So tired of being blamed for everything.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Iowa
Posts: 15
So tired of being blamed for everything.
This is my first time posting so I'm sorry if this is all over the place. I'm sick and tired of being blamed for everything. My AH blames me for all his problems. If only I would have done this he wouldn't have done that. If I was nicer he wouldn't have to drink so much. If I just left him alone he wouldn't have any problems.
See last Monday I came home from work to find my 18 month old son running around the house naked while my husband was drinking with some random off the street man I never met before. Yes, my AH brought some man into our home that he hardly knew. He was drunk at 2pm when I got off.
I told him it was enough, he was either going to rehab or me and his mother were going to have him involuntary committed. He refused and his mother and I made a very difficult choice to have him put into the hospital. I feel he was and is a danger to himself and others around him. He got out on Friday and was told to be taking Antabuse and his medication for his bipolar, and also to be meeting with an addiction services place so he could get out patient treatment.
Since he has been back on Friday he was been very cold towards me and wont even look at me. Today I got a phone call from work that he was mad that I had locked our house because he couldn't get in. He left his keys inside (he can drive his car without his keys). I was then told that he can't believe I did this to him. That I should have tried to fix things between us 2 years ago before it got bad. That I AM the reason he drinks so much, and that he can't stand to be around me. We have three young children. I feel like he just doesn't like what I have to say about his problems.
He is Bipolar and wont take his medication unless basically forced. He is verbally abused towards me, and can just be plain evil. Everything is ALWAYS about him. He doesn't care about me I don't think anymore because I tell him he has problems. I know this is a rambling mess but I don't know how much longer I can take for being blamed for his problems. Honestly while he might love his kids I think he loves drinking more.
See last Monday I came home from work to find my 18 month old son running around the house naked while my husband was drinking with some random off the street man I never met before. Yes, my AH brought some man into our home that he hardly knew. He was drunk at 2pm when I got off.
I told him it was enough, he was either going to rehab or me and his mother were going to have him involuntary committed. He refused and his mother and I made a very difficult choice to have him put into the hospital. I feel he was and is a danger to himself and others around him. He got out on Friday and was told to be taking Antabuse and his medication for his bipolar, and also to be meeting with an addiction services place so he could get out patient treatment.
Since he has been back on Friday he was been very cold towards me and wont even look at me. Today I got a phone call from work that he was mad that I had locked our house because he couldn't get in. He left his keys inside (he can drive his car without his keys). I was then told that he can't believe I did this to him. That I should have tried to fix things between us 2 years ago before it got bad. That I AM the reason he drinks so much, and that he can't stand to be around me. We have three young children. I feel like he just doesn't like what I have to say about his problems.
He is Bipolar and wont take his medication unless basically forced. He is verbally abused towards me, and can just be plain evil. Everything is ALWAYS about him. He doesn't care about me I don't think anymore because I tell him he has problems. I know this is a rambling mess but I don't know how much longer I can take for being blamed for his problems. Honestly while he might love his kids I think he loves drinking more.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Welcome to SR, BooJudeBoo. I hope you find the support you're looking for here.
First of all, I hope you know that you are definitely NOT the reason your AH drinks, and that everything is NOT your fault. It is very typical of an A to blame everyone and everything else for their problems and for their drinking. My A told me he drank b/c "it's the only little bit of joy I get around here." Umm, yeah....
Second, is there some way you can avoid having your AH watch your child? Clearly he is NOT a responsible caretaker, and it would be awful if something happened while he was drinking.
I'd suggest that you read as much as you can here, making sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page. This is an example of what's in the stickies: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
You'll probably find that a lot of the stories really resonate w/you, and you'll know you're not alone in your struggles.
I'd also suggest looking into Alanon for some face-to-face support. Many meetings have child care available for a very minimal cost, so you wouldn't have to worry about leaving your child w/the A. The combination of SR and Alanon has been life-changing for me in ways I could never have imagined when I first came here.
Please keep coming back, keep reading, keep posting. It's a lot to try to take in all at once, but gradually you'll start to see the path before you. Wishing you strength and clarity to walk it.
First of all, I hope you know that you are definitely NOT the reason your AH drinks, and that everything is NOT your fault. It is very typical of an A to blame everyone and everything else for their problems and for their drinking. My A told me he drank b/c "it's the only little bit of joy I get around here." Umm, yeah....
Second, is there some way you can avoid having your AH watch your child? Clearly he is NOT a responsible caretaker, and it would be awful if something happened while he was drinking.
I'd suggest that you read as much as you can here, making sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page. This is an example of what's in the stickies: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
You'll probably find that a lot of the stories really resonate w/you, and you'll know you're not alone in your struggles.
I'd also suggest looking into Alanon for some face-to-face support. Many meetings have child care available for a very minimal cost, so you wouldn't have to worry about leaving your child w/the A. The combination of SR and Alanon has been life-changing for me in ways I could never have imagined when I first came here.
Please keep coming back, keep reading, keep posting. It's a lot to try to take in all at once, but gradually you'll start to see the path before you. Wishing you strength and clarity to walk it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Iowa
Posts: 15
Yes, he will not be watching our son. I was sick to my stomach to see what he did. He used to be such a great father, I don't know what happened. The old him would have never thought that was okay.
Stoic
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wash D.C.
Posts: 321
Originally Posted by BooJudeBoo 
I wish nothing more then for him to realize what he is doing to his family.
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