WMJ1012

Recovery is a lot of hard work. We need lots of rest. We need to be kind to ourselves too.

More than half of AAs suffer with codependency and many don't know it. I remember the day I read the description online (to validate my judgments against someone else!) and saw myself in the criteria. My whole body burned with a flash of heat sent right through it. I knew it was me. I was over 10 years sober and never considered it, and today I know it's what underlied my addictions.

I never say the word "codependent" in a meeting.

My observation is that everyone is codependent to a certain degree.

My thought for tonight: we deserve to have quality people in our lives.

Nuudawn

Okay so I'm confused...how does the first step of admitting you are powerless over alcohol help you with

"I was afraid to quit drinking, because it might make him mad"

Do you see what I'm getting at Eauchiche? Your issue is not with alcohol..your issue is with the feelings, approval, disapproval, validation etc..of your partner.

PaperDolls

double post

PaperDolls

I hear ya Nuudawn. Don't think so hard.

How about this instead?
We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Nuudawn

And that's the biggest surrender of all!!!!!

LOL..thank you Paperdolls.

AnvilheadII

Okay so I'm confused...how does the first step of admitting you are powerless over alcohol help you with

"I was afraid to quit drinking, because it might make him mad"

um, because she probably STARTED drinking with her partner to try and manage??? thought that by drinking WITH him she could somehow CONTROL it better? and then realizing that wasn't working, had to face the fact that she also couldn't control how he would react when she QUIT drinking.

i think.

sometimes it's best to cut step one short - we admitted we were powerless. LOL

Rosalba

You can also be codependent without alcohol being involved at all... I guess codependency is present in any relationship where a partner or loved one has been chosen (albeit unconsciously) on the basis of their lack of availability, and the codie is waiting and hoping they'll change... instead of looking at their own issues.

Substance addiction is one way in which people will be unavailable, but applies all the way down the line to people who are fixated on celebrities who don't even know they exist - as a substitute for establishing intimate relationships in the here and now.

For Alanoners, the first step "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol..." is an admission that the addiction is more powerful than we are, and also that we cannot control the alcoholic's supply. I've known people who came into Alanon convinced, at least initially, that they could. The rest of us just looked at the floor while they explained how they were successfully controlling the alcoholic...

Rosalba

But we're not powerless! For me, the most important part of recovery is discovering exactly where my power and - just as importantly - where my Higher Power lies!

(Though it's certainly not in trying to control something which I patently obviously can't...)

Stung

I cannot control the effects that alcohol has over me or anyone else when consumed, especially in great excess. Further, I have been trying so hard to control things that are so beyond my control that my life is beyond overwhelming, hence unmanageable. The smallest things that could be easily dealt with I take them and transform them from mole hills into mountains in my own insane thinking because I've been living with alcoholism and trying to control and understand things that are not meant for me to control or understand.

I am not an addict. I am married to one. My husband consumes alcohol in excess and he is obsessed with thinking about alcohol and consuming alcohol. Alcoholism is a family disease and it has effected me, greatly so. So much so that it has effected my day to day life in ways that I haven't even discovered yet. It's like his alcoholism has gone through him and into me just because he's consumed it to such excess and I keep choosing to keep him in my life.

I cannot control what alcohol does to my husband. I cannot control him.

Powers that be, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change (alcohol and all other people, addicts or not). The power to change the things that I can (my bat-**** crazy way of living). And the wisdom to know the difference (thank you recovery!)

Nuudawn

We are definitely not powerless over ourselves. That where all the red hot sizzling amazement lives...in the power we have over ourselves..not others.

This morning, I had to ponder on what I had control over..what I needed to do in order to not suffer over silly conversations. Well...it comes down to boundaries..mine. As much as I love my sister, we don't share the same views on well..most things. I need not seek resonance with my thought process with someone I disagree with most of the time over "emotional issues". I have folks who I am on same "wavelength" with who I can trust to tell me when I'm off base and need a little come uppence. And couple of 'em are actually right here at SR.

I need to keep myself "in check"...it's the only thing I can "keep in check". And until I can pop up with a serene and common sense response like "Yes I hear you but that's not what I asked you"...thank you Firesprite. (right now huge landmines detonate at the slightest tap of codie..or geez, well anything really). I need to keep my things a bit more "neat and tidy".

Nuudawn

Yes..this is the big fish I'm after right now!! This is the one I want to "catch..and release".

Very recently, I had to admit my powerlessness over ..well...love. I can't control it. The most effective way I have is....sabotaging it one way or another. And then I'm sorry.....so that doesn't work either.

It was a painful but incredibly soulful moment. It got right down to my core. It was much, much harder than admitting powerlessness over alcohol.

WMJ1012

We are powerless and must always remember that or our ego tries to play God and we force solutions.

But we are not helpless.

The wisdom to know the difference - when and how to act in each situation - comes from working the steps.