Marriage Counseling Update
 

Dandylion, this is for you especially. :)

It's not really a marriage counseling update, I suppose, because we haven't gone to a joint session together since our first one. AH went alone, and then the therapist was out of town for a week, and then I went alone this week.

After his solo session, my AH really only said that the therapist had asked us to give him three months and not discuss divorce during that three months. I neither agreed to do that, nor met him with a resounding "hell no!"

This week when I went, the very first words out of my mouth were that there is absolutely no hope that our marriage can be saved while my AH is still drinking. And the therapist, bless him, whole-heartedly agreed with me. Then I said that I do not believe my AH is ready to quit drinking, and the therapist once again whole-heartedly agreed with me. I told the therapist that I am continuing with my preparations to leave, and that I am prepared to leave at any point, even during this "three month" time period. Then it became clear that this three-month time period is what the therapist told my AH he wanted my AH to give him to counsel him on the alcoholism (the therapist is also a certified drug and alcohol counselor).

The therapist was very validating of the absolute hell I have been through, which felt good. He also said that our next session (which is a joint session), will be almost exclusively, if not exclusively, focused on my AH's drinking. When I expressed concern about a session focused solely on that (concern only that my AH will flip out when his problem is singled out and begin verbally abusing me), the counselor just looked at me and said "Wisconsin, I am trained to do this."

So...one day at a time, as always. More will be revealed. I continue on my path of preparing to leave.

while i'm not a fan of marriage counseling per se, your post really helped me see how valuable it can be for the individual in a conflicted troubled marriage. i'm glad you felt validated and that somebody else sees the Elephant in the Living Room too!

I am guessing that the next session will be more about him drinking and between them with you present. That's fine. I am sure it will pi$$ him off, or it did my XAH. However, it's still good to be validated.

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs.

Wisconsin.....thanks for this update! I am so glad that you were in the hands of someone who is experienced in dealing with alcoholism.
You certainly seem very focused and resolute in your goal....

You will get there!

dandylion

Hugs! I know this is hard, but it sounds like you have a decent therapist who understands alcoholism and what you are going through, to some degree. One day at a time, indeed.

I bet you just wanted to sit back in the chair and have a hallelujah chorus start up!

:c011:

I like this. Sounds like you've got a good one. When is the joint session?

That actually sounds very good! And I knew when you told us what your husband said about three months that it wasn't right. I kept thinking "I hope she asked the therapist if that was what he had actually said."

I'm glad you're doing this. I've always thought counseling with an active alcoholic is a waste of money, but it sounds like this is giving you verification that you're on the right track. :)

Thanks, everyone. And for sure, if this was coming out of my pocket, I would be very reluctant to do it given how hard I am working to save money to leave. But, the entire cost is covered by my insurance (gotta love the benefits that come with working a government job).

We have a joint appointment tonight at 8:00, but the babysitter has cancelled. Unless I can find someone last minute (which is hard to do that late on a school night), we will be going a week from today.

I really appreciate all of your thoughtful responses. I'm glad that I'm going...for me (and for my kids). Whatever my AH does with it is his business.

Wisconsin....I know it sucks when you are scratching around, and, trying to find a babysitter! I hope you luck out before tonight. It is harder to keep the "momentum" going when you have to miss appointments.

Good Luck,
dandylion