heartbroke1008

While my A was active in drinking he cheated a lot on me. Now that he is sober I seem to wonder if he will do it again. I know you cant predict the future but is that part of who the alcoholic is deep down. He told me he knows he has had distorted view of intimacy and he is working on them. We spend a lot of time now holding hands. Not so much intimacy. I have tried to talk to him about this. I think I am insecure...I need to feel like he desires me not other women. Sometimes I feel I am his friend but not a wife type. Does this happen when they get sober? Do they tend to continue to cheat after they get sober? What is your experience with this type of problem? I never though of my self as being overly intimate but not being intimate at all bothers me.

Lorelai

I don't know heartbroke. I don't have any experience with a sober H. I know that my H has done a lot of things that would lead me to believe that he would (or has) cheated on me. I don't know if he does those because he's drunk or if he does them because that's the kind of person he is. I know that there are a lot of people who are alcoholics that don't cheat.

I would think that if your H is sober and working on his problems, you have a lot of reason to hope that things will work out. As usual, it will take time and waiting it out can be hard.

Sending you hugs -
L

Dust Bunny

My learning of my H's affairs is what facilitated him reaching his "bottom". I was so hurt that I told him I wanted him to stay but the bottle had to go. It's been almost a year since then and we have worked through a lot of issues. He now says that time period seems like a nightmare and the memories are very painful. He is as shocked and horrified as I was that he would put himself in that situation.

Not everyone reacts to that situation the same. It may take your H some more time yet to understand what he was doing to HIMSELF. It may take you even longer to begin to trust that his changes are in earnest and for you to be able to relax around him. In the midst of all your questions, ask him for his patience and understanding ... and offer him the same. :-)

JT

heartbroke,

Trust your instinct. I think far to often we dismiss what we believe is true because we have no proof. His actions will speak far more clearly than his words. Actions and time...it took time for you to lose trust and it will take time to gain it back. Take it easy on yourself. You don't owe him your trust, he needs to earn it.

Hugs,
JT