lizatola

I know that this will pass, it always does. I, for some reason, have this ability to see the light at some point and gain some hope for my future despite how I see things today.

My mom and her husband fly home today after being here for a week and then my AH comes back tomorrow. He's going to want my response to his 'proposal'. I'm not telling him that I'm going to a lawyer yet. He's a volatile person and we still live in the same house with him. Most likely, I will just see the lawyer and decide to file and then have him served.

I have a lot weighing on my mind right now: coming up with a budget, buying a new car to replace my car BEFORE I file, managing the day to day life that we all have to manage, making sure my son stays on track with school work even though I'm distracted, etc. Getting a resume together, finding work in the future, and trying to shove AH's voice out of my head when I hear him say things that are the crazies talking. It's so hard to not buy into all the stuff they throw at you and it's hard to keep a good head on your shoulders when you wonder just how far they will go to follow through on their threats. Just how capable is he of making my life super miserable, instead of just getting this over with when it comes to the divorce?

I future trip about how this divorce is going to go down. The only thing I have that gives me hope that it can end quickly is the fact that AH loves his money and hates spending it so maybe he'll be willing to compromise and concede on certain things just to save himself a few bucks? I have no idea, but I wake up every AM at 5 and I just start thinking about how this is going to go down, LOL!

Florence

Liz, this isn't forever. This is temporary. Everything is temporary. You can do this thing for awhile by putting one foot in front of the other and keeping the bigger picture in mind.

Hugs.

SparkleKitty

Hang in there, Liz. You've come so far. Florence is absolutely right. This will pass. ((((Liz))))

FireSprite

Baby steps Liz, keep focused on the next right thing & you can't go wrong. (((((((HUGS))))))

hopeful4

Don't future trip Liz. Just take it a step at a time, and breathe. Hugs!!!!

amy55

Liz, just know that all of his threats are just threats. He is not God or a judge, and neither was my ex.

I think you made a very good plan. You know how to be frugal. You may need that, you may not, but you are prepared.

I agree with you on don't say anything right now. You said he can get volatile. He very well may do that. It seems that he is trying all of this manipulation because of the lifestyle you are living now, and in his mind he can't believe that you will give that up. He might feel that he is one-up on you right now, but you know differently. In other words Liz, you are holding the cards, not him.

(((((((hugs)))))))
amy

lizatola

In my head, I know this. I struggle with guilt and fear and frustration right now. I just finished getting the pool remodeled so that it will sell quicker in the winter/spring and I have small projects planned around the house so that I can spruce it up. The next step is finding a car and getting rid of my gas guzzling luxury SUV. Now that my family is gone I have to focus on that.

I feel like the insanity of alcoholism is constantly nipping at my heels after each step that I take moving forward. Like it's constantly trying to make itself be known to me and I have to work very hard to ignore it and keep looking forward.

Sigh....it's going to be an interesting 2015!

amy55

Liz,

I know that my marriage dragged on and on. A lot longer then I wanted it to, but not long enough for things to be better. I kept hoping and wishing. I think at the end of it there were too many threats for either of us to go back.

I remember at the time thinking, I tried everything, right? I did what I could do, right?

Liz, I want to tell you I know how hard you worked on this. I know when I was going through this I felt like I was being discarded and thrown away. I went so low with my boundaries, they consisted of just treat me like I exist, like I am a human being, he couldn't even do that.

It was a long road for you, but in case no one told you today, I will, I THINK YOU ARE A TERRIFIC PERSON. YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER, AND YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SOUL.

I care a great deal about you.

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
keep moving forward, we'll be here for you

amy

lizatola

Aww, thanks so very much, Amy! I truly appreciate the kindness and loving words, brought happy tears to my eyes. It's hard living out here with no family, so dropping my mom off at the airport was tough today.

I know that tomorrow will be better. I'm just overwhelmed with my HUGE to do list and the fact that AH will be back tomorrow adds to my stress.

Thanks to everyone here who are always willing to wrap a virtual hug around all of us as we muddle through this mess!

Brindie

I think it may have been you who once posted to me 'this too shall pass', it proved true. Warm hugs xx

Sungrl

Liz, from what you have told us of this man ( I use the term loosely) you will be so much happier.

I know this is not the man you married and I understand the love you have (had) for him, but sometimes reality smacks us in the face and we have to
to let go or be dragged.

You have a wonderful future ahead of you with your beautiful Son.
It may not be the one you thought you were going to have but....
please make the most of the one you get!

Rosiepetal

You will drive yourself nuts trying to predict what will or will not happen.
Just try to focus on the now & take one day at a time, it's a lot more manageable.
Hugs.

lizatola

Yeah, don't I know it, LOL! I've been making the gym a regular part of my routine these days just so I can work off my frustrations and agitation. Journaling, prayer, talking with friends, and staying as busy as possible still isn't working.

AH comes home today after being gone for 9 days. I did not miss him, I did not wonder EVER what he was or wasn't doing.....I don't think about him at all except to future trip about how he can and will try to manipulate this divorce.

There are days that I wish I was one of those people here on the boards who still loved their alcoholic and then there are days where I realize that my path is different and that a major boundary for me is that I just can't live with an alcoholic anymore. The love is gone and I doubt I'll ever get it back.