LexieCat

Keep us posted--we care.

meggem

I just called and got the dispatcher who said if you are filing a violation it has to be done in person, either they come to your house, or you have to go to the police station. I'm at work - I asked if an officer could call me. I can't stop in there tonight, and he is supposed to have the girls tomorrow for dinner.

LexieCat

I'd ask the officers to come by the workplace, or have the girls stay with a friend while you go to the police station. Can you call someone to take them for a couple of hours?

meggem

An officer called me back - I asked if he could call him and scare him. He said if he calls him, he has to write a report and if he has to write a report, then it has to be filed, and if its going to be filed, I have to come in. If he calls without writing a report he could get in trouble he said.

I asked if he would consider calling him "off the record" and he said he would do that and he would call me back.

I know I only did this half way but I don't have the courage yet.

Go ahead.. I'm ready...

LexieCat

No, that took courage. You took a step that protects yourself.

Next time, you go all the way, right?

Just so you know, I once had a case with a very scary stalker who repeatedly was warned by the police to stop (the victim did not want to press charges, she just wanted to be left alone). He upped his game and ultimately was found by the police face down and unconscious with a pellet gun and molotov cocktails and her statement she had given the police. He was halfway between his house and hers when the alcohol and Tylenol he had OD'd on took him out.

So "scaring" doesn't always work. But if he keeps it up, you know what to do. Calling the police this time will make it easier to do next time.

Hugs,

FireSprite

Baby steps count, meg.

Santa

Good for you, good first step. Good job asking the officer what he could do to help you here. Your ex will be surprised to find that you are getting serious. Now - when he texts you after he hears from the officer: do not answer him. Do not get into a dialogue with him. You do not have to answer and you should not, because of the PO. There is NO need to text back and forth to "chat" about the children. If he baits you with a meaningless question about the kids: ignore.

LexieCat

I think if he texts or messages or calls after hearing from the officer the only thing left to do is to file a violation. Personally, I'd be surprised if it's that fast, but it could be.

I'm betting that if he doesn't respond, though, there will be a lot of eye-rolling or glaring or huffing and puffing, or even sad looks when he picks up the kids for visitation. Do NOT respond to that. THAT you can ignore.

Say to yourself, "Not taking the bait, not taking the bait, not taking the bait."

Butterfly

This ^^^^^ Did you think people would give off at you?

Well done Meg that's was a good first step. If the officer calls and warns him and he continues you may need to follow through with making the complaint official. Remember as long as you don't respond to his attempts in conversation about anything other than the kids you are not violating the order. Keep all communication you send or reply with about the kids do not reply to other comments or questions he makes.

Tight hugs one day at a time

meggem

Thanks you guys. Yes, Butterfly I was kind of expecting disappointment from the group. Everyone here seems so evolved and smart and educated about all of this and I felt like I took the chickens road. I appreciate the support.

For a brief period of time last night I fantasized calling him or emailing him and halfway apologizing and explaing my point of view. Obviously I didn't and didn't even come close, but this is what can tend to go on in my head.

I already got an email message from him yesterday asking to be kept in the loop regarding the weather we are having today and where the kids will be when it is time for them to be picked up.

I am quite certain I will end up having to file an official report within this 18-month period. I guess it's better to count on that then live in la-la land.

thank you everyone for your support and replies

dandylion

meggem....I have a suggestion: At those times when your brain threatens to take you down the rabbit hole..... repeat this, over and over: "I will not indulge myself by thinking for him; I will not indulge myself by feeling his feelings for him; Help me, God".

dandylion

dandylion

meggem....I have a suggestion: At those times when your brain threatens to take you down the rabbit hole..... repeat this, over and over: "I will not indulge myself by thinking for him; I will not indulge myself by feeling his feelings for him; Help me, God".

dandylion

Santa

One clear boundary that I recommend you set for yourself: you aren't going to threaten to enforce the order even one more time. That just puts you back to square 1 playing cat and mouse. If he steps over the line, you simply file the report and you do it without explanation or warning. The order IS the warning.

LexieCat

^^^^^^^
THIS. Yes. He's been warned by the order, he's been warned by you, he's been warned by the cop who called him. No more warnings.