cherra

Should I tell and if so who? I went by our house yesterday to pick up our daughter's deer rifle (I don't want a lecture from anti-hunters) and found a lot of notes such as 'Daddy's gun, killed my first deer with it" It's like he's leaving a record for when he's gone. He's threatened suicide before and even put a gun to his head before he fired it in the house. I haven't seen him in 19 days so I really don't know how much he's drinking. If he kills himself and I don't alert someone, how will I feel. Thing is - his whole family knows he's threatened suicide and is drinking again AND they don't want to hear from me. Should I tell? What if this is all about making me worry?

Hangnbyathread

This is not your battle to win. Intervening will just get you entangled. If he is going to kill himself, that isn't your doing. I might suggest something like, visit the local PD and ask if you can make an anonymous report to alert them. If they can't, then don't. Or maybe visit a church near him and ask the pastor if they can intervene while keeping you anonymous.

Past that....walk away.

biminiblue

If he threatens suicide call 911. If he is serious he will get the help he needs. If he isn't serious, he will at least stop telling you this. It's manipulative and is designed to keep you hooked.

Let him go. He's going to do what he's going to do. I have little notes on some of my things, too. I'm getting older, the history of items is probably more important to me than anyone else, but I do it anyway.

Refiner

Do you talk w/him on the phone and share events that go on w/your daughter? If he's actively drinking perhaps he's writing notes to remind him of topics to bring up with you since he knows he won't remember them?

cherra

Thank you all so much. I really think I over-reacted. I've lived for so long with the fear that he was going to do it that I borrowed trouble!

Ixi

cherra, my XABF has been suicidal for awhile, and he has once explicitly threatened suicide. Here is what I did - and I am not saying that what I did is the RIGHT thing or the ONLY right thing.

When he talked about not having anything to live for, I talked to him about it. I have a history of depression myself, so I told him my experience, told him how much better I felt after talking to someone and going on an anti-depressant. I also gave him the number for the suicide prevention hotline (1-800-273-TALK) and asked him to save it if he needed it in the future. And then, when he called me a couple weeks after we broke up and told me he had a gun to his head, I called 911, and they took him into protective custody for a week. Turns out he blew a .45 when the police came for him (didn't know that was possible while still alive) and has no recollection of saying anything he said to me.

EDITED to add that this (as with EVERY bit of advice you get on the website) is dependent on the type of relationship I had with my A. Talking about it might not be possible for everyone and, again, what I did is not necessarily the right thing or the only right thing.