I thought it was over but the abuse started again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
I thought it was over but the abuse started again
I am so upset SR friends.
As you know I have a new court order for custody arrangments.
This has come out just before Christmas.
XH husband gets 1 extended weekend & 2 weeks over the Christmas holiday period with the children.
I have been trying to negotiate the weekend.
I received a disgusting email today saying that he can have the 3 weekends whenever he chooses & not when I dictate, he can't do extended periods due to work, to read the order and that he is so happy with the court outcome because in the eyes of IRD he now has shared custody. Oh and this is what the children wanted blah blah blah.
I always thought it was about the money with him & he has just proven it to me.
I don't think it is shared but will work it out. I cover 8 weeks of holidays per year & he covers 5. That's not shared for a start.
I am just so over the abuse & trying to negotiate with him.
That's why I pleaded with the judge to put it all in writing so we didn't have the need to negotiate.
He makes me feel so bad & I know I haven't done anything wrong.
I am never going to be free from this yucky abusive man.
Need kind words please.
As you know I have a new court order for custody arrangments.
This has come out just before Christmas.
XH husband gets 1 extended weekend & 2 weeks over the Christmas holiday period with the children.
I have been trying to negotiate the weekend.
I received a disgusting email today saying that he can have the 3 weekends whenever he chooses & not when I dictate, he can't do extended periods due to work, to read the order and that he is so happy with the court outcome because in the eyes of IRD he now has shared custody. Oh and this is what the children wanted blah blah blah.
I always thought it was about the money with him & he has just proven it to me.
I don't think it is shared but will work it out. I cover 8 weeks of holidays per year & he covers 5. That's not shared for a start.
I am just so over the abuse & trying to negotiate with him.
That's why I pleaded with the judge to put it all in writing so we didn't have the need to negotiate.
He makes me feel so bad & I know I haven't done anything wrong.
I am never going to be free from this yucky abusive man.
Need kind words please.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hugs, Rosie,
Don't let his nasty words get under your skin. Did the judge give you a reason why it couldn't all be spelled out in the order?
Save that email, and any others. If he won't negotiate in good faith, then the court may be convinced the time cannot be negotiated and will spell it all out.
It will be OK, don't worry.
Don't let his nasty words get under your skin. Did the judge give you a reason why it couldn't all be spelled out in the order?
Save that email, and any others. If he won't negotiate in good faith, then the court may be convinced the time cannot be negotiated and will spell it all out.
It will be OK, don't worry.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
The judge actually spelt out that the need to communicate needed to be lowered & a structural order put in place. He did this for term 1 2 & 3 but Christmas is all over the place & it forces us to negotiate which has not worked for the past 8 years.
I don't know if XH is just bluffing but I need to find out about shared care because if I have to pay back thousands in court costs & get everything else cut I will not be in a good financial position to raise the children.
The fact that he is laughing in my face over money makes me feel sick.
I've raised these kids & never deserted them & I have given him more time with them for his & their benefit.
I never once looked at the monetary side of things because that shouldn't be what you build a case about.
It was all about the money for him though, this is now obvious.
I am so tired of 8 years of abuse from this man when I have actually done an amazing job of raising them & the results are their for anyone to see.
I don't know if XH is just bluffing but I need to find out about shared care because if I have to pay back thousands in court costs & get everything else cut I will not be in a good financial position to raise the children.
The fact that he is laughing in my face over money makes me feel sick.
I've raised these kids & never deserted them & I have given him more time with them for his & their benefit.
I never once looked at the monetary side of things because that shouldn't be what you build a case about.
It was all about the money for him though, this is now obvious.
I am so tired of 8 years of abuse from this man when I have actually done an amazing job of raising them & the results are their for anyone to see.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Man, I'm so sorry, Rosiepetal. I agree with Lexie, keep that email and any others showing his unwillingness to negotiate, and try to get past the nastiness. Part of having the "shared custody" he's saying he has would be figuring out how to provide care for the kids during the periods he has to work, not just taking them whenever he wants them and has time off.
Hang in there. You'll get through this.
Hang in there. You'll get through this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
I've been feeling mentally unwell after this.
I no why & my triggers.
I have been proactive however by asking lawyer for advice, contacting tax & welfare departments, arranging a friend to sit with in support tonight when I go to Xmas concert to watch my child with knowing her Dad & partner are there, told daughter I would watch her but would leave afterwards to avoid running into others etc.
Proactive has helped a little.
I also recognise I have to take care of myself while feeling like this & I will endeavour to do so.
Thank you for your support.
I no why & my triggers.
I have been proactive however by asking lawyer for advice, contacting tax & welfare departments, arranging a friend to sit with in support tonight when I go to Xmas concert to watch my child with knowing her Dad & partner are there, told daughter I would watch her but would leave afterwards to avoid running into others etc.
Proactive has helped a little.
I also recognise I have to take care of myself while feeling like this & I will endeavour to do so.
Thank you for your support.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
