wellington1

Hi everyone
I've been thinking a lot since ABF's last relapse. Thinking that my own sanity is failing, that this is no way to live. The constant anxiety, total lack of trust and basically waiting for him to pick up- and lie thro his teeth about it. Danger signs were flashing- we both have this week off work. I had a gut feeling he'd drink today. Nothing other than a feeling. Went to his house, nothing obvious other than him not making eye contact. Thought I could possibly smell it on him. We planned to hav dinner and see a show, so we did.. Couldn't shake the churning feeling tho.
Got home half an hour ago and I found (looked for) a receipt from last night at 21.30 for a bottle of booze. Confirmation. I told him I could smell booze on him, he said I couldn't possibly. So I'm lying here chewed to bits with him sound aseep beside me.
Lies lies lies. I don't see effort from him. I'm tired and utterly fed up. I think the time to end this is coming. Xx thanks xx

ladyscribbler

I found this thread on the Newcomers to Recovery forum. It's sad/funny and gives a pretty good insight into alcoholic thinking.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ink-today.html

I just reread an old journal from around the time I left my ex for good. Felt the same way, like he had made his choice (alcohol) so then I had to make mine.
Hugs to you.

wellington1

Do I do it in the morning? Do I wait? Do I think some more? So confused but numb

wellington1

Why do I search for proof? I just got out of bed to look through the bin... Obviously found what I was looking for. I should trust my gut, I don't need proof when I already know

LexieCat

You don't have to DO anything right this second. If you feel you are leaning in the direction of leaving, start planning how to do it.

I take it you don't live together? Is it just a matter of walking away? No financial entanglements/kids to consider?

I'd wait at least till you've slept on it. I'm not discouraging you, it's just that big scenes in the middle of the night are usually pretty unpleasant.

Hugs,

wellington1

Thank you. We don't live together, no kids. Should be simple right? Sleep and talk tomorrow I suppose. This is gonna be a great birthday!

LexieCat

Oh, it's your birthday tomorrow? Well, look at it this way, it may be difficult, but it might be the best gift you could give yourself.

Have a birthday hug from me: (((((wellington1)))))

ladyscribbler

I'm with Lexie. Sleep first, then whatever.
Do something nice for you on your birthday, maybe something he never wanted to do or see a movie he would have hated, try a restaurant he never wanted to go to.
Hugs.

FireSprite

I went back & read a few of your posts to get more familiar with your story & it sounds like you've been going through this back & forth yo-yo with him since almost the very onset of your relationship.

Maybe it's very timely & not at all ironic that your Birthday may become your Independence Day!

NYCDoglvr

What kept me clinging to a bad relationship was denial and rationalization. Thanks to Alanon I learned to accept what was patently evident, that the ONLY change possible was withdrawing from the toxic person. Later the only thing I regretted about leaving was that it took too long. Good luck!

Jenibean87

Happy Birthday to you! You are giving yourself the best possible present to celebrate. You are giving yourself the gift of self love, of freedom from anxiety and mistrust, of hope for a better future with a capable partner, and of a happier days to come. You sound pretty resigned with your choice--I guess we know when enough is enough. I like what NYC said above: I hope the only regret you have is that it took as long as it did!

I'm glad to see you putting yourself first.

wellington1

Thanks guys. its so so flipping hard! I'm not acting immediately, want him to be sober, not hungover. One minute I'm certain, the next I'm not. Scared of being without him, of being alone I suppose but I'm aware that being alone without the anxiety and troubles would be healthier. I'm reading co dependent no more... thought provoking stuff...
I'm on a night shift right now, not ideal. Just need to stay strong..

LexieCat

Well, if he's an alcoholic he's likely to be drunk or hungover (or on his way to one of those conditions) most of the time. Wait until he's completely sober with no alcohol in his system and you will (a) probably be waiting quite a while and (b) if he does manage to achier that glorious state, you will probably decide that he's not so bad, after all--at least until his next bender.

Jenibean87

Love that book. Keep reading!! If you're struggling with the finality of your choice, then maybe take an easier route and just ask for a separation to test it out. He can say no to that of course, but it might open up a conversation with him that let's him know that the consequences of his drinking are growing. Just remember that above all, this is about YOU and YOUR happiness. So, make your choices based on what you want for yourself.

Hammer

Just my observation . . . Folks sometimes confuse Important with Urgent.

Many times Important things are not Urgent -- so they do not get taken care of.

Many times Urgent things are not Important -- but since they are considered Urgent they take over the Priorities.

It is Important that you take care of YOU.

It is NOT Urgent that you stay / leave / come / go / whatever.

Take care of the Important things FIRST, and you may find you have a Lot Less Urgent things to deal with.