LexieCat

Right, we agree, then. I was just disagreeing with the statement that "there is a good life to be had living with alcoholics in recovery" as if that is the way things usually work out. It does happen--and fairly often--but in my experience/observation it is more the exception than the rule. I know of relatively few marriages that survive the ugliness that constitutes the alcoholic's "bottom" and the trials of early recovery.

suncatcher

I guess I am a success story in that my relationship with my axbf changed from an off again on again relationship to a close friendship. I was the codependent trying to save him which of course didn't work. I was upset when he didn't live up to my expectations then I realized he simply couldn't. Once I worked on myself and let go of the obsession to fix him, we became good friends again. We are not in a relationship, we don't live together, but we remain close. He is still in the throes of his addiction and is having health problems as a result. But I know now that I can't fix him, I can only fix me. He's my friend. I love him from a distance but he's still a big part of my life just not the center of it.

CodeJob

Some long timers here on SR admit it really takes 5 years to get a marriage fully, 100% back on track after a run with addiction/codependency. That may be true. Recovery of family definitely takes TIME.

At 17 mo sober, my RAH and I are in marriage counseling. I remain in Al Anon working the steps with a sponsor. I did some serious months of counseling over the past 17 mo. He did inpatient rehab. Things are not perfect. But then realizing things weren't perfect BEFORE this whole mess hit is part of recovery.

But we are together. We are committed. We are working on communication and intimacy a bit. Today that is a better success than a lot of couples without addiction. We are 20Y married with one child.

lillamy

I have good friends in real life who are RAs. Their stories are all different, their recoveries all different, and their lives all different. I know three who are still married to the person they were married to while actively drinking. One says it took 15 years to have a good marriage again. Another says after about a year, things were back to normal -- but that family's kids never got any help, and they've gone off the deep end.

Sure there are people who successfully recover. If you look at the statistics, though, it's pretty depressing. The rehab facility AXH went to said about 30% of the people who went through rehab and prescribed aftercare were still sober a year after checking out of rehab.

shil2587

I think I am a success story today. I may not be on tomorrow, but I am today.
My.new job is going fairly well, I just got.my.driving license (after 7 attempts!), I can live on the income I earn and entirely support myself. At 27, I am proud of that.

My RAbf and I are back together and very happy. We have each worked our own recovery independantly.of each other for 1 year and found we still were very much in love. Although he may relapse again, today, everything is roses.

But more importantly, if tomorrow everything is pants, I know that I have the strength and tools to look after myself and get on with it.

So, today, I am a success.