Best wishes!
I cannot know what is best for you. I can only share my experience. Many years later I am paying big time at a phase of life when my energy is depleted and opportunities are lost in younger days when I was too afraid to do what needed doing.
I hope you can find a good Al-Anon group soon, a sponsor, and an experienced counselor. Keep looking, keep on keeping on until you do. Some pastors of churches are trained counselors, be careful and wise about who you choose. Reach out where you can. Best wishes!
A very sincere thank you. I hope I can stay strong. I've failed in the past. It's so heartbreaking to love someone who has so many wonderful qualities and who you know is hiding the real person under the booze and you want desperately for that person to make a permanent appearance.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 137
He needs to crash and burn until he gets a moments of "incomprehensible demoralization". It might not be losing it all but that moment when life seems crashing down and you will lose everything. You might not lose anything, but if you do not get help, you will lose everything.
It is when "life becomes unmanageable" is when alcoholics come into the rooms. You do not lose to land in the gutter, but rather, it is a point that everything "seems to land" in the gutter.
It is when "life becomes unmanageable" is when alcoholics come into the rooms. You do not lose to land in the gutter, but rather, it is a point that everything "seems to land" in the gutter.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 135
So sorry that you have to deal with this. I hope you're able to stay strong. I know its not easy... I seperated with my H when my son was 1 years old and it was a very emotional time for me. I hope you have family and friends near by for support. Hugs!!
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