My husband says I am obsessive

Old 07-27-2004, 08:08 AM
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My husband says I am obsessive

Our fighting has become much less………I am very thankful for that…….I am trying very hard to try an keep the focus on myself………How hard it that………WOW!!!! A lot harder then imagined…….I am coming to terms with a lot of things………about myself……I am realizing things…… I obsessive.....

When I get something that peaks my interest…….I study it……I think about it alot….I research it…..but that is because I have found that I am not alone…….I realize how much I need to learn and I cant do it by not doing anything…… if that is obsessive, sorry……I am getting my work done……I don’t go on line after work and when at home and I never go on it on the weekends……How do I know if I am obsessive…..and how do I draw the line?????? or is this just another stumbling block trying to interfere with my recovery......He says I am obsessive, he doesnt like me going to the library and getting self help booksHe doesn’t want me going anymore……he says that it hurts his feelings when I bring these books home to read… is like rubbing it in his face……….(that is not my intention)…..he hated it when I was going to, he said when I came home from work, he could tell I was on there site that day and he said it put me in a depressed mood, he said it wasn’t good for me………..then I found Sober Recovery……..this site has helped me tremendously……most of the time I feel good about what I read, because it helps me to understand a lot of things………the experience of the moderators……just blow me away……there understanding, compassion and honesty and there experiences…….have helped me through and is still helping me through one of the hardest things in my life………there has been a couple of posts replying back that may have hurt my feelings……..but it was telling me like it was and exactly what I needed to hear…(didn’t think so at the time) but I am very thankful for the honesty…….. I think he is worrying to much about what I am doing lately……..

Do you ever get to a point…….where you are questioning your recovery???????? Like wow this whole thing is a bunch of BS…….and you are working on yourself……..and you are not the alcoholic……and you are not the one who cheated…..and who was abusive……why the hell am I trying so hard………………..

Well, putting up with my AH for so long…….it shows me how strong I am but a different strength a strength that I don’t like………a strength that is punishing to myself……..and how weak I am, weak in the areas I should be strong in……If I put as much strength in being good to myself as I was bad to myself, just think what I could conquer......I have spent way to much time questioning my every thought, depending on someone else to make the decisions in social events because I was too shy or embarrassed about giving my ideas or opinions……I have spent to much time feeling sorry for myself, and wallowing in self pity……and thinking I have had it so bad……..

I want some self motivated Ideas…….something to make me feel good about me……I want to wake up every morning and be thankful…..and happy…………I am thankful I woke up this morning……..I am thankful that I have running water for my shower…..I am thankful I have a job to go to…..I am thankful I have the car to take me there……there are so many things that I have taken for granted……..I am practicing this for now……(I kinda really feel like I am stupid and going crazy, when I look in the mirror and tell myself that I love me and be good to me) I am questioning so much ladies I feel like I am freaking out………I am wonder if I could be that naïve…….If I would be one of those people you hear about on t.v……..BREEC from REDFORD MI was involved in this group that has brainwashed………bla, bla, bla……….
Old 07-27-2004, 09:05 AM
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First of all, your husband is threatened by your recovery, plain and simple. The more knowledge and awareness you have, the more it scares him. You're rocking the boat and he doesn't like it one bit!

You don't sound like you're obsessed to me at all. I love reading your posts. You are starting to ask all the right questions and have an awareness and understanding of yourself that is so amazing and honest. You are growing and changing.

I remember early on reaching a point where I was tired of working on my recovery, tired of focusing on me, so I stopped. And it didn't take long for me to backslide. Now I'm grateful for trudging on. No matter how hard it is, I can look back and see the progress. You should be able to too.

Listen to your heart and keep doing what you feel is best for you.

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Old 07-27-2004, 10:46 AM
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JG is right. He's threatened and it's unlikely that he'll be supportive of your efforts to help yourself.

I remember a point early in my recovery where I nearly had a breakdown (maybe I did). I started crying and couldn't stop. I stomped around the house talking to myself and bawling. Luckily, no one else was home. I was mad, sad, confused, scared - every emotion you could name.

I got it out. I then had two choices - go backward or trudge forward. I decided to go forward and haven't looked back since.

Sometimes when you begin to really see things, it is scary and hard. But it is better than pretending.

You're right where you're supposed to be Breec. Don't give up.
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Old 07-27-2004, 10:58 AM
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you guys are great......thank you It feels so good to tell people be completly honest for the first time....and not be judged.....
Old 07-27-2004, 11:16 AM
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Aren't we all a little obsessive compulsive to a degree? In fact I can think of worse things to be obsessive about. At least this is beneficial to us and not harmful. I question mine alot, it's a daily thing actually, all we can do is go on, keep trying to make ourselves better. Some days it's as simple as breathing, putting one foot in front of the other or just getting out of bed. If I can do that, I feel like I have made progress. Sometimes I think I try too hard, I want it all so much and am impatient to get it. It's hard for me to comprehend that recovery is a long and ongoing process. Hang in there, Teggie
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Old 07-27-2004, 11:44 AM
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Teggie - I agree. In this "quick fix", "take a pill" world I think we all have moments where we get overwhelmed at the thought of a lifelong life change. That's why the words - "one day at a time" ring so true.

breec -I kind of go down the same road you do. Once I gt involved I research to the max - and with the internet available, it's so much easier to do. I don't think a healthy interest is an obsession unless you are concentrating it and letting everything else go (which I don't think you are doing).

Hang tight!

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Old 07-27-2004, 12:27 PM
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I am really working hard on recovery, I know that i am going to have lots of ups and time goes by I am hoping to have alot less downs......and I know what is helping me........this site and lots of research..and marriage counseling (?) I think i have said before I think I am smarter then my If it doesnt work out this week....I am not going to waste my co-pay anymore.......this whole thing about starting over with a new counselor makes me sick.....I do not have the energy to start over with a new counselor.....I am going to continue to go to church.....and keep praying and keep focusing on me getting better.......
Old 07-27-2004, 12:33 PM
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breec - you may feel differently about another counselor down the road, but it sounds like a good idea to part ways with this one - seems very unprofessional & ignorant.

I would welcome the chance to go to a counselor together, but that hasn't been an option so far. I may just get myself to one - just need to ease into my responsibilities to myself slowly.

hugs & prayers to you

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Old 07-27-2004, 12:52 PM
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I am obsessive, but that doesn't have anything to do with recovery. It's part of what I am trying to recover from!LOL! Finding balance in my life is a recovery goal I have. I won't ever have all my ducks in a row at the same time, but they're getting closer. Just remember that you can't fix your husband. I thought that just meant the drinking part, but it means the emotional, physical, and mental parts too. What he is asking you to do is make him feel ok by taking the focus off of you. It won't work, and you will be giving up something that is helping you. It's the choice we all have to make on a daily basis. I know where they are coming from, because I tried for years to make others responsible for my happiness. I didn't understand, and I can't expect them to understand until they are ready. It's not his fault, but that doesn't make it yours either. Keep doing what you need to do for you. You will be much better off for it. Hugs, Magic
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Old 08-16-2004, 11:37 AM
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As an addict I have, and so have many of my peers, called our spouses COMPULSIVE, INSANE, OBSESSIVE, PARANOID, DELUSIONAL, etc.

I did not get it, until I was the coaddict for an addict.

One time EMS came out, and said about my girlfriend, and addicts in general, who can you tell when an addivt is lying?

Their lips are moving.

Sad but true.

It is not you, but you must take care of you.
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