Blossom717

Is it a Codependent tendency to bottle things up, then they bubble to the surface at the most inappropriate times?

Everything just got to me last night. The resentment, the fear, the anger, the regret. It was still with me this morning.

It started last night when we got back to the house from going to the pumpkin patch. I was just...angry. Nothing really set me off yesterday. I think it was just everything that I've been holding back. The pumpkin patch was out towards exabf's house so that may have triggered it I suppose.

But my brain just wouldn't shut off. I'm angry that I have to let her go to his house next weekend. I have to let my little girl go into the arms of the man that has turned our lives upside down.
He sent me pictures of her bedroom yesterday to show me the princess bed or whatever. All I could focus on is all the things that I put into that room. The area rug I bought, the dresser that has her things I brought her home in from the hospital in the bottom drawer, that he won't let me have. I meticulously picked out that outfit and blanket we brought her home in, and I packed it away for safe keeping. I know they are just things, but they were important to me. He didn't even know they were in there but now that he does, he won't give them back. The green on the walls that I painted when I was 6 months pregnant, with no help from him. All of it.

I know it shouldn't matter. But sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. With work, school, and money issues, its like a mountain of crap to climb. I'm trying to give her the life she deserves but I am struggling. I was still cranky this morning and yelled at her about not getting her bookbag from her room...it was in the car and she was trying to tell me that but I wouldn't listen. She didn't seem upset but I still feel bad because I shouldn't have taken my frustrations out on her. She's the reason I am thankful for every day.

I just had to get that out somewhere.

hopeful4

Blossom, I understand completely. It's horrible that he chooses to hold power by taking the things that actually mean something to you.

You and baby Blossom are in my heart and in my prayers. I hope today is a better day.

Blossom717

Thank you Hopeful. Its one of those days where I wish I could skip work and spend the day with her!

lizatola

Aww, sweetie, I don't know if that's a codependency thing or just a human thing! We all blow at times and yes, we seem to do it at our kids when they least deserve it. At my weekly meeting on Friday, the topic of projection came up and many folks shared about how they projected their anger onto their kids. One woman said that the biggest lesson she learned in Al Anon is to take responsibility for our actions and to make amends, if needed. Kids bounce back quickly and take our apologies well, so I'm sure your daughter will forgive your outburst and will just love hearing about how much you love her at the end of the day. HUGS!

hopeful4

I get it. You have no idea how many times I have come to work crying over my own behavior towards my children and just wished I could skip it all and run off with them for the day. The good thing is, later in the day, they don't even remember it happened.

Give yourself a break, you are doing great!

XXX

maia1234

Blossom you have every right to be upset. I am dividing everything in my house. My stbxah doesn't remember anything on who gave us what or where it is from. I have to tell him and ask him if he wants it. I have a bowl that we received from his uncle and aunt for our wedding. I asked him if he wants it as I love it and have had it on my dining room table for 26 years. He said yes he wanted it. It means nothing to him, but since I want it he wants it. Oh well, only a bowl.

You have every right to be bummed, it sucks!! Sorry that we all have to go threw this crap with sick people.

Florence

You have every right to be upset. You're very enmeshed with someone who wants to control you, and it's demoralizing and disempowering.

I spent years feeling like this, though, and it robbed me of good times with DS15 and was a source for depression. My very strong suggestion from my own pain and experience is to try and get into some counseling with someone who can help you process all the grief of what was, whatever PTSD/anxiety/stress symptoms that you have after being in the relationship with your XH. It was also very important to me to have that confidence under my belt when it came to the custody hearings.

Blossom717

Counseling is a good suggestion. When I go back for my prescription refills, I will request a referral to someone. Definitely wouldn't hurt a bit.

maia - my ex is the same way about not remember what came from where. He sent me a picture this past weekend of a child's rocking chair from his house asking if it was something of sentimental value to me. It belonged to HIS niece when she was little....

maia1234

I know Blossom, It so sad what we are all going through. I just am trying to survive with dignity and know that I will be ok, somehow.

I find the walls of SR to be strength and support. My husband emailed me today (I blocked his calls 2 weeks ago because he hung up on me for the very last time) and asked how I was feeling as I had "lady" issues last week. I really wish that he wouldn't care about me anymore. It made me cry that he asked how I was, as I know that he still loves me, but loves the bottle more. Every day is sad!!

Rosalba

You're far from unique in bottling things up only to have them explode in inappropriate moments. Ironically, it often happens when things are actually starting to improve and we don't have to work so hard to keep the lid on it.

As regards your daughter's bedroom... I'm just checking I read this right... she's got a lovely room, full of things which you bought for her, things of sentimental value from key points in her life? Familiar things which will create a warm, comfortable environment for her? It sounds as though your ex has unwittingly created a space in his own house which is full of memories of... you!

I am reading this right? Your daughter's actually the one benefiting from his capriciousness?

Blossom717

Thank you Rosalba - I didn't think of it like that; her room. That's a very good point. Hopefully she will feel comfort in her room since it hasn't changed much since we left.

Florence

Ooh! You are a smart lady!

hopeful4

Blossom, get a referral for a counselor who specializes in families who deal with addiction. That will be so helpful for you! You can most likely call your town's medical society and they can give you some names.