Falling apart
 

I'm feeling so awful. I want to go to him. It's not healthy for either of us. Why can't I leave it be?

Sometimes I'm so strong. He loved me, wanted to take care of me. I'm just beginig to understand his illness. Classic distorted thinking. Projection, forcasting the future. Dooms day thoughts. I didn't see it in real time, now it is so clear. He's rejected all out reach.

He is suffering and cut me off cold.

Why is he rejecting me?!

Felicia, sorry you are feeling so terrible. Try to stay calm and know it will pass. Try not to torture yourself by wondering what he is thinking or doing.

Didn't this man say to you, "I choose alcohol over you"? That's reality. It sucks but it's reality and you will probably never get a reason other than he is an alcoholic.

You are a good and caring person. You deserve someone who appreciates you. Believe this and you'll get past the heartbreak. Keep posting and please take care of yourself!

What makes me most upset is he forcasted this ending. He processed it. He put himself in hospital twice. In a week. I've been caught off guard & thrown way, like trash. He's a jerk.

Thx 53500. He did say "i choose alcohol over you". " don't waste your time on me" .i want to turn it off. It hurts.

I want to yell at him. Does he even care? He knows I'm hurt. Every thing I've done I the past month, I've wanted to share with him, I haven't. It's been terrible .

He's done & I'm not. W t F! I'm so mad.

Felicia,

I think what you’re feeling is very normal. It’s a part of the grieving process. Some days will be better than others but eventually there will be many more good days than bad days, and hopefully someday soon you’ll even come to realize that you may have escaped years of prolonged misery. For now just breathe and please take some time tomorrow to relax and pamper yourself. I’m sending you hugs right now from the “Last Frontier”.

Felicia, it's good you are angry! That is a normal reaction to being treated badly. You do not deserve bad treatment. Take the time you need to be angry, to grieve. Just keep in mind you will NOT stay in anger and in grief. Time heals. Take some time and treat yourself well, like Alaska said.

His words "don't waste your time on me" are good advice.

All the things you want to share you can share here, and you can share them with those who are willing and able to share life with you. Sadly, this man is not in that group.

Feeling stronger today. Will get back to al-anon by mid week, the meetings and readings help more then I realised.

Hey FeliciaM!
I'm glad you're here. Your situation is exactly why the AA BigBook calls this a "cunning and baffling disease."
I don't know why they all get like this. I am wondering if the substance disables parts of their brains that control feelings and relationships.
If you get that TV show "Intervention" you might want to watch it sometimes. The alcoholics on there are every bit as bad as the CrystalMeth users.

Hi Felicia,

It sounds like you are grieving. Have you ever heard of a grief counsellor? One was recommended to me when my relationship suddenly ended. I was spinning asking the same questions you are. I did not see one, although I did talk with a therapist. In hindsight, I think I should have done the grief counseling in addition to regular therapy.

You might look into it.

Your ex isn't a nice guy. He did a jerk thing. In the long run, I doubt you want to be with a selfish jerk. Keep putting distance between you and him. Get the help you need and keep moving forward. There are many non-jerk men out there when the time comes.

Did some "classic reading" in the Stickys. The first link, I think it's titled, When pain stops?.... something like that.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ain-stops.html

Every statement rang true for me. Heartbreak and empowerment at the same time. Beautiful insights to help me out of my fog. Powerful.

Felicia, there was a period of time when I went to Al-Anon meetings daily. Every lunch hour, I'd bring my sandwich and sit in those meetings. A lot of times, I didn't share anything, but like you say, the readings and the routine provided me with a sense of... structure, at a time when I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me and I had nothing to hold on to.

I'm glad you're feeling better. Remember, the way he has treated you says NOTHING about your value and worth as a human being.

Felicia,I have been with my partner for 16 years and she is still "choosing alcohol over me",or rather she is unwilling to consider that she has an illness that requires her to use every tool in the kit if she is to have any chance of recovery.After all this time ,am I going to continue to be dragged along and destroyed as well? The short answer to that is "NO". I know in my heart that I'm not willing to live like this for the rest of my life-I have HAD to explain to her that much as I love her(and I do) I'm unable to watch her continuing to destroy herself when there IS help available .SHE has to want it,do you see that-that there is nothing we can do? I feel helpless,as has everyone here at some point when they have realised that there isn't a d--- thing they can do to change someone else-it really is true that the only person I have any hope of changing is ME . There is nothing selfish about making your own recovery no.1.I'm falling apart ,but know it's something that has to be done. . You have your whole life ahead of you-you deserve for it to be a good one.

Sadly to an active A, alcohol will always win over everything else.

Felicia two years on from when the EXA left me (but not officially until a few months ago) and I am still feeling the way you are ... Don't be hard on yourself ... Only someone who cared would feelings way.