Just needing to vent a little.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 11
Just needing to vent a little.
I feel so stupid. I thought I was healthy enough to start dating. I am beginning to believe my gut is broken. I have stated what I wanted. Then in actuality settled. However, I know that I am settling when I do it. I even start to make excuses for the behaviour and start to rationalize it.
This is what I want- to have a healthy adult relationship. I want a boyfriend.
I feel I was taken advantage of this past weekend. I met a guy online. Hit it off texting. Had a good date Thursday night. Friday night went great. Spent the night Saturday night. Left Sunday feeling great. Thinking we were entering an exclusive relationship.
Monday I cried my eyes out. He said he wasn't interested and that all I wanted was sex! Imagine my confusion and surprise. I thought there were two people there participating. I believed everything he said. I was thinking I had hit the jack pot with this guy. He was too good to be true.
A few days later and some thought, I re-examined the situation. I read over all the texts, I reviewed in my mind the events of those few days. How could I have missed it? So now I don't trust myself and have decided to back off from dating for a while.
I feel like a fool. I even text this guy (begging) to give me a second chance. UGH! I am so much better than this. I am too good for him! I am a good catch for someone! I am educated, I own my own business, I support myself, I can take care of myself. I have a lot going on for me!
Why would I even settle? Am I that too loved starved? Or is it that I have not actually learned to love myself first?
I am not to trust myself right now to make good dating decisions. I just needed to write this out and get it out. I may even add to this later. Just my random thoughts.
This is what I want- to have a healthy adult relationship. I want a boyfriend.
I feel I was taken advantage of this past weekend. I met a guy online. Hit it off texting. Had a good date Thursday night. Friday night went great. Spent the night Saturday night. Left Sunday feeling great. Thinking we were entering an exclusive relationship.
Monday I cried my eyes out. He said he wasn't interested and that all I wanted was sex! Imagine my confusion and surprise. I thought there were two people there participating. I believed everything he said. I was thinking I had hit the jack pot with this guy. He was too good to be true.
A few days later and some thought, I re-examined the situation. I read over all the texts, I reviewed in my mind the events of those few days. How could I have missed it? So now I don't trust myself and have decided to back off from dating for a while.
I feel like a fool. I even text this guy (begging) to give me a second chance. UGH! I am so much better than this. I am too good for him! I am a good catch for someone! I am educated, I own my own business, I support myself, I can take care of myself. I have a lot going on for me!
Why would I even settle? Am I that too loved starved? Or is it that I have not actually learned to love myself first?
I am not to trust myself right now to make good dating decisions. I just needed to write this out and get it out. I may even add to this later. Just my random thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Hit it off texting. Had a good date Thursday night. Friday night went great. Spent the night Saturday night. Left Sunday feeling great.
that was a bit too much too soon eh? you went from texting to sleeping together in.....3 days? and thought you hit the jackpot. i believe that's called seeking instant gratification.
slow it down. way down. let this one go. get back to you.
would you buy a house based upon one photo, that may have been taken 10 years ago? or would you spend time seeing the house for yourself, walking thru the rooms, opening and closing doors, getting a formal inspection, researching the neighborhood, looking into the tax history, before ever making such a big decision?
or come across a want ad for a job in another country and pack up and move there before ever actually applying for the job???
take your time. be observant...of yourself, of others. get real comfy being you, being with you, knowing and appreciating you exactly as you are. that's where you'll find the Real Deal!!!
that was a bit too much too soon eh? you went from texting to sleeping together in.....3 days? and thought you hit the jackpot. i believe that's called seeking instant gratification.
slow it down. way down. let this one go. get back to you.
would you buy a house based upon one photo, that may have been taken 10 years ago? or would you spend time seeing the house for yourself, walking thru the rooms, opening and closing doors, getting a formal inspection, researching the neighborhood, looking into the tax history, before ever making such a big decision?
or come across a want ad for a job in another country and pack up and move there before ever actually applying for the job???
take your time. be observant...of yourself, of others. get real comfy being you, being with you, knowing and appreciating you exactly as you are. that's where you'll find the Real Deal!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
Hi Fez, sorry you are feeling down.
My thoughts are you moved a little quick. Met for the first time in person Thursday. Woke up at his place Sunday. Yikes.
I am sorry you feel used but.....
Move a little slower next time. You sound you like you are a pretty good catch. Act like it. Don't come off so desperate and wait a month or so before jumping in the sack. If they are a decent guy they will respect that, and you will have proven yourself as someone worth respecting.
My thoughts are you moved a little quick. Met for the first time in person Thursday. Woke up at his place Sunday. Yikes.
I am sorry you feel used but.....
Move a little slower next time. You sound you like you are a pretty good catch. Act like it. Don't come off so desperate and wait a month or so before jumping in the sack. If they are a decent guy they will respect that, and you will have proven yourself as someone worth respecting.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You're not stupid. The thing is, you spent three or four days seeing this guy and you launched into "exclusive relationship" territory. Maybe HE thought you were in it for the same thing he was. Some women actually are.
I wouldn't hold out for "another chance" with this guy. He has said he's not interested in anything but getting laid, so trying to change that is like trying to change an alcoholic.
Just step back and do a little more thinking about what you want and how not to get derailed from that, before going out on more dates with anyone.
I wouldn't hold out for "another chance" with this guy. He has said he's not interested in anything but getting laid, so trying to change that is like trying to change an alcoholic.
Just step back and do a little more thinking about what you want and how not to get derailed from that, before going out on more dates with anyone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
I'm guessing he came right out and told you HE was only intersted in sex. I feel like he's just done you one GIGANTIC favor since he sounds like a jerkwad and didn't cause you to waste any more time on him. Like others have said, just slow it down. But enjoy enjoy the ride and watch for the red flags along the way. You'll be fine!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
healthy relationships are built on a foundation of friendship, trust, common interests, and honest open communication.
Three days is simply not enough time to build any type of solid foundation.
Sorry for how this turned out, write it off as a lesson learned.
S-l-o-w - D-o-w-n.
Rome was not built in a day, friend.
Three days is simply not enough time to build any type of solid foundation.
Sorry for how this turned out, write it off as a lesson learned.
S-l-o-w - D-o-w-n.
Rome was not built in a day, friend.
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