Hammer

Paul Henry does pretty good work.

Sometimes it helps us to understand some the What and Why *they* are going
through >>>


http://alcoholicsguidetoalcoholism.c...onal-disorder/


[btw, this is not Alanon nor AA, per se. If you go further into his work, it goes into the Hardware (or brain "Wetware), genetic aspects, medical research, therapy . . . but all loops back to "How it Works," per the Olde School AA model.]

HealingWillCome

I agree with this. ^^ For me, it makes alcoholism/addiction less personal. Acceptance and peace are much easier when I step back and remind myself that coping behaviors aren't being done *to* me as much as they are *in spite* of whatever hard work I put into a relationship. It helps me turn anger and defensiveness into compassion and gives me permission to step away and take care of myself as needed. It took me a long time to get this.

Interesting blog post. Good stuff. Thanks for sharing.

dandylion

Thanks, Hammer.....

Dandylion

AncientHighway

Interesting article!

I absolutely agree that "that alcoholism and addiction are primarily emotional regulation and processing disorders." As for underlying causes of addiction, alexithymia certainly seems to apply to a segment of the addict population but it definitely does not apply to all. I think for some it might be the exact opposite: over-exaggerated emotional identification in self and with others. I think emotional issues relating to unresolved trauma are yet another underlying cause for many addicts. All of this further reinforces the idea that the addiction itself is but a symptom of some other deeper issue.

Eauchiche

WOW!!! What a great thread. Thanks for the website you linked to.

CodeJob

Thanks for the link Hammer.

Every time my RAH claims he just liked to drink and there is 'nothing' else to why all that happened happened, I want to pop his head open and rummage inside like Inspector Gadget. But maybe that is the best way he can explain that to him, there Truly is Nothing In There. Which is freaky as the very word Alexithymia.

Christopher1

Completely subscribe to the fact that early experiences influence our neurobiology(Sue Gerhardt makes very interesting reading also) -that peoples coping mechanisms ,for want of a better term ,can be disrupted at that level therefore behaviour and how we deal with the world may be maladaptive for that reason.People with such difficulties however need people around them with strong boundaries & a good level of emotional intelligence :in effect, the person self-soothing this disruption and the "non-alcoholic" are probably the last people either should be involved with and both end up floundering.Does that bring it back full circle to programmes such as AA/Al-anon/Smart recovery or whatever with the aim being for the individual to have support to rectify their damage where possible. So, both the person using substances and those close to them can end up with yet more damage to themselves due to direct effects of the substance and further stress.I don't know; I will never understand this world if I live to be 100.

AncientHighway

That it might be the case for some people is freaky isn't it? It is very hard for me to imagine what life must be like for someone that has a very low level of emotional awareness. I spent a good part of my life completely ignorant to the fact that there were people lacking this kind of self-awareness.

Hammer

Kind of funny. Back in the day before I did "real therapy" Back about 14 years now -- I said I had an Emotional Co-Processor in my brain so I could "Emulate" (act and fake respond) to the Human Emotions I would see in others.

Childhood Abuse stuff for me. Recovery and Therapy was a Good Thing. About like when the Color comes on for Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.

(Dorothy and Oz refs, again. I must be Gay. )

Sing along? I am.

Wizard of oz we're off to see the wizard. - YouTube

irisgardens

Thank you, Hammer, for the link...it was helpful and although I tend to still be tempted to blame myself for the family disease I grew up with and married into...I am grateful for the alanon and now, naranon, work I have done and still do. The therapy helped a lot...there is still a lot there...that comes up when dealing with another ALO...most recently my AD. What a disease and how it affects all of us.

I LOVE Wizard of oz...so thanks for that too!

Christopher1

Think you have quite a wicked sense of humour Ham.Serious stuff though.Can you help me out with your real therapy definition. I still run into trouble identfying feelings(what's that?) The addictions counsellor I'm seeing has me blubbering like a baby now though-embarrassing at my time of life.

Hammer

By "real" therapy I mean a Real World (and Competent) Therapist.

I was having "waking" nightmares, and got quite a bit of help from on-line groups, like this one.

By the time, I hit real therapy (there is that phrase, again ) I was all set and ready to rip right through.

For a while, the T had me use a sheet of "emotocons" to say how I felt about this or that.

Typical "How are you feeling" sheet >>>

Christopher1

On paper her credentials seem good,she validates my feelings and doesn't run away from things (it's me who wants to do that).There is so much stuff coming up that I'm struggling at times.Guess 15 & 21 would be where I am right now! (Add in 4&8 to make it more fun).Not sure what your definition of a waking nightmare is-mine is feeling like I'm reliving everything that happened to me and it wasn't good.