I can't...ugh...just venting.
 

So today, ex abf was to pick up dd.
He casually passed responsibility to me, via text, last minute, but you know what, it's cool, I go past the school on my way home.
Ok. Whatevs.
He shows up to visit her at my place, a few hours later...ummmm, stoned, I think? Not reeking of booze, in any case, but blood shot eyes, unable to open them, acting effing weird, rambling, talking about weird stuff. Our kindergartener said, at one point, "dad you said that two times already, this is number three".
After making a total a%^ of himself, he left and called me. To yell at me. For not being his friend. For being "humorless and puritanical"??? And thus "making him look like a jerk" in front of our dd. Oh, and "we need to work on our little family". I can't even...? Like...seriously? What?
And I told him not to come here ever again less than sober (and not to call again, tonight). I told him it's not necessary for us to be friends, we just need to agree on how to raise our daughter.
He responded with...Wait for it...
You're an a##hole. And I guess you can't sober up from that.

Which is funny. It is.
Mean. Not kind. But funny.

I get so tired of being yelled at for being Stalin, Hitler, a fascist, a nazi, an iron fist. ARGH. I can't wear olive OR khaki. They aren't my colors. AND I don't do well in synchronised activities. I can't even partner dance. And I wax my moustache, every time it starts trying to grow. And you know what, I wouldn't have to be so serious, if he would be just a little bit serious about being a responsible adult. I should not have to have the "you cannot take our FIVE year old to hang out in a bar all day" conversation with a grown up. The "you cannot take her away to HIKE IN THE WOODS with some guy you met at the bar" conversation. I am so seriously exhausted with it.
How am I the bad guy to him? I just want our dd to be safe and secure.

Stick to your guns and stop debating about it with him. Don't listen to his tirades, just hang up the phone. Be consistent and they will eventually stop. You are going to have to be the one to put a stop to this. Do you have any kind of legal agreement regarding visitation, child support, etc. Until you do, you don't have any backup.

No. I don't have any legal agreement. I know it's foolish, but my friend went to court with her ex and he was rewarded MORE time than he asked for. And that terrifies me. I can't afford legal help.
Ugh.

Okay, while I acknowledge the situation is frustrating in the extreme, can I just say I like the fact that you can find humour in it (I lol'd when I worked out why you said you didn't look good in khaki)