arlinka

My 45 yr old daughter started drinking heavily after her divorce last year. She took her youngest to school and they noticed she had been drinking. Long story short, child is with the father now. In the past year she has been in & out of programs......then she comes to live with me because shes basically homeless. BUT when I am at work at night, she drinks. I threw her out a few times before in the summer and she slept in her car, but she left a week ago on her own and now wants to come back & I said no . I feel guilty though because it is freezing cold outside. Her car is unregistered and uninsured so its just a matter of time she doesnt have that to live out of. But enough is enough! IM gonna have a nervous breakdown if i take her back again and she continues to drink even though she promises not to. Shes not stupid she is a RN and just this week said she "quit" her $35 an hr job. HELP! I NEED ADVICE!

LadyinBC

Please do not feel guilty this is not your fault. As an alcoholic I was responsible for my own messes. And so is she.

I can't imagine how hard this is for you, I know as a mother, we just want to save our kids.

Have you thought about going to Al-anon? And welcome to SR you will find lots of support here.

Hopeworks

Promises are just words sadly. Has she tried sober living home or a long term residential program? 28 days often is just a starting point for unscrambling the brain... she has to learn how to live life sober and find happiness without alcohol.

She needs help but not crashing at your house. You already know it doesn't work.

LexieCat

I don't have experience with an adult child, but it sounds like you are doing the right thing by not allowing her to live with you. I am also a sober alcoholic, and I know many people who lived in their cars before they were ready to accept help. I also agree with HopeWorks that rehab might be the best to get her off this hamster wheel, but she has to WANT to get better.

And yes, Al-Anon can be a HUGE help for YOU.

dandylion

arlinka....As a parent who has had to kick out an adult child (after letting him live with me several times--with disasterous results)...I want to say that you are doing the right thing.
The difficult part is that the right thing and the hardest thing are the same thing!!

This runs against the nature of most all parents. (Alcoholism turns the usual rules, that we grew up with, topsy turvy).

She might hit the skids for a while. Let her....resist the impulse to cushion her pain. Assist her only by directing her toward treatment (if she asks for it).

There is a saying: Pain drives the train.

From my experience---I can't say this strongly enough: Get support for yourself ASAP.
You are probably hurting more than her, right now. (she has the drink to comfort herself). I suggest that you find an alanon meeting as soon as possible. Book some sessions with an alcoholism counselor to discuss this with. Learn all you can about this disease.

This is tough stuff. But, I absolutely think you did the right thing.

dandylion

CodeJob

Welcome Arlinka!

One of the best Al Anon meetings I have been to was a parent meeting! I hope you decide to reach out for some local support. Glad you found SR!