Pia

So STBXAH got a message to me to please please please talk to him he has to talk to me about something serious. I have been going NC.

I agreed to meet him at a public location he hesitated and wants to come to the house. He said it is soooo important. I then told him if he wanted to talk we could be at X location at 7pm.

The only reason I agreed was thinking maybe just maybe he is ready to get the divorce on the road or I could persuade him I would help if he does X for me.

Now I am thinking what have I done !!!! I don't care to look at his face or even hear anything he got himself into.

I look at his blocked messages and geesh he has been a busy boy texting at all kinds of times and hours. Glad he has been NC

Any advice?

maia1234

If you told him you would meet him, follow with what you said. Meet and see what he has to say. Maybe you can get something productive out of him, but maybe you won't. I know NC works well for your serenity.

Not sure how you can move forward if he won't cooperate to get the divorce. Stay calm and leave if he is drunk or abusive. Believe in yourself that you can make the right choices.

Good Luck!!

lillamy

Why are you going?

Ask yourself that. I did something similar and when asked that question, my honest answer was "because I feel like I owe him that." When I said it, I realized I didn't owe him jack. So I texted him and told him I wasn't coming.

If he wants to get the divorce on the road, all he has to do is sign the papers, right? There's no reason for him to meet you. I wouldn't go, but you have to know that that's me with my history where even checking my e-mail gives me anxiety because I am so afraid to even hear from him...

Sikofit

Has he done this before, asked "please please please" that he needs to talk to you about something serious? I guess you'll know at 7pm if it's really something he needed to see you about. And then you'll know whether or not to believe him in the future.

I thought you could get a divorce without him agreeing?

hopeful4

I would go and see what he has to say. If you can move together towards divorce that is a lot easier than one person fighting it, which can drag it on forever.

Keep us updated, stay safe!

Sungrl

I wouldn't give him the time of day. IMO addicts are full of drama and want to suck you back in. If this is about divorcing you can do that through lawyers. This is already causing you stress and you are under no obligation to go. If you said you would. You have the right to change your mind.

And, please,please ,please sounds to me like quack quack quack
No contact means NO contact

Pia

Great feedback everyone.

I dont feel obligated to go at all. I use to push and push for him to finish the divorce then I realized it wasn't going anywhere. Then I stopped and nothing still happened. Now I go back to NC and maybe just maybe he is ready.

I wanted to meet him in a public place so I can just walk away if this is a one way conversation.

Next week it will be 1 year I learned the whole truth of my marriage. Now i realize the only thing keeping us connected was this one signature.

Sungrl

I don't understand why he can't act like a mature adult and tell you the subject matter.

Oh wait. I guess I do. He's an addict.

I'm sticking to my guns on this one. Ask him if this is regarding divorcing. If it is do the public place thing, bring a pen, and be done with it.

Pia

Yea I did that several times it got no where. Also, he has to sign in front of a notary person.

I only thought to meet was thinking if he got himself in a mess and needs help to use that as a bargaining tool.

AnvilheadII

i call here.

i'm not sure how he GOT a message to you, but if it was sooooooo important he would have told you THEN. people don't call you up to meet at mcdonald's to tell you your house is on fire.

then he suggested it be at the house. YOUR house. then you countered, and he hesitated.

this line of you has me wondering about YOUR motives....i'm missing something maybe:

The only reason I agreed was thinking maybe just maybe he is ready to get the divorce on the road or I could persuade him I would help if he does X for me.

why are you waiting for HIM? and why are you offering to HELP HIM?

Pia

Fair enough questions. He went to my mom and pulled at her heart strings.


And I figured if he got him in a financial mess I could say I will help you only if you sign the paper. So yes I did have a motive.

I hope this makes sense.

heartcore

I had been NC with a prior AB for a year when I got a message saying that it was an emergency, very very important, that I needed to contact him immediately.

The only two things I could think of which would warrent this frantic, urgent tone were that maybe one of his relatives (whom I'd liked, especially his parents) had died, or that he had been diagnosed with a horrendus STD which he needed to warn me to get checked. Heart pounding, I called him back.

The urgent, desperate emergency was...

"Do you still have any of my stuff? I don't remember what I had before, so I don't know if you sent it all to me..."

Tah-dah!

My advice is to cancel the meeting, and tell him that if it is important, he can tell you on the phone. If it turns out to be trivial, or an emergency which applies to him and not you, I'd tell him that this doesn't qualify as an emergency and you are returning to NC. Negotiating the divorce signature around getting re-involved in his drama in any way is an open door. And you shouldn't have to "pay" for the divorce signature by helping him out of a financial bind, although I understand why that sounds easier.

hopeful4

Radiant.....did you go? What happened??

FireSprite

This was my first thought as well - when things are REALLY important, people talk & they don't balk at the arrangements for where/when/how the meeting will take place.

BUT I also understand needing to get the divorce proceedings underway too... I hope everything went well!

Shellcrusher

Important to you?
Important to them?

I've been asking myself these questions lately. Specially when something seems questionable.

NYCDoglvr

Send a text and say something came up. Haven't you already had enough grief? You owe him nothing.

Pia

We meet up. He did have something to tell me that did affect me financially so I am glad I did go.

Second- He wants to come home and now sees the light . He wants to come home and undo all the wrongs

As he began his speech I told him NO and I am happier now and that was it.

I felt like I was in a movie where the girl was walking away knowing she made the right decision.

There was no maybe in my mind, no what if, it was simply NO. It was really surreal. I don't even know how to properly describe it.

Thumper

Burning light of self awareness, self care, and self determination works as a description for me.

It's nice that you got to feel that sense of closure. It makes the meeting totally worth it.

BrokenInPieces

Wow! I can only imagine what that must have felt like to stand there with strength and confidence and conviction - and say "no". You. are. awesome.

and here's a ((hug)).... just in case you need one.

Pia

Thank you everyone.!!!!!!!!!