iamthird

We were lying in bed in the dark saying prayers and reflecting on our day. Then out of nowhere DD6 said before bed that me and her brother are the only people who love her.

My family of origin is not close and we never see them and my separated AH has not seen or spoken to her in almost 2 weeks. His family is mostly addicts and alcoholics as well. She literally has nobody but me and her brother.

I just grabbed her tight and hugged her and said that is all she needs. The codie in me wanted to reach out to separated AH but I did not. I am just pushing through this best I can and dealing. The man I married would never abandon his child. He did. I just have to face it. So painful!

53500

iamthird, that is so very sad that your daughter doesn't feel her father loved him. My heart hurts for you and for her. ( Thank God she DOES have you and her brother and she can count on your love.

Stung

I'm sending hugs to you! Also, I thought I'd mention, the way I plan on explaining this to my daughters is that family is more than the people that you share DNA with. I'm estranged from my FOO (by choice) and my husband's FOO (by choice) and subsequently so are both of my daughters. That doesn't mean that they don't have a big family though. I have friends who love my children dearly, I have no doubts that you have friends who feel similarly about your children, and that your DD has her own friends who love her and that she likely has a teacher (or two or three) that cares dearly for her as well. There are a lot of people in her life that love her. AND YOU!

FeliciaM

You can protect that little girl by letting her know all the others that love her.

Be grateful that she was that open and safe with you that she told you how she feels. My DD stopped telling me how she felt when she saw my reaction to her father's rejection. She bottled it up, because she knew I'd call him. Then he'd get mad at her.

If I could change one thing. I would not react to what she said to me. I would listen and be measured in my actions. Bless you and stay strong. Your insticts are correct.

You and her brother do love her. She is one lucky little girl. Hugs to you.

lillamy

It's one of the hardest things to deal with, a parent who is distant/absent/unloving/uncaring. My old therapist told me she has people coming into her office in their 60s and crying, saying "My father never loved me -- what's wrong with me?"

She told me that the goal for children like yours and mine is to get them to the point where they can tell themselves, "my father wasn't capable of loving; there was something broken in him and it had nothing to do with me."

My husband grew up with an abusive father. He says that having just one person in his life -- in his case, a grandmother -- that he knew loved him unconditionally, that saved him. My girlfriend who grew up with two alcoholic parents says the same thing -- in her case, it was an old psychiatric nurse who got her help even though she was technically too old for the pediatric psych clinic and a volunteer at her school who "saw" the lonely, sad, broken kids.

Your daughter has you. She has her brother. That's some pretty tall corn there, my friend.

iamthird

Thank you everyone.

Lillamy, I like what you said the goal was. I am going to aspire to that. Thank you so much.

Rosiepetal

I sympathize, I remember too well that pain of a child, thinking Daddy doesn't love her.
It will pass.
Lucky she has you.
Nothing you can do but carry on loving her.
You're a great Mum & don't you forget it.
Hugs.

LexieCat

I LOVED what lillamy wrote. I'm fortunate enough to have come from an intact, reasonably functional home (how the heck did *I* wind up there???), but I've met many folks with serious problems involving one or more parents/siblings who yet turned out happy and well-adjusted because of the love and care of just one or two people.