Judge Thinks Maybe his Alcoholism is Cured and I am Causing Trouble over Nothing
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng 
This is a new judge. I think she hates me.
I'm not seeing the malevolent intent you ascribe to this judge in asking for an objective considered opinion before making a decision that will affect the lives of four children. Also not sure why you seem to assume that his lawyer and the judge share a brain. I do agree that it's aggravating and stressful. Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Early start today.
The thing that I am asking myself right now is if I have exaggerated things. The children don't want me to always make a big deal about the troubles they encounter with their father. Because then they have to deal with him, the doctors, judge, etc. xah does these things that are stupid, thoughtless, negligent, sometimes abusive. But he doesn't leave much of a tangible trace.
Do I have issues that lead me to react more than I should? Or do I have issues that led me to ignore the abuse and addiction for too long?
Any way you frame it, my children and I are worn out from all the effort, difficulty, change in our lives. Our income dropped so substantially, I am less available to the children because I am always working or cleaning, and it seems we are on a long, hard road.
They ask themselves who is right. Am I over protective? Dad makes it seem as though Mom causes a fuss over nothing. They don't want a big fuss. They just want things to go back to how they were. With two parents to pay attention to them, a big house, parties and money for what they need and their activities and clothes and such.
It seems that by trying to protect the children I have made things worse.
I know that I am trying to do the right thing. But I do react so strongly to xah. I find him repulsive, I really do. I can't forget what he did to me and I can't stand how he tries to force us into poverty while $70,000 of his bonus money and stocks went missing last spring.
Maybe it is good that a pychiatrist will intervene. But what if they decide that I am at fault for having stressed out children? What if they decide that I am in the wrong?
Thank you for standing by me.
I am wanting to get off this roller coaster so badly. I am so sad for my children and their suffering. They feel my anguish whether I say nothing or if I cry. We are very close and live in a tiny apartment together. I swam last night with my friends and they love me. I have so many good friends watching out for me. But I feel like I have failed because our situation continues to deteriorate.
Ultimately, xah is still holding lots of power and I can't stop him from doing hurtful things. And when he is cruel to us, the children and I feel one another's pain. I feel worse because they are suffering. And they suffer because I do.
The thing that I am asking myself right now is if I have exaggerated things. The children don't want me to always make a big deal about the troubles they encounter with their father. Because then they have to deal with him, the doctors, judge, etc. xah does these things that are stupid, thoughtless, negligent, sometimes abusive. But he doesn't leave much of a tangible trace.
Do I have issues that lead me to react more than I should? Or do I have issues that led me to ignore the abuse and addiction for too long?
Any way you frame it, my children and I are worn out from all the effort, difficulty, change in our lives. Our income dropped so substantially, I am less available to the children because I am always working or cleaning, and it seems we are on a long, hard road.
They ask themselves who is right. Am I over protective? Dad makes it seem as though Mom causes a fuss over nothing. They don't want a big fuss. They just want things to go back to how they were. With two parents to pay attention to them, a big house, parties and money for what they need and their activities and clothes and such.
It seems that by trying to protect the children I have made things worse.
I know that I am trying to do the right thing. But I do react so strongly to xah. I find him repulsive, I really do. I can't forget what he did to me and I can't stand how he tries to force us into poverty while $70,000 of his bonus money and stocks went missing last spring.
Maybe it is good that a pychiatrist will intervene. But what if they decide that I am at fault for having stressed out children? What if they decide that I am in the wrong?
Thank you for standing by me.
I am wanting to get off this roller coaster so badly. I am so sad for my children and their suffering. They feel my anguish whether I say nothing or if I cry. We are very close and live in a tiny apartment together. I swam last night with my friends and they love me. I have so many good friends watching out for me. But I feel like I have failed because our situation continues to deteriorate.
Ultimately, xah is still holding lots of power and I can't stop him from doing hurtful things. And when he is cruel to us, the children and I feel one another's pain. I feel worse because they are suffering. And they suffer because I do.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 278
Pippi - look after yourself, and put all this **** on the back burner. If this guy continues to tell lies, and you can keep centred and dignified, it won't be long before his case starts to unravel.
A friend of mine was being accused in the divorce court of having a drink problem and being violent and abusive in public. Her divorcing husband is a well-respected surgeon with great standing in the (small) community, and he was giving details about her apparently 'kicking off' in public - with times and dates. These were total fabrications, and his case started to fall apart when he swore blind that she'd been misbehaving in a bar; her attorney asked him if he was absolutely sure about the time and date. He was. Then her attorney pointed out that she couldn't possibly have been doing as described at that time - because he'd received an email from her during a period when she was supposed to have been nowhere near a computer!
It was after that the court started treating her with respect. His case started to unravel as they questioned all his allegations.
To the OP - I don't know if you're in Alanon, but this is a case of 'One day at a time' and don't project into the future. At the moment you are getting really stressed about something which may never happen - but it is making the here and now much more difficult for you. If the worst comes to the worst, you will deal with it. You are a strong lady and you'll deal with it.
Just for today, though, deal with the things you need to deal with today - and, as far as you can, when you feel the terrors descending on you - substitute that with some kind of positive action whether it's self-nurturing or creating a nicer environment for all of you. In other words 'Courage to change the things I can'.
Being in a battle with an ex-spouse is frightening and blindsiding. There are times when it feels as though the ground you stand on is being pulled away from under you. You haven't failed because things continue to deteriorate - that's beyond your control. For now. You have succeeded in the first steps of a new life for yourself and your children and it will be rocky at first.
Let yourself know that things cannot possibly stay like this. They just can't, but the future's unpredictable. But staying with an abusive alcoholic is pretty predictable in the sense that the only way is down.
You can't stop him doing hurtful things, this is true. For now. But you can look at the options available to you to lessen the impact of the blows.
(((HUGS)))
A friend of mine was being accused in the divorce court of having a drink problem and being violent and abusive in public. Her divorcing husband is a well-respected surgeon with great standing in the (small) community, and he was giving details about her apparently 'kicking off' in public - with times and dates. These were total fabrications, and his case started to fall apart when he swore blind that she'd been misbehaving in a bar; her attorney asked him if he was absolutely sure about the time and date. He was. Then her attorney pointed out that she couldn't possibly have been doing as described at that time - because he'd received an email from her during a period when she was supposed to have been nowhere near a computer!
It was after that the court started treating her with respect. His case started to unravel as they questioned all his allegations.
To the OP - I don't know if you're in Alanon, but this is a case of 'One day at a time' and don't project into the future. At the moment you are getting really stressed about something which may never happen - but it is making the here and now much more difficult for you. If the worst comes to the worst, you will deal with it. You are a strong lady and you'll deal with it.
Just for today, though, deal with the things you need to deal with today - and, as far as you can, when you feel the terrors descending on you - substitute that with some kind of positive action whether it's self-nurturing or creating a nicer environment for all of you. In other words 'Courage to change the things I can'.
Being in a battle with an ex-spouse is frightening and blindsiding. There are times when it feels as though the ground you stand on is being pulled away from under you. You haven't failed because things continue to deteriorate - that's beyond your control. For now. You have succeeded in the first steps of a new life for yourself and your children and it will be rocky at first.
Let yourself know that things cannot possibly stay like this. They just can't, but the future's unpredictable. But staying with an abusive alcoholic is pretty predictable in the sense that the only way is down.
You can't stop him doing hurtful things, this is true. For now. But you can look at the options available to you to lessen the impact of the blows.
(((HUGS)))
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I don't think it was intentional in the creation of our legal system, but part of this issue is legal strategy to break you down financially, emotionally, a physically to the point that I have seen you at times - ready to toss in the towel. You must stay the course. In truth your husband is a sh!t for many things, but mostly because he has chosen to strangle you financially with disregard to how it affects his children.
You were married to this man for 18 years and I think in his mind you deserve nothing. We don't know all the details of the settlements he has procured but from what I do know they are in favor to himself. While you may have been over sensitive to some of the things he has done - no one is perfect - this divorce has taken as long as it has because he has refused to be fair, even close to fair, in settlement. The hiding of monies,allowing your property to deteriorate, joining airBNB and allowing strangers to stay in the house (at the same time the children were there) and insistence that YOU stay on the mortgage for 5 years I mean its simply ridiculous.
"In trying to protect the children I have made things worse" I don't think so. Your husband has made things worse by refusing to mitigate this case so all can go on to their new normal.
Read Shootingstar1 thread regarding her divorce and what she went through, the ridiculous settlement offers and manipulations. It will end, don't give up.
You were married to this man for 18 years and I think in his mind you deserve nothing. We don't know all the details of the settlements he has procured but from what I do know they are in favor to himself. While you may have been over sensitive to some of the things he has done - no one is perfect - this divorce has taken as long as it has because he has refused to be fair, even close to fair, in settlement. The hiding of monies,allowing your property to deteriorate, joining airBNB and allowing strangers to stay in the house (at the same time the children were there) and insistence that YOU stay on the mortgage for 5 years I mean its simply ridiculous.
"In trying to protect the children I have made things worse" I don't think so. Your husband has made things worse by refusing to mitigate this case so all can go on to their new normal.
Read Shootingstar1 thread regarding her divorce and what she went through, the ridiculous settlement offers and manipulations. It will end, don't give up.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng
Early start today.
The thing that I am asking myself right now is if I have exaggerated things. The children don't want me to always make a big deal about the troubles they encounter with their father. Because then they have to deal with him, the doctors, judge, etc. xah does these things that are stupid, thoughtless, negligent, sometimes abusive. But he doesn't leave much of a tangible trace.
Do I have issues that lead me to react more than I should? Or do I have issues that led me to ignore the abuse and addiction for too long?
Any way you frame it, my children and I are worn out from all the effort, difficulty, change in our lives. Our income dropped so substantially, I am less available to the children because I am always working or cleaning, and it seems we are on a long, hard road.
They ask themselves who is right. Am I over protective? Dad makes it seem as though Mom causes a fuss over nothing. They don't want a big fuss. They just want things to go back to how they were. With two parents to pay attention to them, a big house, parties and money for what they need and their activities and clothes and such.
It seems that by trying to protect the children I have made things worse.
I know that I am trying to do the right thing. But I do react so strongly to xah. I find him repulsive, I really do. I can't forget what he did to me and I can't stand how he tries to force us into poverty while $70,000 of his bonus money and stocks went missing last spring.
Maybe it is good that a pychiatrist will intervene. But what if they decide that I am at fault for having stressed out children? What if they decide that I am in the wrong?
Thank you for standing by me.
I am wanting to get off this roller coaster so badly. I am so sad for my children and their suffering. They feel my anguish whether I say nothing or if I cry. We are very close and live in a tiny apartment together. I swam last night with my friends and they love me. I have so many good friends watching out for me. But I feel like I have failed because our situation continues to deteriorate.
Ultimately, xah is still holding lots of power and I can't stop him from doing hurtful things. And when he is cruel to us, the children and I feel one another's pain. I feel worse because they are suffering. And they suffer because I do.
The thing that I am asking myself right now is if I have exaggerated things. The children don't want me to always make a big deal about the troubles they encounter with their father. Because then they have to deal with him, the doctors, judge, etc. xah does these things that are stupid, thoughtless, negligent, sometimes abusive. But he doesn't leave much of a tangible trace.
Do I have issues that lead me to react more than I should? Or do I have issues that led me to ignore the abuse and addiction for too long?
Any way you frame it, my children and I are worn out from all the effort, difficulty, change in our lives. Our income dropped so substantially, I am less available to the children because I am always working or cleaning, and it seems we are on a long, hard road.
They ask themselves who is right. Am I over protective? Dad makes it seem as though Mom causes a fuss over nothing. They don't want a big fuss. They just want things to go back to how they were. With two parents to pay attention to them, a big house, parties and money for what they need and their activities and clothes and such.
It seems that by trying to protect the children I have made things worse.
I know that I am trying to do the right thing. But I do react so strongly to xah. I find him repulsive, I really do. I can't forget what he did to me and I can't stand how he tries to force us into poverty while $70,000 of his bonus money and stocks went missing last spring.
Maybe it is good that a pychiatrist will intervene. But what if they decide that I am at fault for having stressed out children? What if they decide that I am in the wrong?
Thank you for standing by me.
I am wanting to get off this roller coaster so badly. I am so sad for my children and their suffering. They feel my anguish whether I say nothing or if I cry. We are very close and live in a tiny apartment together. I swam last night with my friends and they love me. I have so many good friends watching out for me. But I feel like I have failed because our situation continues to deteriorate.
Ultimately, xah is still holding lots of power and I can't stop him from doing hurtful things. And when he is cruel to us, the children and I feel one another's pain. I feel worse because they are suffering. And they suffer because I do.
i had to learn that the court process was not about me trying to show the courts how bad a person my ex wife was or how bad a wife she was to me. the court process is only there to try to help 2 people who will each have there own version of events and who will feel like the other is to blame for it all come to some sort of agreement
my ex wife blew it all in court when she turned up drunk and started kicking off at the childs officer that was very much on her side of things trying to get her a better deal in terms of contact
the courts are very pro female and it takes cases of exceptional issues that will even consdier a dad to be a better option to be the main carer than a women
like i said my ex blew it in court when she cried and shouted at everyone as she was drunk and laying it on thick
the childs officer who had delt with me many times over the case and never believed me said to me how sorry he was as that in all the times he had seen her she came over as a caring mother etc
i didnt have to do anything and i wasnt doing anything anyway in terms of contact by way of opposing things
i gave her every chance as it wasnt about her it was about the love my kids had for her that mattered
i had to hide all the dirty deeds from my kids as i would be brainwashing them and putting all that sort of thing on there shoulders and they dont need that
my kids had to come to see it all for themselves over the many many times she let them down
they get fed up of it in the end there not daft, kids know who loves them just by our own actions
if i had put all the blocks in places to try to stop her from seeing them then in the end one day the kids would blame me for not letting them see there mum
when one of my sons was 14 he was going around to see his mum whenever he wanted to as i had no court orders in place over contact
now she would let him smoke there and drink there and to a 14 year old that is heaven and cool
then he has to live with me who will not let him drink or smoke, he started to get all stroppy with me and blaming me that none of the other kids see his mum anymore because of me
he was slowly turning against me and yet i had no contact court orders i had left it open for all the kids i left it down to them
anyway one day he decided he wanted to go and live with his mum
i was so hurt and worried that he will throw his life away and drink and do nothing with his life
i could of gone to court and forced things to make him stay at home
but how much would it of really worked ? he would just keep on walking out and seeing her, anyway he wouldnt take any notice of a court order telling him he couldnt see him mum
so i had to let him go and just be there for him if and when he came home again but in my heart i never thought he would come back again
i knew exactly how there mum had turned his thinking around and manipulated him, she couldnt do it with the other kids as they were not as soft as him in terms of how gentle a lad he is with his heart
anyway about 3 months later tony came back home to me with his heart broken
her went to live with her hoping he could help her and get her to change but on the last day he was there she got drunk and attacked him in the street because of an argument a neighbor broke it up and of course it broke his heart
so he came back to me so again she blew it all again and i never had to do anything to control it
as for getting any sort of money for my kids from her lol what on earth is that ? she never paid a single penny for my kids in all the years i cared for them
she never worked she had another drunk male living with her that was keeping her so my kids have no idea what its like to have a parent pay for them or provide for them other than me as i had to work and care for my kids to pay our way
so well done for looking at yourself over this and i know how hard it is to do hence i have just recounted a few things i have had to just let happen in order for things to come good
i have tried always to get my kids to see there mum despite her drink problem but the kids themselves decide not me
one last point is try to think futher ahead than the court case, try to think of how the kids will be when they get older will they hate you ? will they hate there dad ? will they hate the both of you ? or will they just love the both of you in the years ahead as they can see 2 people not going to war but trying to make sure the kids have both of them around them
there is no point thinking well in years to come i will force the dad to pay out for councilors for it all that is no answer at all
not when if done in the right manner the impact on the kids of parents spiting up can be dealt with in a grown up way
end of speech.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Desy, as long as Pippi understands where I am coming from, that is all that really matters to me. This man has been very abusive to her in the past and is unsafe for her children.
Pippi, I don't think for a second you have overreacted. I believe you are an advocate for your children. That is because you love them 100%. Don't stop just b/c their father is making you second guess yourself.
Tight hugs XXX
Pippi, I don't think for a second you have overreacted. I believe you are an advocate for your children. That is because you love them 100%. Don't stop just b/c their father is making you second guess yourself.
Tight hugs XXX
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Pippi, thinking through our own part in handling our marriages and our divorces can be extremely helpful IF we use that insight to guide us toward more constructive behavior and toward the creation of the life we want going forward for ourselves and our children.
IF you use that to beat yourself up, it isn't so helpful and it can hinder us from changing in a way that will be better for all. For me, acknowledging what I had done to cause some of the dysfunction in my marriage has been the pivot point for moving ahead in healthier ways.
It doesn't negate ANY of the outrageous, destructive things that my now ex-husband did. He did them, he was awful during the divorce, and he did that on purpose to try to convince me I couldn't survive without him.
What I learned, and am still learning, is that I don't need him as the center of my frame of reference. I can think through what opportunities, challenges, what the situation is in front of me now, just for myself without relating it to him at all.
I hit an emotional bump in the road, now, two and a half years after I left him, when he told me recently that he is remarrying and marrying a wealthy woman. Even the values of the cars he got in the divorce - a convertible that is now antique, and a nifty limited edition sportscar - have doubled in value while my car is a 2000 Toyota that I will need to replace soon. I was just bummed out.
Not that I wanted him back, though I wanted back the trappings of my former life and the financial ease I had then. And it galled me that another woman is now living in the house that I did three renovations on and made exactly how I wanted it. And it made me long for the good times we had in that house, which were many. I felt left out and abandoned.
But the truth is that I left him because he was unbearable, and I refused to go back many times, and he has, as he should, moved on down his own path and I down mine. And that has consequences. And I invited those consequences when I left him, and now I have to live with them.
What I think is helpful is to put aside all of the negative emotions about your situation and look at it with a cold hard eye to the practicality of what resources you have to use and harness into a good healthy life for you and your kids. Now. With no relationship to what you all used to have.
What I hear you say is that your children want and need to move on into some emotionally stable life where there is comfort in the routine and knowing that they have at least one parent to love and support them unconditionally.
So the question, then, is "What do you have to do with the resources you now have to create that for and with them?" You might have a series of discussions with your kids about what that means to each of them, with the facts of your situation right now as the baseline.
And that is a question that will be answered more positively by gaining insight about how you were and are part of the dysfunctional life of this circus of a divorce. I tried to control my husband's behavior and his alcoholism. I felt responsibility for his behavior and his health, and I took over and made myself accountable for them FOR him. And he did not want me to. He wanted to make his own choices and because I thought he was making bad choices, I felt entitled to try to change his choices.
And I was wrong. Profoundly wrong. He has the right to live as he wants. I should have been looking at what I needed to do to live an independent whole life on my own and not sticking my nose in his business. If I had, I would have left 10 or 15 years earlier than when I did, and the devastation to both of us might not have been as severe.
Everyone's story is different, and the more insight you have into your story, your behavior, what results you own because of the choices you made, the better your future can be.
Shakespeare wrote "True compassion is ruthless", and that is one of the most profound lessons for me. I am not going to get my house back. I am not going to get the good times back again with my former husband. If I have financial ease in the future, it will be because I choose to work to create it for myself. I am going to be alone for the forseeable future.
Those were bitter pills for me, and still at times, are.
But every time I get further in acknowleding those lessons, I get freed to create what I want for my life in the future.
Your children will not have the life that was projected for them when you and your husband were still married. That is not necessarily good or bad. It just is. They are not entitled to that life. That era is gone. Their expectations need to change to reflect the new reality, and that is a job for you as their mother to help them make that emotional and factual transition.
It just is. To get to college, they may have to earn scholarships and work. Lots of people do that. This is the time to help them develop the perspective and the resources to make their way in the world. In the world AS IT IS RIGHT NOW. They will surprise you and rise to the challenge when you show them that they can create a healthy happy life.
This is said with great compassion - take what you want and leave the rest.
ShootingStar1
IF you use that to beat yourself up, it isn't so helpful and it can hinder us from changing in a way that will be better for all. For me, acknowledging what I had done to cause some of the dysfunction in my marriage has been the pivot point for moving ahead in healthier ways.
It doesn't negate ANY of the outrageous, destructive things that my now ex-husband did. He did them, he was awful during the divorce, and he did that on purpose to try to convince me I couldn't survive without him.
What I learned, and am still learning, is that I don't need him as the center of my frame of reference. I can think through what opportunities, challenges, what the situation is in front of me now, just for myself without relating it to him at all.
I hit an emotional bump in the road, now, two and a half years after I left him, when he told me recently that he is remarrying and marrying a wealthy woman. Even the values of the cars he got in the divorce - a convertible that is now antique, and a nifty limited edition sportscar - have doubled in value while my car is a 2000 Toyota that I will need to replace soon. I was just bummed out.
Not that I wanted him back, though I wanted back the trappings of my former life and the financial ease I had then. And it galled me that another woman is now living in the house that I did three renovations on and made exactly how I wanted it. And it made me long for the good times we had in that house, which were many. I felt left out and abandoned.
But the truth is that I left him because he was unbearable, and I refused to go back many times, and he has, as he should, moved on down his own path and I down mine. And that has consequences. And I invited those consequences when I left him, and now I have to live with them.
What I think is helpful is to put aside all of the negative emotions about your situation and look at it with a cold hard eye to the practicality of what resources you have to use and harness into a good healthy life for you and your kids. Now. With no relationship to what you all used to have.
What I hear you say is that your children want and need to move on into some emotionally stable life where there is comfort in the routine and knowing that they have at least one parent to love and support them unconditionally.
So the question, then, is "What do you have to do with the resources you now have to create that for and with them?" You might have a series of discussions with your kids about what that means to each of them, with the facts of your situation right now as the baseline.
And that is a question that will be answered more positively by gaining insight about how you were and are part of the dysfunctional life of this circus of a divorce. I tried to control my husband's behavior and his alcoholism. I felt responsibility for his behavior and his health, and I took over and made myself accountable for them FOR him. And he did not want me to. He wanted to make his own choices and because I thought he was making bad choices, I felt entitled to try to change his choices.
And I was wrong. Profoundly wrong. He has the right to live as he wants. I should have been looking at what I needed to do to live an independent whole life on my own and not sticking my nose in his business. If I had, I would have left 10 or 15 years earlier than when I did, and the devastation to both of us might not have been as severe.
Everyone's story is different, and the more insight you have into your story, your behavior, what results you own because of the choices you made, the better your future can be.
Shakespeare wrote "True compassion is ruthless", and that is one of the most profound lessons for me. I am not going to get my house back. I am not going to get the good times back again with my former husband. If I have financial ease in the future, it will be because I choose to work to create it for myself. I am going to be alone for the forseeable future.
Those were bitter pills for me, and still at times, are.
But every time I get further in acknowleding those lessons, I get freed to create what I want for my life in the future.
Your children will not have the life that was projected for them when you and your husband were still married. That is not necessarily good or bad. It just is. They are not entitled to that life. That era is gone. Their expectations need to change to reflect the new reality, and that is a job for you as their mother to help them make that emotional and factual transition.
It just is. To get to college, they may have to earn scholarships and work. Lots of people do that. This is the time to help them develop the perspective and the resources to make their way in the world. In the world AS IT IS RIGHT NOW. They will surprise you and rise to the challenge when you show them that they can create a healthy happy life.
This is said with great compassion - take what you want and leave the rest.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
The children don't want me to always make a big deal about the troubles they encounter with their father. Because then they have to deal with him, the doctors, judge, etc.
Their new calm life was something they didn't trust. They constantly worried about the other shoe dropping. During this time, when they were with AXH, he would beat them, pull their hair, and two therapists suspect that he also sexually abused one of the kids. They did not say a word. Why? Because it felt easier for them to put up with the abuse than the "bad things" they imagined would happen if they talked.
Who knows what he told them would happen? Who knows if he told them anything. It might just have been that they were exhausted by all the trauma and drama. Either way, it wasn't until he dropped out of their lives and they got a court to affirm their right to not have to see him again that they settled down and worked up the guts to start talking about the abuse.
I wish courts were set up in a way that understood the mental and emotional aspect of abuse better. That it might take years for people -- especially children -- to feel safe enough to start talking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 128
Pippi, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I had a friend who went through an ugly custody battle and the ex had everyone believing he was a saint and that my friend was a psycho woman out for revenge. The Judge ordered evaluations of all involved including the children and watching how the children interacted with each parent as well and long story short, my friend ended up with sole custody. I can't say it happened overnight. It was a long process but in the end the counselor was able to see him as he really was. There is hope and perhaps if you can look at this as a good thing (know that's hard to do at the moment), you'll feel better. Sending you lots of positive thoughts.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by Eauchiche
The possibility exists that your AH's attorney and the judge are drinking buddies... Just sayin'
Although I'm new around here, it looks like you have slogged a long, hard battle and the addition of an impartial observer/3rd party may very well be a fantastic thing. Try to look at it that way. I know you feel defeated and worn down...
But have faith that the pain, abuse and injustice is behind you...let go. Put your faith in much happier, sunnier and just horizons. You are coming out of the dark...remember that.
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