My alcoholic father may be dying and my emotions are all over the place
My alcoholic father may be dying and my emotions are all over the place
My 72 year-old alcoholic father called today and said that he had just spent 8 days in the hospital. He said he took himself to the ER with digestive problems after eating pizza with sauerkraut on it and drinking 3 - 5 beers. He's not 100% sure what his care involved as he says he was on pain meds and can't remember much of the stay. I know he's not happy with the doctors who treated him and had himself discharged against their wishes. He's at home now where he lives alone. He has a handful of people who are checking on him daily and bringing food.
He said they diagnosed him with both distended bowel syndrome and diabetes. He was also diagnosed around 18 months ago with Parkinson's disease, but says the doctors in the hospital have told him he does NOT have Parkinson's. He disagrees, and is mad that they would suggest otherwise and doesn't understand why they would. I think he's mad because they took him off whatever med he said was actually providing relief for the Parkinson's. He was also mad that they suggested he'd had alcohol poisoning that night. In his mind, because he had only had 3 -5 beers that night, it wasn't any different than any other night that he drinks, so why should he all of a sudden have alcohol poisoning now after decades of drinking.
My brief Google search of distended bowel syndrome showed that it can be brought on by cirrhosis of the liver. Maybe that's what's going on and he didn't tell me that, I don't know.
He asked me to wait for 10 days - 2 weeks before I let my sisters know any of this. I thought that it was an odd time reference considering he rarely communicates with any of us. He also mentioned his wishes to be cremated and talked about what to do with his belongings if he were to pass away. But he also talked about all the work he needs to do this month so that he can have a paycheck in January. Either he believes he is dying and is not telling me straight out, or he is simply scared by all of this and is thinking about things he should tell someone in the case of his unexpected death.
I don't know what I'm even feeling right now. We have a very distant relationship. I have compassion for him because he's my father and because he's a human being. On the other hand, I haven't felt close to him for years. I'm feeling guilty, maybe, that I don't care more. Feeling frustrated, maybe even angry, that I will likely be the one who has to deal with his estate/affairs when he does pass. It feels like an unfair burden for someone who has spent a lifetime being hurt by him. Maybe I'm being ungrateful. After all, he did, with my mother, give me life. Right? Maybe I'm not prepared for this. I don't know. Feeling caught off guard right now.
He said they diagnosed him with both distended bowel syndrome and diabetes. He was also diagnosed around 18 months ago with Parkinson's disease, but says the doctors in the hospital have told him he does NOT have Parkinson's. He disagrees, and is mad that they would suggest otherwise and doesn't understand why they would. I think he's mad because they took him off whatever med he said was actually providing relief for the Parkinson's. He was also mad that they suggested he'd had alcohol poisoning that night. In his mind, because he had only had 3 -5 beers that night, it wasn't any different than any other night that he drinks, so why should he all of a sudden have alcohol poisoning now after decades of drinking.
My brief Google search of distended bowel syndrome showed that it can be brought on by cirrhosis of the liver. Maybe that's what's going on and he didn't tell me that, I don't know.
He asked me to wait for 10 days - 2 weeks before I let my sisters know any of this. I thought that it was an odd time reference considering he rarely communicates with any of us. He also mentioned his wishes to be cremated and talked about what to do with his belongings if he were to pass away. But he also talked about all the work he needs to do this month so that he can have a paycheck in January. Either he believes he is dying and is not telling me straight out, or he is simply scared by all of this and is thinking about things he should tell someone in the case of his unexpected death.
I don't know what I'm even feeling right now. We have a very distant relationship. I have compassion for him because he's my father and because he's a human being. On the other hand, I haven't felt close to him for years. I'm feeling guilty, maybe, that I don't care more. Feeling frustrated, maybe even angry, that I will likely be the one who has to deal with his estate/affairs when he does pass. It feels like an unfair burden for someone who has spent a lifetime being hurt by him. Maybe I'm being ungrateful. After all, he did, with my mother, give me life. Right? Maybe I'm not prepared for this. I don't know. Feeling caught off guard right now.
I live the closest and only two of us speak to him, so I don't think it's unusual. He told me that he's only talked to me, his only living sibling (a sister), and his banker about any of the details of his hospital visit.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you have some face-to-face support.
If you are close (emotionally) with your sisters, I suggest you ignore his instructions and let them know what's going on. You shouldn't have to bear this burden alone.
Hugs.
If you are close (emotionally) with your sisters, I suggest you ignore his instructions and let them know what's going on. You shouldn't have to bear this burden alone.
Hugs.
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