mischa1

So with the car out of my name and him being azz as usual I decided that if I get nothing else but out it is for the best. I blocked him. Went down to 20 friends on Facebook that I trust obviously he isn't one of them. I changed my name back, didn't even have time to change it legally so at least I don't have that headache to deal with. I erased all the pics and I untagged him in everything. Oh and I went on his fb (I set it up and insisted on having password and going on anytime I want to check bc I don't trust him) yep. He's talking to her. As usual. Oh and another girl.

My biggest problem is I'm all alone here and have no one to talk to. My 20 yr old son gets more than he should and I have 1 friend but she's more than an hour away and LA traffic makes it impossible to see her much. Everyone I know is in a different time zone. Several time zones away. It was my choice to move so far away and I love living here but it's hard with no money and no friends. So no social life. So I started pouring stuff out on Facebook bc if I were near these 20 people I would tell them all. It was my way of creating a support network for myself. I'll let you know how it works out.

I cried for hours and painted. Drank a glass of wine (it's nice to just have 1 or 2 and not have to watch 4 bottles of money be poured down his throat. Not that he drinks wine. It would be 2 glasses of wine for me a whole bottle of vodka for him. Then rage.

I'm out. I'm safe. I'm sad. I'll be ok I. The end. It will take time and I'm going to have to be ok with it. Every time I miss him I try to post somewhere. I have 3 places for support now. All online but it's better than nothing.

Refiner

Congratulations on your very first baby steps into complete FREEDOM. It's all uphill from here!

lillamy

The good thing with online support is that it's always there. You post at 3 am, nobody's going to be groggy and irritated that you wake them up.

And I'm glad you painted. Art, creating, is a fantastic way to focus your energy on something completely and take a break from the pain for a while. I can't think of anything more therapeutic.

Brindie

Mischa, I think many of us know that mixed sense of relief and loneliness. I read on another forum (STBEAH has serious underlying mental health issues, I believe) a piece about the importance of goal setting. Small personal goals to start with, and it really got me thinking about what I wanted to happen next and what I could do to influence that. I have two dogs, and walk them regularly, and it means that at weekends I don't go for a whole two days without speaking to anyone. I run into other dog walkers, and we stop and admire one another's babies, and we get chatting. Sometimes that's the only conversation I have over a weekend. BUT I enjoy the moment, and when we do the same walks on a Saturday morning, we meet the same people, and have more conversation, and that way I get to know their names, and so the story goes. This has become a really nice social event for me. I look forward to our chats now - and I suspect some other walkers look forward to it too. So no job, time on your hands? Is this something you could offer in your local neighbourhood? Some people around here (UK) do this for cash on a regular basis. And the posting is just great to take your inner stuff out. Hugs.

jjj77

I know it sucks, but you're doing the right thing for you. You have support here! Keep on keepin' on.

mischa1

Brindie...i have a job. A really good job actually when he is not spending it on booze before I can even pay bills. I counted it up and I was spending 1100 a month on liquor and cigarettes for him. 8000 worth to be exact bc that is the limit on my credit card. I'm so angry about it all. Now he is wanting his bluray player back. HE STOLE MY CAR!!!!! i still don't know where it is. I really think he did something with it and made money and doesn't want me to know bc he will not tell me where it is. (he is a mechanic, he was fixing it, never did, I was without a car so long I had to buy a new one with no trade in) the whole time he was and still is refusing to tell me where it is. that's bc he fixed it. Sold it. and kept the money.