gleefan

I am an alcoholic in recovery. I come to SR daily to work on my recovery,and I come to the Friends and Family section every weekend, usually Sunday evenings, when I've had enough of living with my polite and successful, but alcoholic, husband.

I'm nine months into my recovery, nine months into recognizing that my husband had a drinking problem, nine months into conducting my life differently, and nine months into wanting to be free of my husband's drinking.

I have learned that I'm powerless over my husband's drinking. I've shared my concerns, but he is an alcoholic who chooses to drink. He's going to drink regardless of what I do or say. Trying to control his drinking sends me into a tizzy, and moves me farther away from my own sobriety.

I met a couple at AA over the weekend who were dealing with difficult situations - long hours at work and a cancer diagnosis - but were peaceful and happy from living according to the Twelve Steps. Their joy was palpable and I realized that I would do just about anything to take good care of myself and live a life that is sober, happy and free.

The only person who can drag me down is me. It's not my husband's drinking, crankiness, self-centeredness, or lack of gratitude - it's my reaction to it. When I argued with him for his decisions, and expressed how I felt, I actually felt further from my sobriety. But when I accept that he's an alcoholic who is suffering, I feel peace in my heart that allows me to continue to grow in my recovery.

Recovery - whether from alcohol or codependency - has been about so much more than stopping drinking or saying no to my friends and family. I never would have expected my life and expectations to change in the ways that they have. There's no way of preparing ourselves for it, much less our partners. I'm not ready to move out just yet, and I appreciate being able to come to this forum for the experience, strength and hope when I've had enough of my AH.

lillamy

Amen. The change I see in myself is fundamental. Working a recovery program has made it possible for me to deal with problems I wasn't even aware I had. I'm a better person for it. I've lost people along the way -- friends who couldn't follow along on my journey of change -- but that's also a good thing.