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Thanksgiving Custody Miracle

Old 11-27-2014, 02:31 AM
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Thanksgiving Custody Miracle

First, thanksgiving has always always been my favorite holiday. Weird right? Even as a kid I liked it more than Xmas even. So it's appropriate and perhaps divine intervention that this fight with xAH over custody has all but ended at this time.

XAH signed the iron clad, full of black and white no wiggle room safeguards for our kids parenting plan. It's written based specially on the patterns if his behavior for two + years of this custody war and it ensures as much as humanly possible and certainly more than a judge would have written in an order after a 30 min hearing, that our kids are safe.

He signed and agreed to this as a FINAL plan. As in forever UNLESS very specific conditions are met (per my states laws on how a final parenting plan can ever change) and they are highly unlikely. If anything this will
change for the worke for xAH when and if continues to behave poorly and abusively toward the girls.

The best news of all is the xAH's lawyer has withdrawn. He called my lawyer SCREAMING that I am the most manipulative person he's ever encountered (projection) and that if his client was dumb enough to sign such an insane agreement (yes he was) be doesn't want his "good name" (this is a man who defends cop killers so good name and his reputation do not align) associated with it.

He is filing his motion to withdraw (or rather did by the close of court yesterday) and that makes xAHs signature on the final plan good enough for it to be official.

It is likely that a GAL and a hearing may have ended in supervised visits for him. But my state does a "restorative custody" thing so I would have been in litigation FOREVER as he slowly earned time back then lost it and back and forth. In the meantime I would have stayed enmeshed in having to monitor his acts and continue to not be fully present emotionally to my kids because 99.9% of my energy would have remained on documenting and fighting and being afraid.

This I can live with. My kids will be as safe as I can make them
given the fact he is their father & he would have continue to have contact with them no matter what I said at the dec hearing. Even parents in jail or who abuse their kids outright continue to have visits. It's sick and insane and not a system that cares about kids best interest at all.

So, I haven't fully digested this nor has it fully sunk in. But this is a true miracle on the eve and morning of Thanksgiving and I know that my grandparents who loved me and who I loved like parents and who were married in thanksgiving day in 1933, are looking over my kids and I and smiling.

Lastly, this is the first time EVER in the 17 years I either dated or was married to this man, that I stood up to him and stood my ground. I didn't back down when his lawyer and my earlier lawyer belittled me for my concerns. I didn't back down when I realized that I would have to attend this hearing pro se bc my lawyer could not attend w me due to what I owe her. Instead I wrote a settlment for parenting myself and got him to
sign it. I didn't know I had this strength. I have never, maybe even in my whole life, believed in or fought for something as important as my kids safety and refused to back down even when any sane person probably would have. I have always allowed myself to be bullied into backing off and this was the one time I didn't bc where my kids come I was willing to do whatever it took.

And somehow by some miracle and the grace of
God, this has ended and ended better than I could have hoped for my kids and I.

The judge still has to rubber stamp it and ok it all but with his signing and my signing and my lawyer signing and his lawyer withdrawing it is all but a done deal.

You're among the first people I want to tell because you've been here with me through all of it and I could not have found the fortitude and courage to withstand what has occurred if it weren't for all of you.

Thank tou all so very much for supporting me to this point.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone
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Old 11-27-2014, 03:08 AM
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Wonderful news - thanks for sharing!!!
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Old 11-27-2014, 03:09 AM
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Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am so pleased for you that you and your little ones are as safe possible after all your hard work.

Well done.
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Old 11-27-2014, 03:33 AM
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wanttobe healthy....your resilence and patience have finally reaped just rewards.

You have my admiration on this...

I hope that you realize how inspiring this will be for others who are fighting this wretched battle, also!

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Old 11-27-2014, 03:43 AM
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I can hear the relief in your post. This is wonderful news!!!
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Old 11-27-2014, 03:51 AM
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If ever I had hoped for a miracle, it was for you. What a day to give thanks.

WTBH, your recovery work has paid off. It's never easy. But each right step forward does make progress, and eventually a journey can reach a destination.

And in a twist of irony, today is Christmas. Because the gift you have given yourself, and your children, what you wrote above about your dawning awareness of the strength you ALWAYS had in you to fight for yourself and your kids, is a gift of a lifetime.

Sending support!

CLMI
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Old 11-27-2014, 04:48 AM
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This is one of the best posts I could have imagined reading this morning, I am crying happy tears for you. I am SO happy for you!!! I hope you have the absolute best Thanksgiving EVER!!!
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Old 11-27-2014, 05:02 AM
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Congratulations! I am so happy for you! Enjoy your blessings today!
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Old 11-27-2014, 05:27 AM
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So much to be thankful for! Happy Thanksgiving, WTBH!

This:
I didn't know I had this strength. I have never, maybe even in my whole life, believed in or fought for something as important as my kids safety and refused to back down even when any sane person probably would have.
...made me cry.

Congratulations to you!
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Old 11-27-2014, 05:33 AM
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I am in tears for you. Happy, happy tears. There are still miracles! Happy Thanksgiving!!!
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Old 11-27-2014, 05:57 AM
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Well done you!
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Old 11-27-2014, 06:13 AM
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Brilliant news! I have a tear in my eye also.

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Old 11-27-2014, 07:03 AM
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Great news!
I am in awe of you...
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Old 11-27-2014, 07:51 AM
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I am in tears too. Happy Thanksgiving, Mom! You have worked really hard for yourself and your girls. I have seen your evolution and am proud of you.
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Old 11-27-2014, 08:36 AM
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What a wonderful post, congratulations!
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Old 11-27-2014, 09:59 AM
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This is wonderful.
How did you ever get him to agree?

Very powerful and well done
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Old 11-27-2014, 10:01 AM
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This is the best news that I will read today. Congratulations! Wishing you peace.
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Old 11-27-2014, 11:24 AM
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I got teared up reading this, too.

I am so, SOO proud of you. You asked for the thoughts of people you respect, carefully considered EVERYTHING, and made a very sound judgment, for very good reasons, with a result that sounds better for YOU and the KIDS than anything the system could have come up with on its own.

I think you are determined, brilliant, and a great mom. What a combination!

LOL, I can just see his attorney with a huge purple vein pulsing in his forehead. Although I find his tactics and behavior deplorable, I think he's dead-on that this is not a great agreement for his client. Thank goodness his client is an egotistical, narcissistic idiot. (Well, thank goodness for that for the purposes of getting this resolved--he is what he is, and it's too bad you have to continue dealing with him on any level.)

Enjoy the feeling of your hard-won victory today!
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Old 11-27-2014, 12:16 PM
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Inspirational. So glad for you and your children.
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Old 11-27-2014, 03:32 PM
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Fantastic news.
You took your power back & with that comes strength.
When you truly believe in something as important as keeping your children safe then you just do what you have to regardless.
Most importantly, you believed in yourself.
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