seek

If so, why? What good can come of it?

seek

Why Go Down With the Ship? | Dr. Diva PhD Online

lillamy

No. No, I didn't. And I think very few people do. The problem -- at least for me -- was that I spent the longest time denying that the ship was sinking. Yeah, my feet were wet and the poor chihuaua was already swimming for its life and there was a row of rats paddling towards shore but nope, not sinking here. That was my attitude for the longest time.

I think if you know the ship is sinking, you are able to save yourself.
The problem is denial.
The problem is you keep plugging holes and telling yourself the ship is salvageable if you only...

And thanks for that article.

stella27

I remember hitting my bottom. I realized that I could either save the children or save the drowning AH and he didn't want my help.

So I picked me and the kids and I have (hardly) looked back. Our lives are very difficult now - logistically: always short of money, one mom, three kids, trying to work and still give them a good life, but I have NEVER NEVER NEVER wished that AH back in my house.

ladyscribbler

Ditto, except with 2 kids, not 3. AX is still drowning in his sea of booze, has never expressed any self awareness about his disease or desire for sobriety, but we are happy on our little life raft paddling to shore. My only regret is not leaving sooner.

hopeful4

This for me too. 100%

Bullfrog

Ditto with 2 kids. Pretty much word for word, ditto.

Needabreak

Yep, ditto for me too, except for the kids.

airwick

I am obligated to my son, I am obligated to myself. I am NOT obligated to alcohol. It is my choice to stay afloat or sink.

Alcohol has great power, there for making me feel I am powerless. I am NOT POWERLESS-

Let me just state, that I WILL NOT DRINK----but it is within my control to do or not

God gives us the choice. If we jump off a cliff---and die, it was our choice. God did not stop us. He gave us the ability to know what is right and what is wrong. When our minds are not clear to make that choice wisely, help from others comes available. But then again, we have that choice to seek help or allow others to do so.

Either way, I choice has to be made

BrokenInPieces

If there's one thing I continued to tell myself, it was "I'm not going down with that ship."
From what I can see now, the ship already had a slow leak when I boarded.

I love him dearly, but staying with him would be as productive as rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

Justwantnormal

This is where I'm at. I can't seem to get a grasp on whether or not the ship is actually sinking or if it can be repaired. If only I could stand on someone else's ship for a moment to get a better look!

seek

The thing about the analogy . . .the ship is huge. I didn't create it, or the holes. And the holes keep spouting up where you least expect them. I am only one person - I can't be everywhere fixing holes. I don't even know HOW to fix holes (I might look up some solutions on the internet, but I am incapable of doing the actual work of fixing holes - I can't even fix most things in MY direct world, yet alone a ship with huge holes in it).

NYCDoglvr

Speaking as a recovering alcoholic (23 years this week!) I can say that in recovery we learn we have a choice: we can choose to drink or not drink. And even though alcoholism is considered a disease, the alcoholic is always responsible for his/her actions. So I hope no one stays while an alcoholic engages in the progressive descent into pure hell. Especially if children are involved.

healthyagain

Not feeling obliged at all. My issue is with the safety boat I have to make for myself. Takes too long.

airwick

JustWantNormal: You can come aboard my ship anytime you wish
It's been afloat, and it's skimming the top of the water ever
so slightly.

*no life jacket required, WE are not going under

LoveMeNow

Although, I too was in denial about the ship sinking, I did also feel obligated to go down with it. In fact, I did.

I kept thinking, I had nothing left to loose. Oh, how wrong I was!! And yet, there are still times that I must fight the urge to get back on the Titantic and see if we can save it.

Waterfalls2014

Ahh the ship. If only older me would have told me what was in store.

I met my ex in high school. He was the bad boy. And oh did I like them bad boys. He did drugs. I came from a Christian home. He was so exciting.

I thought I'll hang out with him. Why not, he's fun.

Then boom, I'm expecting. It's time for him to change. We're gonna have a family.

We have our child. But he doesn't change, in fact he gets worse. He goes from pot to crack. We have a few years of this together.

Then a child at my daughters school gets hit by a car and killed. The family has the court send out notices for everyone who was in the child's class to come to court and testify. I get a notice, not knowing what it's for and think I can be court ordered to go in and lose my child.

I tell my ex that's it. Our daughter deserves better. I clean up and start being a mom. I go to school and get a degree. This whole time I'm drinking but maintaining.

Ex never straightens up. We have drive bys, people kicking in our door, people putting lit rags in our cars gas tanks to blow us up, eviction after eviction. But I can't leave. He's too cool. He's awesome.

I go on, have graduated and get a good job. I finally kick him out. By then I'm relying on alcohol to cover the pain. The will today be the day his dealer kills us. The will today be the day

Waterfalls2014

I think I hit send on accident.

The day he's found dead.

So daughter gets older and wants to get to know dad better. She's mom jr. Loves the fast life. Leaves home for dads party life.

Well dad gets murdered in 2012 from a bad drug deal.

I'm an alcoholic, now daughters an heroin addict.

This is real.

So yes the ship, it's sinking. Big time.

lillamy

Exactly! In addition -- it's not your job to fix the holes.

I took one of my kids to the psychiatrist yesterday, and he said that the hardest and most difficult thing for us humans (of a certain codependent persuasion) to do is realize when we are in over our heads. And realizing when something is not our "thing" to take responsibility for. And that it's OK to not be able to fix everything. That the only thing we are really responsible for is ourselves, and being humble enough to ask for help when that gets too overwhelming.