heartbroke1008

So far my A has been sober for a little over 2 months. It has been wonderful for the most part. He is working hard on his recovery and I am working hard on mine. I feel peaceful and happy most of the time. I have found myself thinking a lot lately that any day things are going to change and be crazy. I started going to alanon so that I could learn how to live with or with out my A in my life. I know I am just creating chaos in my life with my thinking. I just would really hate to have things go so well just to fall apart.

He is staying away from his brother who uses. It really hurts him not to be around him. He trys to talk to him but his brother wont since he is sober. He does the subtly not outright. He just doesnt call or ends the conversation when my A wont go in the big truck with him on a run. He has tried to explain the situation to him. Anyways he is not the subject. I guess I am afraid he will suck him back into using. I know I cant control it but I cant seem to stop worrying about it.

My A tells me to talk about that stuff with him because it loses its power. I just hate to sound like I do not have any faith in him and his recovery. I feel like I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. Did any of you experience this kind of thinking when things where going so well. I know I need to remember the bad stuff so that I do not let it happen to me but I dont want to relive it in my mind all the time. Any suggestions?

Magichappens

heartbroke,
It still creeps up on me, though not nearly as much. I just had to realize that it's reality that alcoholics may get drunk again. Once I accept that, I have to try to live one day at a time. Why am I spoiling today by worrying about something that hasn't happened, and that I don't have any control over. I had to find other things to focus on, like my recovery, my happiness, my self esteem. I also pray. This is something that works for me. I ask God to remove the worry from me. Then I try to relax. It has worked many times. Hugs, Magic

heartbroke1008

Thanks Magic. I am trying very hard to do just that. Sometimes the old pains like the affair and the messed up finances and all the other junk just whack me on the head and make me crazy. thanks for listening and letting me know your perspective. As always it has helped

Teggie

You sound like your doing really well, I am happy things are going well for you. Alanon is designed to help us with thoughts such as this. Have you started working any of the steps yet? You'll be amazed what you'll come to see clearly. It will help you learn and keep a healthy attitude for you. I want to encourage you to keep that communication line open and honest. Tell him just how you told us. Keep the faith and keep moving foreward Hugs, Teggie

heartbroke1008

I am working on step 4. It is a rough step. I am trying to keep it balanced and keep a list of good qualities or assests. Sometimes those are very hard to see. I think when my self esteem gets low I think yucky thoughts and cant find something positive about myself. I will keep moving forward. Thanks for the words of praise. I needed them.

Magichappens

I go there too. You are doing the same thing by posting and getting feedback that I do by calling my sponsor and going to a meeting. We depend on each other to help keep us from going to crazy land. I have gotten better at it with time, but it never completely goes away. My sponsor has 24 years and she still has her moments, though rare. Resentment is something I have had to continue to work on. Just when I think I have it licked, it pops up as fear or anger or obsession. We just have to keep plugging at it. Hugs, Magic