my journal
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3
my journal
hi,
I"m about to embark into someone elses journey - and i wanted ot journal it along the way. feel free to leave words of encouragement and advice. i get the feeling i might need it.
as for me, i'm 33F, and i have a very holisitic and objective veiw about it all. but these two people (whom i will explain further) do not. that leaves me quite 'out of the loop' as far as being remembered to be thought about in all this.
generally, i'm ok with that. this is not about me. but i can see already, i can't do all this on my own. it's not my fight, but i'm along for the ride.
so i joined a couple of days ago. i've read a few threads, had a chat or two in the chatroom. and i have to say i LOVE that this space exists. it is full of support, and unconditional giving of time and energy.
i'm a sober person as far as definitions go. i've never been a big social drinker, i dont like drugs. i prefer my 'high' to come from meditation, and loving life. so this world is quite new to me, and from my objective and holisitic veiw point completely understandable how serious, and hard it can get.
my partner of 5 years lives with me and my kids. we decided to move his mum in with us a year ago, and she thought that would be a good idea too. she is 73. she has 50 years of abusive drinking under her belt, and doesn't beleive she has a problem, because it's not every day drinking and she can 'stop whenever she likes'. she has no issue with her drinking, regardless of her failing health, and the damage it does to her relationships. she would drink to excess every day if she could afford to do that.
My partner has very big issues around her drinking, given that he was brought up with a mother who was financially stable and drunk almost every day.
she can promise to give up, and does, but she can't stay stopped. my partner is at the end of his tolerance.
this is a journey, it involves people i love. it's not about me, but i'm apparently on board for the ride.
I"m about to embark into someone elses journey - and i wanted ot journal it along the way. feel free to leave words of encouragement and advice. i get the feeling i might need it.
as for me, i'm 33F, and i have a very holisitic and objective veiw about it all. but these two people (whom i will explain further) do not. that leaves me quite 'out of the loop' as far as being remembered to be thought about in all this.
generally, i'm ok with that. this is not about me. but i can see already, i can't do all this on my own. it's not my fight, but i'm along for the ride.
so i joined a couple of days ago. i've read a few threads, had a chat or two in the chatroom. and i have to say i LOVE that this space exists. it is full of support, and unconditional giving of time and energy.
i'm a sober person as far as definitions go. i've never been a big social drinker, i dont like drugs. i prefer my 'high' to come from meditation, and loving life. so this world is quite new to me, and from my objective and holisitic veiw point completely understandable how serious, and hard it can get.
my partner of 5 years lives with me and my kids. we decided to move his mum in with us a year ago, and she thought that would be a good idea too. she is 73. she has 50 years of abusive drinking under her belt, and doesn't beleive she has a problem, because it's not every day drinking and she can 'stop whenever she likes'. she has no issue with her drinking, regardless of her failing health, and the damage it does to her relationships. she would drink to excess every day if she could afford to do that.
My partner has very big issues around her drinking, given that he was brought up with a mother who was financially stable and drunk almost every day.
she can promise to give up, and does, but she can't stay stopped. my partner is at the end of his tolerance.
this is a journey, it involves people i love. it's not about me, but i'm apparently on board for the ride.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Having kids in this environment is not good for them at all. Having grown up in an alcoholic home, I know the hell that it is and just how screwed up these children become. This influence from your partner and his mother is not good for them, no matter what you call it. It's not a journey, adventure, or "teachable moment." It borders on abuse and is not healthy for them at all. Please protect them as much as possible. Getting the alcoholic out of the home or getting out of the alcoholic home yourselves is a better idea than dragging innocent children on a journey to hell that they never asked for. They should be your #1 priority, not your partner or his mother.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Oh my. Why oh why did you bring such a black cloud into your house?
Your partner is probably being triggered with ACOA issues?
The Problem - Adult Children of Alcoholics - World Service Organization, Inc.
Welcome unchained Zulu!
Your partner is probably being triggered with ACOA issues?
The Problem - Adult Children of Alcoholics - World Service Organization, Inc.
Welcome unchained Zulu!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Oh my. Why oh why did you bring such a black cloud into your house?
Your partner is probably being triggered with ACOA issues?
The Problem - Adult Children of Alcoholics - World Service Organization, Inc.
Welcome unchained Zulu!
Your partner is probably being triggered with ACOA issues?
The Problem - Adult Children of Alcoholics - World Service Organization, Inc.
Welcome unchained Zulu!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Originally Posted by Unchainedzulu 
as for me, i'm 33F, and i have a very holisitic and objective veiw about it all. but these two people (whom i will explain further) do not. that leaves me quite 'out of the loop' as far as being remembered to be thought about in all this.
generally, i'm ok with that. this is not about me.
Wow. This is kind of an interesting scenario. You're smack dab in the middle, yet somewhat emotionally removed.
Hmmmmm..... I don't buy it.
While reading your post I kept thinking about that dude in Alaska that really loved the bears, and then got mauled by them.
You've invited a bear to live in your house. That much is clear. What I'm not quite sure of is whether or not your partner is a bear as well. Not in terms of drinking, but in terms of his probable codependent relationship with his mother, and the negative effect that that will have on your family.
Are you or your partner in Alanon, or seeking any other sort of support for this situation?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3
I was looking forward to reading the responses to this post.
when i did - i felt quite miffed, and amazed. judged and completely misunderstood.
i get it. truly, i do. but this forum is not the place for me.
i will not be continuing this thread, or sharing more of my story here.
when i did - i felt quite miffed, and amazed. judged and completely misunderstood.
i get it. truly, i do. but this forum is not the place for me.
i will not be continuing this thread, or sharing more of my story here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
I do not read any judgement in the words of the above posters.
What I read states, we are concerned for you and your children, your health and well being may be at risk.
May I ask you a question? How much do you really know about addiction?
This forum is not all rainbows and unicorns, but i promise you will receive factual and accurate information about addiction, and alcoholism. Alcoholism is an ugly,ugly disease, and if allowed, will consume the whole family. There simply is no way to sugarcoat this horrible disease.
Hope you stick around, and take advantage of the support you can receive here.
When I first came here , there were times I got a bee in my bonnet ( so to speak) the other posters did not know me or my situation, I obviously had unique circumstances, and therefore they did not know what they were talking about, three years later I am still here, and proud to say , the folks who take the time out of their lives to offer support are spot on
just because i did not want to hear the truth, didn't mean , i did not deserve to hear the truth.
Education is your best defense in this circumstance.
What I read states, we are concerned for you and your children, your health and well being may be at risk.
May I ask you a question? How much do you really know about addiction?
This forum is not all rainbows and unicorns, but i promise you will receive factual and accurate information about addiction, and alcoholism. Alcoholism is an ugly,ugly disease, and if allowed, will consume the whole family. There simply is no way to sugarcoat this horrible disease.
Hope you stick around, and take advantage of the support you can receive here.
When I first came here , there were times I got a bee in my bonnet ( so to speak) the other posters did not know me or my situation, I obviously had unique circumstances, and therefore they did not know what they were talking about, three years later I am still here, and proud to say , the folks who take the time out of their lives to offer support are spot on
just because i did not want to hear the truth, didn't mean , i did not deserve to hear the truth.
Education is your best defense in this circumstance.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Perhaps you are making judgments of your own against those that responded to your post?
The advice given on this forum can definitely be difficult to read but almost ALWAYS comes from a place of love & concern. Members here are at all stages of recovery & non-recovery as addicts and codependents.
I can see that you only just registered here - did you take the time to read any of the Stickey'd info/threads at the top of this page? Do you know much about alcoholism or addiction?
Misunderstandings happen all the time & your OP contains only a few short paragraphs. Walking away in a huff without attempting to clarify your situation is kind of rash, isn't it?
If you're looking for real life advice based around shared experiences by people that are living & have lived in similar situations, this is the place for you. If you're looking for a bunch of head-nodders that are going to simply go along seeing red flags & never point them out, then maybe this forum isn't the best fit.
ETA - ooops, I posted at the same time as Marie, saying basically the same thing, SORRY! lol!
The advice given on this forum can definitely be difficult to read but almost ALWAYS comes from a place of love & concern. Members here are at all stages of recovery & non-recovery as addicts and codependents.
I can see that you only just registered here - did you take the time to read any of the Stickey'd info/threads at the top of this page? Do you know much about alcoholism or addiction?
Misunderstandings happen all the time & your OP contains only a few short paragraphs. Walking away in a huff without attempting to clarify your situation is kind of rash, isn't it?
If you're looking for real life advice based around shared experiences by people that are living & have lived in similar situations, this is the place for you. If you're looking for a bunch of head-nodders that are going to simply go along seeing red flags & never point them out, then maybe this forum isn't the best fit.
ETA - ooops, I posted at the same time as Marie, saying basically the same thing, SORRY! lol!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: uk.
Posts: 106
Hi there.I joined this forum only a couple of months ago(seems like longer-in a good way!) When I came here I was unable to find a way out of the mess and distress that had taken over my life with my alcoholic partner.
It's not all "fixed" and sorted and neither am I-but for the first time,in a long time,I feel clearer about my situation and my choices.
There's no shame in coming back and saying "hey ,that wasn't what I wanted to hear,you're not understanding me".
Then maybe give people a chance to? Everyones situation is different,but the feelings I find are very similar.You came here for a reason,not by accident and I hope you come back and talk some more to the amazing people who are on this forum.
It's not all "fixed" and sorted and neither am I-but for the first time,in a long time,I feel clearer about my situation and my choices.
There's no shame in coming back and saying "hey ,that wasn't what I wanted to hear,you're not understanding me".
Then maybe give people a chance to? Everyones situation is different,but the feelings I find are very similar.You came here for a reason,not by accident and I hope you come back and talk some more to the amazing people who are on this forum.
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