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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Hello everyone!
I have been working hard on myself and realizing all sorts of things and it's been a roller coaster ride. I realized I am an addict. It felt so good to take it in and the more it felt good the more I took it in. Even if it hurt me or the people around me. The way that it felt when I took it just erased all the bad that it did to me or the people around me. Being with out my drug of choice has been hard. I feel like crap and I just want to reach for it and take it all in again irregardless of the consequences to me or others, mostly myself. All I can see is the feeling of euphoria and not the side effects that it brought. How was I going to quit when the high was so high and I hate not having that feeling of high and I truly love my drug of choice, even with all the damage that it did to me and the people around me. I don't understand how I can let this ruin my life. It changed me and change who I am but it didn't seem to matter. But with therapy and hard work, I have been clean for 3 months and my head is clearer and I have no plans of going back.
Hi my name is Lovelyn and I'm an addict. My drug of choice was my exabf, the love, kindness, sweetness, hugs, loving memories,... I can go on. He was my drug. He took away all the pain when he showed his love and affection. I felt loved, beautiful, happy...even when he got drunk all I saw was the good parts of him. Even when he hit me all I saw was the feeling he gave me when thing were good. I realized I was no better then he was. I was an addict like he was. And I was expecting him to quit and get clean when I couldn't do it myself. I felt very hypocritical to expecting to do something I couldn't. I was,suppose,to be the sober one that saw all the damage he was doing but yet I I couldn't quit him even when I realize the damage he was doing to me. I have to work on me and quit my drug to be healthy. I have to be able to quit because if I can't, how can I expect him to.
It's been a long road a gradual shift in thinking on my part. I am happier than I was. Don't get me wrong, I still crave but I have to obstain because I don't want to relapse. I am the one with a clear head so I should be able to do what is right for me.
Hugs to everyone that is still struggling and I hope you all find strength to do what is best for you. It's not easy but you are not alone.
I have been working hard on myself and realizing all sorts of things and it's been a roller coaster ride. I realized I am an addict. It felt so good to take it in and the more it felt good the more I took it in. Even if it hurt me or the people around me. The way that it felt when I took it just erased all the bad that it did to me or the people around me. Being with out my drug of choice has been hard. I feel like crap and I just want to reach for it and take it all in again irregardless of the consequences to me or others, mostly myself. All I can see is the feeling of euphoria and not the side effects that it brought. How was I going to quit when the high was so high and I hate not having that feeling of high and I truly love my drug of choice, even with all the damage that it did to me and the people around me. I don't understand how I can let this ruin my life. It changed me and change who I am but it didn't seem to matter. But with therapy and hard work, I have been clean for 3 months and my head is clearer and I have no plans of going back.
Hi my name is Lovelyn and I'm an addict. My drug of choice was my exabf, the love, kindness, sweetness, hugs, loving memories,... I can go on. He was my drug. He took away all the pain when he showed his love and affection. I felt loved, beautiful, happy...even when he got drunk all I saw was the good parts of him. Even when he hit me all I saw was the feeling he gave me when thing were good. I realized I was no better then he was. I was an addict like he was. And I was expecting him to quit and get clean when I couldn't do it myself. I felt very hypocritical to expecting to do something I couldn't. I was,suppose,to be the sober one that saw all the damage he was doing but yet I I couldn't quit him even when I realize the damage he was doing to me. I have to work on me and quit my drug to be healthy. I have to be able to quit because if I can't, how can I expect him to.
It's been a long road a gradual shift in thinking on my part. I am happier than I was. Don't get me wrong, I still crave but I have to obstain because I don't want to relapse. I am the one with a clear head so I should be able to do what is right for me.
Hugs to everyone that is still struggling and I hope you all find strength to do what is best for you. It's not easy but you are not alone.
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