drinking in the morning
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Originally Posted by freetosmile 
He has grown to love God now, and wants to be close to him, but doesn't know how. He told me that he wants to break the cycle of alcoholism in his family so our kids and their kids don't have to suffer "our" fate.
Listen to your hurting self. It's trying to tell you something. It needs you, and so do those children. I was that girl who waited around for a long time (too long) for her guy to heal, so that all would be well. I was waiting on someone else to be happy in order to find my own happiness. It didn't work. I think your guy has some deep abandonment fears that cause him to continually accuse you of cheating. Those will never heal if he's abusing alcohol and weed. Even sober, they will only heal with a lot of hard work on his part. Who knows if/when that will happen? Are you willing to continue to be hurt and abused? What about those children? Please be safe and find help for yourself and the children.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Originally Posted by LexieCat
Where is their mom? Is she in the picture?
I dunno, seems to me that protecting them would be a priority over losing contact with them. What they are witnessing their father do is extremely harmful to them.
The cycle can stop with you. Talk to an advocate, who can help you figure out a solution that will protect the kids, as well as you. They don't have to suffer the way you did. Once you get everyone safe, you can work on healing from your childhood issues, too.
I care, I want to see you and your family safe and healthy. Someone has to make the first move, though, and I'd much rather see it be you than have CPS coming in to pick up the pieces after something really bad happens to you.
I dunno, seems to me that protecting them would be a priority over losing contact with them. What they are witnessing their father do is extremely harmful to them.
The cycle can stop with you. Talk to an advocate, who can help you figure out a solution that will protect the kids, as well as you. They don't have to suffer the way you did. Once you get everyone safe, you can work on healing from your childhood issues, too.
I care, I want to see you and your family safe and healthy. Someone has to make the first move, though, and I'd much rather see it be you than have CPS coming in to pick up the pieces after something really bad happens to you.
Their bio mom had her rights terminated when they were babies. So I'm all they have. I would never allow my kids to be in a dangerous situation physically. They do hear him call me names, which is bad enough, I know. But he is always super dad in front of the kids. He never yells or fights in front of them. Just in our bedroom, which is where the girls heard the names...through the wall. Thanks so much. I just needed a reality check. I'm giving it until the first of the year and will leave him if no progress is made. I told him that last night.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by freetosmile
He never yells or fights in front of them. Just in our bedroom, which is where the girls heard the names...through the wall.
Just being behind the walls of another room didn't stop my sister & I from hearing, hurting & crying ourselves to sleep. I used to lie there & pray they would just get divorced - that she would just get strong enough to leave him. I never knew what the fights were about or the details of what they argued about, it never mattered, I could always hear the pain in her voice/cries regardless.
Best of luck on getting your RN! That is a GREAT plan!!!
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
Originally Posted by freetosmile
Yes, I guess we teach people how to treat us. I'm probably just as messed up as he is, because I am the idiot who is sticking around with my dumb sob story. I do see progression. His relapses are further apart. My therapist said that relapse is part of recovery. He's been working on his name calling and anger.i think I will go to alanon and just detach myself from him for a while. Thanks for all the words of wisdom. I needed the reality check. My rose colored glasses were on
Tobi Rice Drews
You are not an idiot! But I know the feeling.. how could we not be messed up too, after dealing with everything that we have dealt with with our A's? It's crazy-making.
It's so hard not to have your rose colored glasses on when you still do see the parts of him that you fell in love with, I know it is for me.
It sounds like you are on the right path though. I hope you are able to detach and take care of yourself and your children.
HUGS
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