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Thanksgiving Custody Miracle

Old 11-27-2014, 03:37 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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WTBH, I can't tell you how happy I am to read your post. You have been through three kinds of hell the past few years. It's about time the pendulum swung your way.

Way to go!!
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Old 11-27-2014, 04:53 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Lexie- I agree 100% that this is not what any lawyer on the other side would have recommended or said was good for his client to sign.

He filed the ex parte and when it was denied and a hearing scheduled I decided to try once more w him to settle.

I told him I was happy to have a hearing and ready to have my day in court and that a GAL would be appointed and I looked forward to the truth coming out.

Then I paused.

And a day later I said I was committed to co parenting and wanted to sit down to talk one more time and see what middle ground we could find bc a public trial and more skeletons being aired wasn't good for our kids. I said I that I wasn't out to get him but that a trial surely would seem that way and that I had decided to try and resolve it with him once more.

I also told him that my lawyer had advised me against private chats w him but that the lawyers in the mix seemed to only be creating acrimony so I was willing to ignore my lawyers advice for the sake of the kids one last time.

He said he agreed and we met in public to go over what I wrote.

He wasn't happy w it but I didn't back down and kept going back to saying calmly that we could have a hearing and roll the dice and I was fine with that.

I was bluffing obviously.

Anyway, I asked him to confirm what we discussed in an email since I couldn't recall it all (not true but I wanted it in writing) and he reviewed it after I typed it all up.

He signed, I got it to my lawyer and she got it to the court and notified his lawyer of it.

The fact he signed it before his lawyer reviewed it was the critical step to this.

I think he signed bc he was afraid of a GAL and of a hearing.

I am hesitant to say too much about all the details of how this got done bc of the anonymity of this site and not wanting to identity myself too much.

I didn't manipulate but I was smart about my approach and I was calculated and careful about the timing of it all.

Maybe that makes me a bad person. I'm not sure.

I would have paid money to see his egotistical jerk of a lawyer she. He read it all.

He withdrew bc he said he couldn't possbily have his name attached to such nonsense.

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Old 11-27-2014, 05:08 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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You are epic. Great job.
Hugs to you and your DDs and Happy Epic Thanksgiving.
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Old 11-27-2014, 05:13 PM
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You weren't manipulative, you were a good negotiator. You simply used your own knowledge about what his weaknesses and worries and desires were to get what was in your and the kids' best interests. That's what negotiation IS. You weren't a powerful person exploiting a weaker one. You were clever and confident and it paid off, big-time.

I am still blown away by the outcome. Dazzled. And I'm not just saying that.
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Old 11-27-2014, 05:15 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Maybe that makes me a bad person. I'm not sure.
Doing whatever is necessary for the safety and well-being of your children never makes you a bad person. He and his attorney were trying to destroy you. You outsmarted them. That does not make you anything but a mama bear protecting her children.
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Old 11-27-2014, 05:18 PM
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I think you did great.

My hat is off to your smart skills and courage dear lady
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Old 11-27-2014, 05:21 PM
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I, too, am so happy to read this. You and the girls have been through so much, over the past few years, and I think you were pretty darned smart in assuring the safety of the girls AND using all you've been through to negotiate it all.

Happy, Happy Thanksgiving!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 11-27-2014, 06:44 PM
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Congratulations to you and your children. Thank you for standing up for your children. The cycle stops with you.. I tell myself all of this pain are the initial events to change some societal beliefs about emotional abuse. You are part of the change. I hope my pre-trial on Tuesday is as successful, I will learn from you...be strong, not be bullied by anyone and stand up for the rights of my daughter no matter what. Congratulations and happy thanksgiving.
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Old 11-27-2014, 07:10 PM
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Congratulations and happy thanksgiving. This is going to pave the way for the future and soon we won't have to fight so hard to keep out kids safe. The cycle will stop with you. I am going to take your lead and keep fighting hard and for my daughter's safety too. I like to think of it as an adult behavior plan for an alcoholic/addict and with the nature of their disease will most likely fail the plan.
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Old 11-27-2014, 07:11 PM
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Sorry for my double post, my phone was acting weird.
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Old 11-28-2014, 02:11 AM
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(((((hugs))))) You're so amazing and so strong and I'm happy for you and your girls!
Happy Thanksgiving!
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Old 11-28-2014, 03:22 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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You know, I didn't look at it the way a few of you pointed out but you're right... I did outsmart him. And his horrid lawyer underestimated me. He expected me to crumble or give in to just have it end or maybe he thought that if he lied enough and deflected from the facts I would get caught up defending myself and lose focus.

To anyone who is going through this still I would say TRUST YOURSELF. I ignored my lawyers advice last week and weekend and contacted xAH and met privately with him and got this all done that way.

I saw a window and took it. It could have blown up in my face and my worked out. But it didn't. And it wasn't luck. It was a calculated risk. Thank god for my kids and I it paid off.

I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to hear and see his lawyers reaction to knowing his client (for whom he had JUST filed an insane ex parte) had just signed a FINAL parenting plan that pretty much shows the ex parte request was an utter lie.

The judge still has to review and approve this and I suppose there is a chance she could refuse to but I find that unlikely.

So.... Just still astounded myself. Hard to believe this is really real.
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Old 11-28-2014, 05:11 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Knowing you're a lawyer and one who has a wealth of experience w DV matters it means the world to me that you're amazed too by this.

And your explanation below makes perfect sense. I did outsmart and out negotiate and I feel proud of myself bc I did it with my kids best interest foremost in my mind.

Finally doin the right thing pays off. I had seriously begun to wonder.

Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
You weren't manipulative, you were a good negotiator. You simply used your own knowledge about what his weaknesses and worries and desires were to get what was in your and the kids' best interests. That's what negotiation IS. You weren't a powerful person exploiting a weaker one. You were clever and confident and it paid off, big-time.

I am still blown away by the outcome. Dazzled. And I'm not just saying that.
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Old 11-28-2014, 05:28 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
You know, I didn't look at it the way a few of you pointed out but you're right... I did outsmart him. And his horrid lawyer underestimated me. He expected me to crumble or give in to just have it end or maybe he thought that if he lied enough and deflected from the facts I would get caught up defending myself and lose focus.

To anyone who is going through this still I would say TRUST YOURSELF. I ignored my lawyers advice last week and weekend and contacted xAH and met privately with him and got this all done that way.

I saw a window and took it. It could have blown up in my face and my worked out. But it didn't. And it wasn't luck. It was a calculated risk. Thank god for my kids and I it paid off.

I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to hear and see his lawyers reaction to knowing his client (for whom he had JUST filed an insane ex parte) had just signed a FINAL parenting plan that pretty much shows the ex parte request was an utter lie.

The judge still has to review and approve this and I suppose there is a chance she could refuse to but I find that unlikely.

So.... Just still astounded myself. Hard to believe this is really real.
You did outsmart and outnegotiate everyone, which you clearly had in you, and you deserve full credit for that. You are awesome! Also, to be honest, if anyone DESERVED to win one, it was you after all the crap you've been through with this guy. I'm giving you a standing ovation from my office.
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Old 11-28-2014, 05:28 AM
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I had one experience like this when I negotiated the sale of farm property I owned with my last SO(B). I drafted an agreement between us and was careful to include his right to consult a lawyer (I didn't want him claiming I took advantage because I AM a lawyer). It was utterly fair to both of us (my lawyer felt it was more than I needed to give him but it felt fair to me).

Sold the property for a TON of money (way more than we paid), figured the dollar amount to the penny and sent him a sizable certified check. When his share was less than his pea-brain had expected, he sent a letter to my lawyer demanding more.

I told her what to say in the letter--that we EXACTLY followed the agreement HE had signed, and that after taxes, we figured he owed ME a couple thousand dollars, which I would waive unless he decided to make an issue out of it. Never heard another peep.

So yeah, I know the feeling when you follow your instincts. It's WONDERFUL when it pays off.
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Old 11-28-2014, 05:45 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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wonderful news!
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Old 11-28-2014, 07:56 PM
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WTBH, I am THRILLED for you! My heart just ached in your last thread, but this one--WOW!

I am so very, very glad you stood your ground. High fives all around!
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Old 12-01-2014, 02:44 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Thank you all for your support! He has to go to the court today to make it official and let the judge know he agreed w this himself since his attorney withdrew in anger after seeing it.

So hold me in your prayers and thoughts just a tad bit longer.

Knowing XAH as I do I take nothing as a given until it is 110% official and truth be told I have some anxiety that he may balk at this after having mulled it over and try and withdraw his signature and the paperwork already having been filed.

Fingers crossed that all goes well today.
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Old 12-01-2014, 02:54 AM
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Hugs, keep us posted. Hope all goes well--he might be tired of the fighting (and the expense) right now, too.
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Old 12-01-2014, 03:06 AM
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or think of this...he may have had a booze filled weekend and be so deathly hungover, he will not have the thought process to argue anything as he mulled this over and drowned himself in the alcohol (which is his regular coping process, right)?

good wishes for you and protecting your daughters from this poor excuse for a parent. thankfully as the years go by, your girls will have less and less contact with him as they grow up and realize for themselves what he has done to them to instill fear.
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