LostinPain

MY wife was diagnosed with Stage 4 liver disease back in December 2011. She continued to drink on and off during the next year. She went to her first rehab in August of 2012 and her second rehab in December 2012. She continued to drink. I finally started "thinking correctly" and decided as much as i love my wife (whom I married twice!) my two young daughters have to come first (they are now 7 and 10). I told her she was not welcome back to our home anymore (December 30, 2012). Hardest thing I ever did in my life. I NEVER wanted her to be out of the home. I wanted to take care of her and help her with her liver disease until she passed away. Knowing she may die alone is a horrific feeling. Here I am almost two years later, and I am STILL in pain. Since she has left our home 23 months ago, he has been through 5 rehabs. Got into and kicked out of 6 sober living facilities. She has gone missing over 70 days in the past 1.5 years and always ended up in the hospital. She tried killing herself in August (2014) by drinking and was in a coma for 4 days on a ventilator. During the time she was passed out drunk, a friend stole her iPad, cloths, and her truck. I have since gotten her truck back. She went through detox and another 23 day rehab. I decided to help her, again. I bought her new cloths, a new phone, paid for her truck to get out of the impound lot and let her stay at my home for 4 nights while she planned what to do. She even stayed over for our daughters sleepover party. This was the first b-day in 3 years she attended. MY daughter was so happy. The next day (Sunday), she disappeared, no phone call... nothing. MY girls and I came home from school/work on Tuesday evening and her truck was in front of our home. She was drunk in the back seat sleeping. I tried waking her up to talk but she ignored me and just climbed in the front seat and would not talk with me. She started her truck and, in front of our kids, she drove away drunk. We did not hear anything until Friday evening. On Friday evening, in our neighborhood, my daughter spotted her truck at the other end of the street. Again, she was drunk and sleeping in truck. I called the ambulance and police. They took her to detox and she is there now.

After examining her truck, i found 5 vodka bottles. And apparently, she had hit something because there was damage to the front of the truck. Since the keys were not in the ignition when police came, she was not arrested.

She is getting out today. She asking for me to pick her up and bring her to get her truck. HELP. I do not want to hurt her or punish her. I do not want to make her life harder in any way...I still care. However, I am scared she will hurt someone if she drinks and drives again or herself. Also, I want to be a good parent to my kids and let them know drinking and driving is a horrible and dangerous thing to do. If i do not give her truck back, she will have no way to get around and no place to sleep until a spot at sober living opens up. I know what I want to do, what i should do, but I am scared for her. I feel like I am hurting her. HELP!!!!

doggonecarl

It pains me to say this...you need to get her affairs in order. She's killing herself with the drinking.

Fandy

If you give her the truck back and she drives and kills an innocent person, you will feel worse. Also if you are still legally married, you are liable on the insurance (i think).

She doesn't have any interest in her children or her life. She keeps getting rescued and she keeps repeating.

FireSprite

I hate to say it so plainly, but I think the best thing you could do for her is to let her deal with the consequences of her own actions & be there for your kids instead.

She's an adult making the CHOICE to live this way. It sounds like none of your "help" has ever set her straight in the past, so it stands to reason that it is an exercise in futility to continue trying. Like throwing good money after bad, you know?

Protect your kids & stop rescuing your full-grown, adult wife who has the ability to make better decisions for herself as soon as SHE is ready. It's terribly sad to say it so plainly, but your kids need you to be a full-functioning parent & need you to be breathing through your own oxygen mask so you can help them with theirs. They NEED you, she is USING you.

Do you attend Al-Anon or see a therapist? (((hugs))) I'm sorry you are hurting, but I can promise you that the stronger you get in your own recovery as a Codependent, the less this will affect you. You will be better able to see her choices & the limits of your responsibility to them.