Help me to understand why I am pissed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
Help me to understand why I am pissed
Found out today on FB that Ah is already talking to a woman and going on a date. Why does that **** me off so bad - I know I need to stay on my side of the street and I thought I was but I went on Fb and looked - he is saying how dejected he is and what a victim he is - he has not been gone 2 months - how the f can these A's move on so quick - I know the answer he has not worked on himself he is not sober and he is looking for someone else to fuel his ego because I detached and asked him to leave. What a turd - I am better off and looking forward to the future I am just pissed . I know I just need to concentrate on being a better person and I am I guess I am just kind of pissed I am left with all the responsibility but when I think about it I always did have all the responsibilities so I need to embrace this time being alone concentrate on being happier and getting better and forget about his stupid ass.thanks for letting me get my feelings out. This too shall pass ! On a super great note my sons were here this weekend and we had a wonderful time I am so lucky to have such wonderful sons! life truly is good!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You got the good end of the deal, Susie.
And if you want to feel better, stay the eff off his FB page. Block him. You don't need to know what he's up to, and it's only going to aggravate you.
And if you want to feel better, stay the eff off his FB page. Block him. You don't need to know what he's up to, and it's only going to aggravate you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
how the f can these A's move on so quick?
The only answer I can come up with, they never truly cared, maybe in their alcohol soaked brain they thought they cared, or they cared the best that they could in that moment, ( when they were not completely hammered) but here in the sober world where brains are not ruled by a drug, they simply cannot, do not care............... oh wait that is not true, they care about themselves and they care about their next drink too, that's the best I can come up with.
Selfish, selfish, selfish.
Big hugs to you Red, it's gotta get better!
The only answer I can come up with, they never truly cared, maybe in their alcohol soaked brain they thought they cared, or they cared the best that they could in that moment, ( when they were not completely hammered) but here in the sober world where brains are not ruled by a drug, they simply cannot, do not care............... oh wait that is not true, they care about themselves and they care about their next drink too, that's the best I can come up with.
Selfish, selfish, selfish.
Big hugs to you Red, it's gotta get better!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 135
Someone once told me that A's are able to move on quickly because they are use to people being in their life for a limited time. Obviously, this isn't the case with all... but i think it might have been the case with my xabf.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
I know it feels like you were nothing because they move on so quick. I struggle with that at times too. You have to look at facts and realize he is not healthy and is not making healthy choices. I would get so wrapped up in the "why" and drive myself crazy.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Mississauga
Posts: 207
I think it's because we feel they should suffer the consequences instead of just moving into another relationship. However know this, if he continues to be an alcoholic the probability of that relationship is failing is high. I don't get how they move on so fast either. Only way I figure is they loved us on a very superficial level and on their conditions.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 135
Originally Posted by charis78 
I think it's because we feel they should suffer the consequences instead of just moving into another relationship.
YES!! I have thought the same thing as well... we want them to feel worse than we are feeling. We want them to feel badly for the hurt they have caused us. I think they have learned to survive by moving on to the next best thing when things get too messy for them.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
There is a saying in AA about this issue
"a drink on two legs"
Normally doesn't last.... Just another temporary feel good kinda thing.
It's definitely not exclusive behavior to alcoholic folk, but it is very typical
"a drink on two legs"
Normally doesn't last.... Just another temporary feel good kinda thing.
It's definitely not exclusive behavior to alcoholic folk, but it is very typical
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
You don't have to be an A to move on so quickly. Many people just can't be alone. Have known many a person to be engaged and married within a year of divorce. Its like turbo dating or something. When I have a bad break up the last thing I want to do is go on a date good grief.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
My X is getting ready to move in with someone already! This is not because he is an alcoholic, it is absolutely because he is not equipped to live on his own. He is needy, like a child. Difference is, now he is someone else's child!
I found out the very hard way that I wanted a husband, not another child I have to take care of.
I am sorry you are hurting. You may not want to hear this, but time does heal a lot of things.
Hugs!
I found out the very hard way that I wanted a husband, not another child I have to take care of.
I am sorry you are hurting. You may not want to hear this, but time does heal a lot of things.
Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
It's so tempting to imbue our ex's new relationships with some magical perfection that doesn't exist even under the best of circumstances. We convince ourselves that the new person has something we don't -- for me, it was because that validated my need to see myself as sub-par, less-than, and not-good-enough for anyone. My recovery is not from having alcoholics in my life. It's from the lack of self-worth my relationships with alcoholics left with me. Only through that lens could I understand that my XABF's relationships with dozens of others before and after me had nothing to do with me. I wasn't 'better than' the girls before me -- I just didn't know any better. And I wasn't 'less than' the girls after me, I had just wised up.
He is not 'suffering' in the wake of your bust up because his entire life is geared toward the Total Numbification of All Suffering By Every Possible Means. That includes drinking, new and naive women, and anything else that keeps him stunted and protected from life on life's terms. You can do better, Susie. You already are.
He is not 'suffering' in the wake of your bust up because his entire life is geared toward the Total Numbification of All Suffering By Every Possible Means. That includes drinking, new and naive women, and anything else that keeps him stunted and protected from life on life's terms. You can do better, Susie. You already are.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
You guys rock! Thank you so much for your wisdom and support I de friended him on Facebook and I am just thinking about me and trying to not be concerned with what he is doing it is none of my business. I know I am better off now and will be better off in the future! I have faith in that! It is time redheadsusie puts on her big girl pants and realizes that she has been on her own for a while she can do this! I am strong I am capable I am blessed! Repeat repeat repeat
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