Linza

I have/had a SO in a long distance relationship. We were together; then he moved to another city. Over the course of 6 years, I learned first he had a history of alcohol, then discovered from his family how he had already been in rehab several times. He has relapsed several times since I have known him from the alcohol, and I now understand when it's not alcohol, it could be lortab, pot, or benzos. This man just cannot handle typical life stress/anxiety and cannot resist "taking the edge off." He has been in rehab 6 times just since I have known him, and now twice in rehab and only Sunday back to detox again from Xanax because he has a new job starting in 2 weeks, and needs to stop. He fully admits the addiction and does regularly attend meetings and has a sponsor and does want to stop. However, when the urge comes, he's off to the racetracks. I have reached my own peace that he is not an SO anymore, only a good friend that I hope can find his way. My question is: do you have family members who have been in and out of rehab? Do they ever stop using something? FYI -- he is now in his late 40s, and seems to be pretty ashamed of all this. But it's just so sad -- why did I stick with him -- other than this (ha ha right), great guy, loyal, tall, A+ personality, handsome, athletic, sweet, kind, etc. He loves me because I am a good example and tried to support. However, I have no drama in my life, a great job and grown kids, and no addiction issues. I have tried to understand, but frankly I'm done. Any similar experience with again and again?

Refiner

With the A's in my life that went to rehab because it was court-ordered, what their spouse wanted them to do, etc., they either picked right back up on the drinking (slowly at first... hey it's JUST a glass of wine!) or they traded their addiction to A for another one (pot, pills, etc.). The only way not to is if they are true to themselves and fully committed to their recovery program. The latest in my A group was my sister who went to rehab after having seizures and concussions from falling down all the time. She is a nightmare with NPD outside of the drinking issues. When she texted me she's been alcohol free for 7 months I congratulated her and asked what program she's working. She texted back "it's called the DON't DRINK program". Right then and there I knew she had only become a sober nightmare to be around. I've gone No Contact with her.

CodeJob

Linza, I wish we could take out a rain gauge and see, 'Yup this addict has reached their bottom. This time they are going to comprehend and do the work.' Alas we can't. For someone with such a history, I wouldn't hold your breath.

lillamy

My sponsor's son did three stints in rehab (heroin) before he got clean. That's the only person I know who has successfully gotten clean after several visits to rehab. The RAs I know either didn't go to rehab (got sober through AA) or the first rehab did the job.

Linza

I don't want to be the rain on his parade. Who knows, maybe this is it? However, the rinse, wash, repeat is disheartening. I have emotionally removed myself. This time seems to be MY rock bottom. Seriously, after so many rehabs, he knows what he has to do, how to do it, what to stay away from, warning signs, ad infinitum. I have ceased trying to understand or empathize. Frankly, I'm not sure it would be a bad thing for him to lose his house etc. A year in a half way house is probably what he needs. 24/7 oversight. But again -- of course I care -- but I don't personally care because I see after 6 years it doesn't matter. He's going to do what he's going to do. I started this thread because I was curious if anyone had been in rehab this many times short of being a movie star or something? And I have no idea who is paying for this -- he has no health insurance.

Refiner

I do have another A that has been in rehab 12-14 times over the last decade. She's the wife of a dear friend's father and they're both in their mid to late 70's and they're on Medicare and some other insurance to help pad it. He finally had it with her about a year ago and filed for divorce. This fall they finally sold their condo and they went into separate apartment housing. We don't think she's drinking again (yet), but she's on so many pills she just lies in bed like a zombie and is virtually a shut-in. So, she traded one addiction in on another. But when she picks up the drink again, she doesn't stop taking the pills and each time gets worse and worse and the wash/rinse/repeat cycle begins again starting with the hysterical calls to 911 that she's dying, the ambulance ride to ER where she usually has a BAC of .45, 3 days of detox in the hospital, then off to rehab where she leaves after 4-5 days because they're "all stupid".

Linza

Oh heavens -- that's what I'm afraid of. That perfectly describes his ex-wife except she has only been in rehab once and does not see herself as an alcoholic and refuses help. She relapses on alcohol occasionally, but is like your friend, chronically depressed and zoned on tons of medication preferring a dark bedroom most of the time. However, she has no money so this also drains my friend who still feels responsible for her. I am sure that contributes to rinse, wash, repeat, but as he is not yet willing to let go of the responsiblity, I suppose they will pull each other down the cliff. Lots of co-dependence blah blah. But I am stepping away -- feels like a relief not to worry about something that is totally out of your control. I suppose that's what Al Anon is all about.

hopeful4

Alcohol and Xanax can be a deadly combo, please be careful

Refiner

Wow, Linza... is her name Judy? Sounds just like both of them, actually. He picks up her pills and takes them to her still. And brings her food and cigarettes. Sometimes we wonder why they even got divorced. She just found out there's a CVS within walking distance of her apartment and when someone told her that her face lit up "THERE IS???" (that's where she used to get her booze when she was still able to drive). It's just a matter of time.

Linza

No not Judy. Except he takes her pills. That's how he got into the Xanax again.

Linza

Re xanax and alcohol. I'm sure it is dangerous: but I'm not the one taking it. If I drink more than one glass of wine, I'm flat on my face.

And one xanax would probably knock me flat.

Before I met my friend, I had no experience with addiction. That's probably why it took so long to give up on him. I was really naive. Until him, there was nothing I couldn't "fix." Well I know now. As they say: let live and let go.

Now if I started to date someone and found out he was alcoholic, I would run, not walk, away as fast as I could.

Oh and yes he does buy the ex her cigarettes.

NWGRITS

Addiction is one giant again and again. The numbers for long-term sobriety are low, and the odds are stacked against the addict. It's unfortunate but true. You certainly aren't venturing into unexplored territory. (((Hugs)))