Really and truly letting go & moving on
 

So of course I caved, of course we've contacted each other multiple times - there's been a few nice times and a few terrible times. I do not know what it is I am lacking but there's a part of me that has way too much trouble letting go.

I've accepted a job offer on the other side of the country.
I'm moving on October 25, 2014.

It's a great job opportunity - I have a place lined up out there.

There's just too many memories in my beautiful apartment with my EX... I was doing OK moving on with my life but he just shows and I fall to my knees. I'm hoping I can find a support group in my new city (Calgary, Alberta - YUP in the process of buying a new winter jacket!)

I've never been the type of person to become so debilitated by a relationship or an ex - I've always been able to move on with my life - and it was working for a while (about 3 weeks) and now I'm winded, I can't get up... It's pathetic.

I can't sleep at night, I cry so much more than I'd like to admit. Happy me, before all this was routine based. Up early, swim, breakfast, healthy meals, productive at work, happy. I struggled a lot of my earlier life to get to this sane and happy place and when I thought I had met someone that was going to be my partner I let them in .. (even though my gut told me not to... -_-) and just a sociopathic drug addict/alcoholic who destroyed what self esteem I had built, physically ruined my home, and I'm haunted by - I'm winded and my city, my home where I've lived my whole life has become a dungeon. I get spooked any time I see a black truck- not that I'm worried for my own safety I just hate how weak I become for him.... and it's just a vicious cycle of BS ego boosting and promises and then disappointment and I can admit it's my own damn fault for believing the guy time and time again - I always tell him not to waste his time not to tell me these insane things (he loves me, he's sorry, he'll make it up to me over time, he's getting better, he wants to give me the best of him... etc.....) but a small part of me wants to believe them....

I'm excited for my fresh start. A much higher paying job, a new career opportunity (blended role of what I am in now, plus office management) & just the novelty that comes with rebirth... I get to start over again.

My friends and family couldn't be more supportive and happy for this decision.

I found his birth certificate at my house and I contacted him to let him know I'd mail it to him but of course that turned into two days of me crying and him calling me names.... I hate that I always think he's capable of being more than delusional and irrational...

I'm setting myself free. No more showing up at my house - he cannot contact me - new number - I've even changed my personal email address just in case. He is blocked on any social medias. This is for real and as much as I am excited and happy - I am also sad and shattered because something I believed in so much was just a sham.

Really hoping to get to the alanon group out there - any readers from Calgary with any input?

Bless all you readers and posters!

Best of luck to you!!

Some of the nicest people I've ever met came from Calgary! :) I hope you will find that to be true when you get there, too!

I bet that moving will help and I understand how hard it is to let go... Not having all the in your face memories of being in the same place will probably help some...

I wish you the best. I could have written what you wrote to a "T". I'm trying to end all contact. I envy you. Stay strong. You can do this! If you ever want to talk please message me. My friends and family do not understand and thus......I am here reading these incredibly helpful forums. Peace and happiness to you.

Lady, you will do awesome.. you don't need to stop loving him, yet. Move, get strong and let time heal the wounds.

YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT!!!!!!! Congratulations