Gossip?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 8
Gossip?
My partner is in sober living and I've been very impressed with his progress when I've seen him (less than once a week for the past month -- he's been out of the house for 3 months now).
Today I received a call from a close friend who passed on 2nd hand information that she heard he'd been drinking again, and "I'm telling you because we all know how manipulative he is and don't want you to be deceived."
"Did you see him drunk?", I asked.
"No, but [close friend] saw him at work and says he's blitzed."
"Thank you", I said, "I appreciate the information, but this is really his issue to deal with and I hope he makes wise choices."
Of course, now I'm trying to let go of my doubts and worries, I texted to him that I hoped all was well and that he continues to get help.
But I'm kind of all over the map here. I'm sort of angry at the friend and sort of grateful. I'm sort of over it with the partner and hopeful. And fearful.
I removed him from my house mid-August, and there may be setbacks and I know recovery from alcoholism is his task and mine is recovery from my own relationship to alcoholism (which is brand new to me -- this is my first alcoholic). But I can't help feeling I'm dragged into a vortex that I didn't want to be in.
Today I received a call from a close friend who passed on 2nd hand information that she heard he'd been drinking again, and "I'm telling you because we all know how manipulative he is and don't want you to be deceived."
"Did you see him drunk?", I asked.
"No, but [close friend] saw him at work and says he's blitzed."
"Thank you", I said, "I appreciate the information, but this is really his issue to deal with and I hope he makes wise choices."
Of course, now I'm trying to let go of my doubts and worries, I texted to him that I hoped all was well and that he continues to get help.
But I'm kind of all over the map here. I'm sort of angry at the friend and sort of grateful. I'm sort of over it with the partner and hopeful. And fearful.
I removed him from my house mid-August, and there may be setbacks and I know recovery from alcoholism is his task and mine is recovery from my own relationship to alcoholism (which is brand new to me -- this is my first alcoholic). But I can't help feeling I'm dragged into a vortex that I didn't want to be in.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Ugh. Your friend probably MEANT well, but I know how "helpful" information like that can make you feel.
Maybe let your friend know that you appreciate her concern (which you already said), but that you really don't WANT to hear updates about him.
Other than that, you might want to step up your Al-Anon meetings if you go (and if you don't, this might be a great time to start). If he IS drinking, he's not likely to be in that sober living situation much longer and you have to be prepared to deal with requests to come home. Are you able to say "no"?
Maybe let your friend know that you appreciate her concern (which you already said), but that you really don't WANT to hear updates about him.
Other than that, you might want to step up your Al-Anon meetings if you go (and if you don't, this might be a great time to start). If he IS drinking, he's not likely to be in that sober living situation much longer and you have to be prepared to deal with requests to come home. Are you able to say "no"?
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
The things people do in their well-meaning ways can sometimes be frustrating as hell. *shaking my head*
You seem to be handling it really well, though. And I second the idea of stepping up your meetings. There were times when I went to meetings seven days a week.
You seem to be handling it really well, though. And I second the idea of stepping up your meetings. There were times when I went to meetings seven days a week.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by kenar 
I removed him from my house mid-August, and there may be setbacks and I know recovery from alcoholism is his task and mine is recovery from my own relationship to alcoholism (which is brand new to me -- this is my first alcoholic). But I can't help feeling I'm dragged into a vortex that I didn't want to be in.
Not my monkeys, not my circus.
or the Texas Version . . . .
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
Kenar
You handled this very maturely. Nice work.
Your partner's drinking is none of your friend's concern.
But gossip is a "normal" thing in the world...most people don't understand it's not spiritually good behavior nor can they resist temptation
When I allow others to be in God's hands and have their own path, I can let go of the outcomes
Also I can pray for them and at the end say "Thy will be done."
It's the most powerful thing we can do in this situation
You handled this very maturely. Nice work.
Your partner's drinking is none of your friend's concern.
But gossip is a "normal" thing in the world...most people don't understand it's not spiritually good behavior nor can they resist temptation
When I allow others to be in God's hands and have their own path, I can let go of the outcomes
Also I can pray for them and at the end say "Thy will be done."
It's the most powerful thing we can do in this situation
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