AW1111

So my last post (which happened to be my first) I was asking to get support and advice about asking my AH to leave our home for a while because he was struggling with multiple lapses almost immediately after discontinuing his IOP program after his counselor was fired. I was to the point where I was so over it, frustrated and just emotionally done. He had called me after work and told me he was going to go to an AA meeting before I was able to discuss anything with him....he ended up coming home extremely intoxicated. I called my step-dad (his boss) and asked if he could come get him because I was terrified he would wake our daughter up who was getting over being very ill. He left, and stayed the night away.

The next morning I got the news...

My husband decided he wanted to go to an inpatient residential treatment program. Something I never thought was even an option, let alone the new plan. He said he is terrified for his health, safety, and the thought of loosing his family or job. He told me he is so sorry and feels sick for everything he has put me and the baby through and he needed help.

He left yesterday night and is currently at a detox center for 7 days, then will be transported directly to treatment for a min of 30 days but maybe longer. I have so many emotions going through my head right now.

I was able to speak with him on the phone briefly today and he sounded drained! He had a very positive outlook on things...almost relieved he was getting help. I could tell the guilt and shame were already setting in.

I know now is the time to regain control of my own life/sanity. These next few months are going to be so weird without him. I am planning on continuing my Alanon support group, and just take a break! I feel like I was so wrapped up in his addiction for so long I lost any serenity in my own life.

Has anyone else gone through this? I love my Husband so much and am so proud of him! I have so many overwhelming questions and emotions that I have done nothing but cry today!!! I am scared lol.

killerinstinct

I am so glad he is, you're one of the lucky ones, one of the ones who's husband loved his family enough to not blame them and hurt them and do something about his situation. I think your husband knows he is lucky to have such a loving family.. And his life's probably flashed before his eyes to make this decisions.. If only my family were this lucky. How are you feeling happy? Sad? Frustrated?

AW1111

Scared and numb...almost in shock maybe? This whole situation feels unreal. It all happened so fast I haven't really been able to process it.

I am scared for him. He kept telling me on the phone it's time to face his fears and problem and deal with them head on, and for me to please hang in there and take care of myself. He promised he will come out a stronger person and just kept thanking me over and over for sticking by his side. My Husband had a pretty traumatic childhood and I know talking or thinking about it is a huge trigger for his drinking. I got the sense he is accepting he needs help figuring out how to stay sober. He is my best friend (has been since we were 14 years old) and I can't help but hurt knowing he will hurt when he realizes the damage he has caused. But he seems very positive...miserable from detox, but focused.

I am so relieved and happy that he will get the chance to focus on him right now. I just can't stop crying...It feels very unreal to me.

killerinstinct

Hang in there and be gentle with yourself okay... Now you get a tiny bit of respite to focus on you and your bub.. Sleep.. Get fresh air and give back to yourself.. We are all here for you... And am So happy he is facing his fears with a loving wife by his side .. You're very caring

NWGRITS

He will hurt, yes. Your side of the street is dealing with your hurt and knowing how you'll handle things going forward. Maybe one day all that hurt will turn to forgiveness, whether or not he keeps his side clean. There's no timeline on any of this, of course. You sound positive in your posts. Scared, but positive and realistic. Hopefully this works and he works it and everything turns out ok in end. I'm rooting for you!

AW1111

Thank you...I read these posts last night right before I fell asleep, and I needed to hear your kind words more than you can imagine!

I am just trying to be realistic about the whole situation. I'm sure you guys can relate with the small feeling of hope, and being let down 1000 times. That is just something I need to work on to be ok with whatever the outcome will be...

Has anyone had experience with a love one that has gone through residential treatment? How were they when they were out? It sounds like an amazing program, and this facility is duel diagnosis so he will hopefully be able to get his depression under control as well.

Hammer

I can tell you from the Family Side of things . . . where you are now . . . we were TOTALLY unprepared for what came home.

At least since the site he is going to they are likely to treat this as Dual Diagnosis, that is a Very Good thing. Do they also have from Family Support for you? I now help do the Alanon portion for Family Weekend at a local Rehab due in part to our bad experience.

The A has everything they need . . . treatment, usually a Therapist, a Sponsor, a Program. It is US we have to make sure is covered -- especially for the kids.

AW1111

Hammer- what came home?! Lol. Good, bad? I just want to stay realistic- I know this will not fix all of the problems, and I know he will only get out of it what he puts in. They do have a family weekend at this facility also...is that a common thing?

AnvilheadII

try to take it day by day, don't future trip too much. and try NOT to feel his feelings FOR him. feel your own. if he uncovers hurts, they are HIS hurts. you have your own.

this is a very good first step. he demonstrated willingness and got himself to detox. those are measurable ACTIONS.

rehab is a helpful start....like coaxing seeds to sprout. but you can't pluck an apple off a sprouted apple seed.

Hammer

Good facilities have Family Weekend and work things out so the families can be there. For example, at the Local one I help at -- it is every other weekend across a 28 or 30 day treatment window, so there are two opportunities for family. GO. Did I say that clearly?

GO.


What came home -- for us? Dysregulated Mental Illness.

She had been using (very effectively, it turned out) the various Addictions to keep the Mental Illness in check. All the Rehab said after 3 weeks was that they were sending her home, they were telling her that she was OK, but that she was not OK, and to make sure she went into Therapy.

They took away the Addiction (Eating Disorder at the time) but left the Mental Illness.

But from the time just about off the plane to the way home . . . just crazy, crazy, crazy. Persona Flips, the "voices" as my daughter called them. Hundreds of nutty lies about things that never happened. Just on and off bonkers.

Almost two years later, and about 20 months of Therapy and she is still not really glued back together.

for TMI . . . .

===================

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-me-well.html


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-thread.html

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BUT THAT does not have to, nor should be YOUR Story. Get YOUR help all lined up and have YOUR stuff all good and things will go better for you.

Okay?

Maybe if I cannot be a Good Example, perhaps I can be a Cautionary Tale.

AW1111

Thank you, and I am so sorry to hear about your experience. I pray things get easier for you and your family.

I will definitely be attending, educating, and participating in anything the facility allows me to.

My husband had 30 days sober, then slipped a week after he discontinued iop, then sober 1 week, then slipped again- leading us to the current situation. My hope is the time away to solely focus on him and learn the tools he needs will be beneficial. I hope they are also able to get his depression in check with the correct medications since they are a dual diagnosis facility.

BlueChair

Yay for both of you !!

My husband was in residential last year for 90 days. I was scared too, and maybe I can explain like saying I felt all this weight was out on this treatment, and what if it didn’t work, or he left, he came out weird, someone I didn’t know. I had SO many different feelings, but its something you do have to take day by day and probably the feelings will change almost day by day. I loved the rehab we found, they were really supportive, taught me so much and got me into counseling., and they had us participate a lot together. Sometimes I hear people shun this idea but if the rehab encourages it, please consider following what they say. It’s a year later and we still go twice a month for family counseling, but only because its been such a good experience and we enjoy it.

I don’t want you to future trip either, but will say some times were good in there for my husband, and other times were rough. He had medical problems to deal with as depression and anxiety. A lot of psychological issues to work on in counseling sessions, and of course all this caused different moods. Also its no fun to be away from home and with strangers 24/7, even if he was doing it to get well parts of it still sucked. He was in a nice place too, but its still not home so I tried to be understanding of this. He wasnt there to be punished, he was there to be safe while he got treatment, so he could come home and be well and live normally again.

I did go visit a lot, talked to his doctors often because he authorized it. I have some good memories there which may seem strange, but its true !
Let him have his feelings too and don’t try to decipher what it all means point by point because its really all about change and growth.

He did come home at 30 days and wasnt too stable. He relapsed with some stuff he found at home, and of course I knew nothing but they caught it with a test when he signed back in. he knew they would too. I flipped out a little, and they led me to the counselors office once again. I know now these things are normal and can be part of recovery. If things like this happen, dont panic all is not lost, not as long as he is still getting help. They got him through it !

I was prepared when he came home because of the rehab, I didn’t do any outside programs or groups. Just counseling through them, and tried to live normal life with the help of my family and friends. He wasn’t all different, its been an emotional journey for both of us, but we are doing good now because of sticking with the plans, and sticking with each other too. He’s still my very best friend.

Im excited for you, but I wish I could give you a great big hug too. Fingers crossed you get a great outcome. There was someone else recently had their spouse go into treatment for dual diagnosis, posted a few days ago. I gathered a few people last year going through it and we had a small daily check in type thread, it was helpful for a while. if you ever want to chat you can pm me anytime too.

((HUGS))

AW1111

Thank you Blue Chair...everything you described is exactly how I am feeling right now. My husband is my best friend too (has been sense we were 14!) I have found that makes it so much harder with setting boundaries because we have always leaned on each other when either of us were going through a hard time. Even before we dated, yet alone married! I have always been his shoulder to cry on when he screwed up, but now that this is affecting me and our child directly I have to set boundaries. I might definitely take you up on the pm! And if anyone else is going through this, I would love to take Blue chairs suggestion and start a daily group. I am lonely and have way too many emotions to keep bottled inside!!

Bamawife

My AH has been gone since September 29. He was in detox for over a week and now on day 5 of inpatient rehab that is also a dual diagnosis facility. My AH suffers from PTSD, anxiety and depression so him going to the dual diagnosis facility made me very happy. I share some of the same feelings as you. However, I am trying extremely hard to concentrate on "me". I am attending al anon, currently reading Codependent No More and waiting for some other literature I ordered to come in the mail. I realize there is anxiety for many reasons but with support from the people here at SR and other people, it will get better each day. Take this time to work on YOU because he has plenty of people helping him. My HP is God and I have had more conversations with Him lately than ever. Be still and listen. If you need to chat, I am here for you!

AW1111

Bamawife- I think I am going to start a new thread for people who are experiencing someone currently in an inpatient/detox facility so we can support and lean on each other right now. Please join!!! I think it would be good for us right now