weezer77

So I refuse to let my kids go back to visit their dad until I am made to. He drank and drove them when they went last time. At first I was going to let them go for this holiday because the older two kids from his previous marriage would be there. But he flat out said he didn't want them. He wanted to spend time with the other two kids. I gave him some of my thoughts and then he wanted to change his mind a day later. I stood my ground. Now...it seems like every couple of days he is txting me. I ask him what he wants and he replies.."you know". I think it ridiculous and i feel like its his way of trying to be in touch with me. I have been ignoring him but he uses the stupid excuses to txt me. Any suggestions or thoughts? He has "moved" on with another woman which he lied about to everyone and me so....

MissFixit

Do your kids want to see him? Does he want to see them now? Is he drinking? Does he agree to not drink during their visit?

I would ignore all texts unless they are about the children's welfare.

weezer77

He just said he would split the week with the little ones. He hasn't called once to talk to them in 2 weeks. He refuses to stop drinking around them because now, he is not an alcoholic. And nobody will tell him what to do. All his contact with me was about our hearing, or his mom and I brought up the conversation of him taking the kids for the holiday. He could care less. They are 4 and 6 and require responsibility.

ladyscribbler

Sounds like he's looking for a way to make himself the victim. "I tried to see the kids but my ex is so cruel she won't let me."
Ignore this crap. Is there a formal custody arrangement in place? They are too young to be passed back and forth with an active alcoholic determining the visitation schedule.
I'm in a similar boat where my ex makes a big deal about seeing DS5 every few weeks (he lives in another state) and then doesn't show up or call. He just filed a petition for joint custody in his home state which I am having to pay for a lawyer to get dismissed. He has also moved on and has three new "stepdaughters" (they are also his first cousins, but whatever).

pixilation

So block him, if he wants to discuss the kids, make a ***** account that he can enail.

Impurrfect

I think he's texting you because he wants to seem like the caring dad, but can't follow through with the actions to actually be one.

I agree....the kids are too young to be passed back and forth. I went through this with my niece who's dad is an addict.

All I can say is do what is best for you and the kids, and if that means setting up a ***** account to ONLY talk about the kids, then so be it.

As with all cases where kids are involved, from what I've learned here, document document document. Your kids need you, the one parent who is truly invested in what is best for them!

I know it's hard, but it seems like he is just quacking. Maybe set your phone up to where when his number comes up, so does a duck quacking? I've known of several people who have done this and it really helps.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

weezer77

I too was wondering if he was playing the victim card. Thats fine if he is. He did the same thing before to me with the other two. One other time his family left a party he was drinking at and they let him drive them home. I cant trust them to do right either. He runs the show there.

MissFixit

Thank God you are not with him anymore. GROSS!

WMJ1012

"why is he still txting me!?"

Because your txting back.

I don't text with anyone unless it's absolutely necessary. Too much room for manipulation (myself included.)

NYCDoglvr

Why do his motives matter? Maybe he's just bored...... In the meantime, I hope you keep the children away from when he is drinking ... even a court order is better than putting them in potential danger.

weezer77

Had my kids to call yesterday to say Happy Thanksgiving...No answer. Sent a txt to let him know his kids were calling. Simply said, xxx tried to call you. His response was F*@! You.
Nice. Goes to show me, he cares so much to see and talk to his kids. Not my problem. But sad for them.

weezer77

Now he is emailing me and wants to know why I wont talk to him. I see the emotional abuse now for what it is. I am going to try to talk to him one time. Any advice?

suki44883

Advice: DO NOT TALK TO HIM!

It's a hook. Don't fall for it.

hopeful4

Advise: print and keep all communication for court. Go no contact as much as possible. Don't answer his stupid crap. So, is there a formal custody agreement in place? If not, get one.

SparkleKitty

I can pretty much guarantee that the ONLY thing he wants to accomplish is getting you to respond. He doesn't want to have a deep, healing discussion. He doesn't want to apologize for all of his wrongs. He is not changed.

Do with that what you will.

iamthird

I needed to read this thread for myself today. Reminders are always good. No matter how far I have progressed, because we share a child I have to remember not to engage. I remember once someone told me on here I dont have to catch the ball every time he throws it at me.

weezer77

So how do you handle that? Not engage?

lillamy

I'm not a lawyer, but I think calling one for a consultation would be a good idea. That way, you would have the law to back you up -- right now, all you have is an agreement between you and the ex, right?

lillamy

And yes. Don't engage. Find a lawyer who can tell you what your rights are -- if you have anything in writing from this guy that says "I never wanted those kids in the first place," that's a good thing to provide a lawyer with.

LexieCat

Don't take the bait.

And yes, call a lawyer.