JuniperRose

It's been awhile since I posted. I left my ABF over a month ago. I snuck off one weekend when he was away (probably drinking). I have been no contact since then with only a few emails here and there about logistics of the move. We have a car together, and I can't afford to keep paying on it with my new rent. I knew I was going to have to contact him about it eventually, but I put it off for over a month because I didn't want to see him or talk to him. I am new to my recovery, but I feel I am making progress. The last few weeks I have been able to enjoy myself again. The anxiety has reduced. I can eat now and sleep through the night. I still have bad days, but I am making progress.

This week I had to contact him. I couldn't put it off anymore. My cousin found a used car I can afford. I need out from under this one. After months of loosing sleep over it, I am at peace with my credit taking a dive if it means freedom from him. I basically told him I was going to stop paying. He could take over if he wanted. He is now trying to arrange it so that he pays part of the payment every month, and I will owe him that money back and pay it when I can. This would keep us on the same insurance, both our names on the car and keep me in debt to him for a decade. I really don't think this is a healthy option for me. I want to severe all connections with him.

Being in contact (even via email) has a lot of emotions brewing. I am angry! I never really got to be angry at him through the breakup. I was just sad and pathetic. I remained friendly because that's what I always do, and I was afraid of pissing him off. Now that I have some perspective, I see just how badly I was treated. Talking to him makes me want to punch something. I have never been someone in touch with my anger, so this is very new to me.

lillamy

I don't have any advice on the car situation, but I do think anger can be a good thing. Yes, I know that carrying anger and resentment around is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die -- but initially, when you've been in a relationship where you've rolled over and played dead in order to keep the peace, getting angry is healthy.

I'm glad you're getting in touch with your feelings again, even if it's uncomfortable. You could contact a lawyer to find out what you can do about the joint ownership of the car. If he's still actively drinking, being on the same insurance with him could be a bad thing for you...

LexieCat

You can sign the title over to him, which would get you off in terms of the liability/insurance issue. If you are willing to risk your credit you can stop paying and tell him that if he doesn't want the car to get repo'd it will be up to him to pay it. (I'd talk to a lawyer, first, if I were you.)