Bamawife

I am looking for a little help with boundaries. I cannot get "boundaries" off of my mind. My AH is on day 21 of rehab. For days now I have been working on the boundaries that I will set. My problem is this, my list of boundaries could be endless. How do I know or when will I know that I am creating too many boundaries? Looking for some ESH.

Thank you all so much for the support.

ladyscribbler

I used to confuse boundaries with rules. Rules are constraints on someone else's behavior. Boundaries are for me.

Rule= You will not drink and drive.
Boundary= I will not ride with a driver who has been drinking.

Rule= You will not drink in the house.
Boundary= I will not be in the house when you are drinking.

Rule= You will stop drinking.
Boundary= I will not be in a relationship with an active alcoholic.

That last boundary was what finally allowed me to end my relationship with my ex. He never made any effort at recovery, no matter how many "house rules" I tried to make around his drinking behavior. All I could control was my behavior and choices.

Bamawife

That makes so much sense. I can see where boundaries overlap as rules in my mind. Thank you so much for helping me understand the difference.

AW1111

This is very helpful to me also- thank you for writing it in black and white!!

53500

Thank you ladyscribbler, that is very wise and is something I'm dealing with now. Trying to figure out what my boundary is as setting rules has failed miserably. You've helped me to see why.

irisgardens

Thank you ladyscribbler...this is so helpful.

isitme

I just saw this article this morning and thought it was a pretty good one. I have very weak boundaries and between this and ladyscribbler's explanation I intend to work on them.

6 Steps To Set Good Boundaries