A year ago today I held my boundary
 

Wow.

I just realized it was a year ago today I had my husband removed from the house.

The details are kind of boring. He had moved out of the house a year or so earlier, then moved back in to save on money, with the understanding that he wouldn't drink.

Things had been going well for a few months. We were getting along great and he was reconnecting with our daughter when certain red flags started appearing. Then one day he came stumbling in, said a few mumbled words, and passed out on the sofa. I walked over, said "Yeeeeeah.... you've been drinking, haven't you?" He said "Erpm sawazzu fllarp."

I then calmly went to the phone, dialed his military chain of command, and had them remove him from the house.

I didn't realize at the time that I was putting my Alanon work into practice. I just knew that it felt right. Not easy, but not hard. Simple. Dare I say it....... serene.

I had stated my boundary, he crossed the boundary, I enforced it.

Hello!

Why did I spend so many years complicating it? :)

When I read that you "had your H removed from the house," I was wondering HOW on earth you were able to do that. You were really lucky to be able to do that.

Congratulations (weird way to put it) on your year of freedom and moving forward.

It is a bit incredible how the military command includes some expectations for how you live and thankfully you used that framework! Congrats!

we complicate it by not having boundaries to begin with

MissFixit, Codejob,

It can be confusing for people not familiar with the military way of micro-managing every aspect of a persons life. It cuts both ways, but in this case I used it to my advantage. There were risks involved. He could have been demoted which would have lowered the amount of retirement both he and I would receive.

Sugarbear, you're absolutely right. We complicate it.

Great job, SK. I remember the day I left my second husband. It was sad and upsetting, but internally I felt calm and convinced I was doing the right thing. A few months later, I moved back across the country and went back to my old job and rebuilt my life. It was simpler for me than for a lot of people--the hardest part about the cross-country move was leaving my kiddos (who stayed back in the state where we were living, with their dad--my first husband). But first husband was EXTREMELY supportive and I knew he would cooperate so I could stay as connected to the kids as possible. I had no kids (thank God) with the second husband.

I have never, for one second, regretted leaving him. I was sad about the necessity, but it WAS necessary for my own mental health and well-being. And as far as I know, he is still drinking himself to death.

Awesome, Awesome, Awesome!!!

Congrats on your very empowering anniversary!!

Good for you! You are a strong lady. I still struggle with boundaries but stories like your's are an inspiration to me because I know that it is possible to implement them as I keep working on recovery for ME! HUGS!!

Woohoo! Good for you then and good for you now! I'm starting to learn through reading on here and through experience that setting and enforcing boundaries does get easier! And also, that it is not meant it be a punishment for THEM, but a demand for respect for ME! Awesome job.

Thanks guys.

You know, Lizatola, I don't know if it was so much that I was "strong" at that moment as much as "clear sighted". (Though I still kind of like being thought of as strong)

After years, and years, and years of the same repeated pattern I just didn't want to hop on that Crazy Train again with him. He had not been drinking for months, but that was his pattern. He could go long stretches without, and I would be lulled into a kind of fantasy world of my own thinking that everything was ok. Even though I knew he wasn't being proactive in terms of working a program of recovery.

The difference this time was that I had been working my own recovery. Even though he was theoretically dry I continued working on myself. It was like an investment, and the payoff was that day a year ago. That's why I'm always preaching "use the calm time to work on yourself." Because I've seen how I personally benefitted.

Full disclosure here: A day or so later, after he had sobered up, I screamed bloody murder at him over the phone. So it's not like I'm some sort of Zen Princess, no matter how much I'd like to pretend I am. :)

LOL, "Progress, not perfection." :)