checking in on me
 

He knows. He knows I know. I haven't laid a guilt trip on him, but I can tell he has one that's self imposed. With every bible study there is something spoken about addiction or habitual sin and I can see him squirm. I guess at least he squirms.

He calls just to check up on me this afternoon. I suspect about now is when he really wants to drink. Stress is at high levels at work. The medical industry is on shaky ground right now, at least the part he is involved in. So he checks on me and then asks for me to pray for him and the business because it has been a particularly difficult one. No, he hasn't been drinking, I can tell by his voice -- no slurring. He ends the call by making a point to say he loves me.

I can just feel the uneasiness thru the phone tho we are very polite, but then we are almost always civil/polite, last Friday not included and he was the rude one.

How do you just "feel" all that you need to feel so that it doesn't bottle up and cause more stress upon stress? If the cure was to stuff the stress I would be a grade A student. I don't know where to put it, I just know its not good to hang on to it. Am I making sense?

Im not sounding it at the moment, but I am so much better off than I was a year ago and I'm so thankful.

I have heard from other, long recovering alcoholics, that all alcoholics feel shame and gilt. That one can just assume that they feel that--even if they don't say so.
Sometimes...enormous ego needs combined with a sagging self-esteem.

dandylion

***by the way...you only have to feel your own feelings. You don't have to feel his feelings, too. That would be very Co-dependent...LOL!

"God, please help/let me feel my feelings."

Saying nothing can be SOOO much more powerful than lecturing.

Stuffing stress is pretty much never a good idea. Results: high blood pressure, tension, wrinkles, hair loss, weight loss, weight gain, irritability, tight muscles, heart issues, want me to go on....?

What are you feeling? I forget, are you talking with a T? That is a good idea if you are not.

Oh, I forgot. Stress relieving activities: exercise, prayer, mediation, being outside, reading, hot baths, massages, laughing, sleeping, breaking up the routine, carbs, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds, sex, hobbies, happiness and removing the stressor!

I think my stress through using the serenity prayer. Is this something that I can control? No. Do I have the courage to change the stuff that I can control? Yes. Am I trying really hard right now to know the difference between stuff I can control and can't control? Absolutely! Alrighty then, I'll just focus on the stuff that I have the courage to change and maybe do something distracting in the meantime.