The Lovely Porn Video I Found On My Computer
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Dallas,TX
Posts: 39
In reading through these posts...some "bells" starting going off...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=36245
that was my first post on here...
well, I found my role..I guess there was some reason for me to read the posts on here..
Sex and Love Addiction
A distinction has been made between sex addiction and what is referred to as sex and love addiction. The latter has to do with an addictive pattern of establishing love relationships with specific people, where the person and the relationship, as well as sex with the person, are all part of the appeal to the addict. While these same elements are normal in a healthy love relationship, sex and love addicts can never find fulfillment and permanence in any of the love relationships they begin. They keep seeking satisfaction in another relationship but find it empty, demanding or anxiety-provoking instead.
Sex and love addicts may have several love relationships with different people going on at the same time or they may pass serially from one to the next, leaving each when the initial "love high" wears off. Or they may have a major love relationship, such as a marriage, complete with home, children and other signs of permanence, but keep returning periodically to one or more former relationships or create secret relationships with new people.
Sex addiction, by contrast, usually is a preoccupation with sexual arousal and sexual release which often has little to do with who the person is and requires no relationship. On the contrary, to the sex addict, what counts is the charge he or she gets from the image, whether it's a stranger spotted in a car or on a street corner, or stimulating body parts, an erotic picture, or the addict's own fantasy.
Then there are many who exhibit the characteristics of both a sex addict and a sex and love addict. Regardless of how it manifests, however, the addiction progresses in much the same way, always leaving a trail of problems and losses. And, by the same token, the solution to whatever form the addiction takes, the work to be done to change the behavior, is quite similar.
this explains our "dance"..so well...and I see how my co-dependant characteristics...played into this..I have so many mixed emotions...I am feeling all the emotions..of one that has been used...there was just another layer to this...I didn't see....
I am HURT...I am SAD...I am ANGRY....I am SAD...SAD...SAD....
I didn't know.....here's a link...that may help the partners of sex addicts...it explained a lot to me....
http://www.sexaddictionhelp.com/part...haracteristics
I know this is a long post..I need some support on this one..please help me...I feel lost right now...
talia
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=36245
that was my first post on here...
well, I found my role..I guess there was some reason for me to read the posts on here..
Sex and Love Addiction
A distinction has been made between sex addiction and what is referred to as sex and love addiction. The latter has to do with an addictive pattern of establishing love relationships with specific people, where the person and the relationship, as well as sex with the person, are all part of the appeal to the addict. While these same elements are normal in a healthy love relationship, sex and love addicts can never find fulfillment and permanence in any of the love relationships they begin. They keep seeking satisfaction in another relationship but find it empty, demanding or anxiety-provoking instead.
Sex and love addicts may have several love relationships with different people going on at the same time or they may pass serially from one to the next, leaving each when the initial "love high" wears off. Or they may have a major love relationship, such as a marriage, complete with home, children and other signs of permanence, but keep returning periodically to one or more former relationships or create secret relationships with new people.
Sex addiction, by contrast, usually is a preoccupation with sexual arousal and sexual release which often has little to do with who the person is and requires no relationship. On the contrary, to the sex addict, what counts is the charge he or she gets from the image, whether it's a stranger spotted in a car or on a street corner, or stimulating body parts, an erotic picture, or the addict's own fantasy.
Then there are many who exhibit the characteristics of both a sex addict and a sex and love addict. Regardless of how it manifests, however, the addiction progresses in much the same way, always leaving a trail of problems and losses. And, by the same token, the solution to whatever form the addiction takes, the work to be done to change the behavior, is quite similar.
this explains our "dance"..so well...and I see how my co-dependant characteristics...played into this..I have so many mixed emotions...I am feeling all the emotions..of one that has been used...there was just another layer to this...I didn't see....
I am HURT...I am SAD...I am ANGRY....I am SAD...SAD...SAD....
I didn't know.....here's a link...that may help the partners of sex addicts...it explained a lot to me....
http://www.sexaddictionhelp.com/part...haracteristics
I know this is a long post..I need some support on this one..please help me...I feel lost right now...
talia
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 47
(((Talia))) Hugs to you in your struggle. As the thread starter and wife of a sexaholic, I completely understand all your feelings of anger, hurt, and sadness. I can relate to these feelings too well.
I think that sex addiction is so difficult to talk about and so isolating. How could I ever share how vulnerable, unattractive, and miserable I felt with anyone else? Who could ever understand?
The good thing is that I found this board, the serenity place group, and my S-Anon meeting (the last, thanks to njriverman). I'm allowed to vent and share and have come to realize that I am not alone.
The answers you seek as to the whys of your partner's behavior will never be adequately satisfying of your desire to understand. I always have a need to understand everything in my environment. I questioned my SAH husband myriad times with a million "whys." He never had any answers that made sense. Finally I have started to see that with my husband, there were no answers other than he's got an addiction that makes him act counter to logic or reason. I've had to accept this. And then I move to focusing on myself.
I too have issues of fear of abandonment and worries about my lovability. But those are my issues that I must work on. I am doing this in S-Anon and in my journaling. It really helps.
I know that others have said it but it is so difficult to accept, if you keep the focus on you, you will not only survive, but thrive. However, if you keep going back to the "whys" of the addict's behavior, you'll continue to drive yourself round the bend because there are no good answers. It is a sickness, pure and simple.
Please keep posting.
I think that sex addiction is so difficult to talk about and so isolating. How could I ever share how vulnerable, unattractive, and miserable I felt with anyone else? Who could ever understand?
The good thing is that I found this board, the serenity place group, and my S-Anon meeting (the last, thanks to njriverman). I'm allowed to vent and share and have come to realize that I am not alone.
The answers you seek as to the whys of your partner's behavior will never be adequately satisfying of your desire to understand. I always have a need to understand everything in my environment. I questioned my SAH husband myriad times with a million "whys." He never had any answers that made sense. Finally I have started to see that with my husband, there were no answers other than he's got an addiction that makes him act counter to logic or reason. I've had to accept this. And then I move to focusing on myself.
I too have issues of fear of abandonment and worries about my lovability. But those are my issues that I must work on. I am doing this in S-Anon and in my journaling. It really helps.
I know that others have said it but it is so difficult to accept, if you keep the focus on you, you will not only survive, but thrive. However, if you keep going back to the "whys" of the addict's behavior, you'll continue to drive yourself round the bend because there are no good answers. It is a sickness, pure and simple.
Please keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 62
Thanks Talia for the Texas website source...
Here is another source for recovery counseling... this one is in Philadelphia suburbs...
they have counseling for sex/love addicts, partners and couples...
Here is some of What STAR in Wynnewood says about sex and love addict's partners.....
Partners of sex addicts are often deeply affected by the disease. In particular, partners struggle with feelings of betrayal, loss and anger and often become isolated from others. The focus of this group is on the impact of the addiction on the partner and offers a structured and safe environment where participants can share and receive the support of others.
Coping patterns that often unknowingly allowed the addiction to thrive are addressed. Attention is drawn away from the addict and the crises of the partnership and onto healing for the coaddict. Treatment encourages self-awareness and explores the impact of family of origin issues on the partner and the partnership. Establishing and maintaining support networks, including attendance at Twelve Step meetings is expected.
http://www.starhealing.org/programs.html#Anchor5
Here is another source for recovery counseling... this one is in Philadelphia suburbs...
they have counseling for sex/love addicts, partners and couples...
Here is some of What STAR in Wynnewood says about sex and love addict's partners.....
Partners of sex addicts are often deeply affected by the disease. In particular, partners struggle with feelings of betrayal, loss and anger and often become isolated from others. The focus of this group is on the impact of the addiction on the partner and offers a structured and safe environment where participants can share and receive the support of others.
Coping patterns that often unknowingly allowed the addiction to thrive are addressed. Attention is drawn away from the addict and the crises of the partnership and onto healing for the coaddict. Treatment encourages self-awareness and explores the impact of family of origin issues on the partner and the partnership. Establishing and maintaining support networks, including attendance at Twelve Step meetings is expected.
http://www.starhealing.org/programs.html#Anchor5
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Dallas,TX
Posts: 39
I wanted to say THANK-YOU
to teendoc..for starting this thread..and for acknowledging me and my feelings..and for sharing your own experiences...and for the advice to focus on myself...
to njriverman..for reading my post....and for the info....
to teendoc..for starting this thread..and for acknowledging me and my feelings..and for sharing your own experiences...and for the advice to focus on myself...
to njriverman..for reading my post....and for the info....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario, CANADA
Posts: 26
Am so glad to see people talking about sex addiction - I have gone to S-Anon for years and it only now seems like sex addiction is coming to the forefront and is being talked about. That can only lead to greater healing. For anyone in Canada there are lots of recovery groups available to you...SA , SLAA for addicts and S-Anon for partners
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 56
porn is an addiction/topless bars are an addiction
diva here.
tee i am totally by your side. Majority rules here. if you feel it is inappropriate then honor those feelings. I was married to a heroine addict and at the same time video sex porn addict (back then dvd's were not avx yet). he could not perform sexually with me so he resorted to porn videos. I'd come home, knowing that i wanted to try and conceive and the porn video was left in the vcr...go figure, one time i found him in the act. in retrospect it was really funny..FUNNY FOR ME...that i allowed him to bend me out of shape.. i felt totally insecure and unattractive..other women calling my house and hanging up and on top of that I had the drug dealer ringing my doorbell at midnite! ha! Results: I filed for divorce, got the heck away and one year later he WANTED ME BACK. and i REPLIED: HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!
It sounds to me like birddog needs a little attention. perhaps something is lacking in his life. take care of you birddog. TEEN take care of yourself. we are here to support you. Porn is an addiction....no matter which way you look at it and a way to make money to those who produce it. if you and hubby were looking at it at the same time that's one thing..but he does it behind closed doors...not appropriate...its'a disease..and the symbol of a deeper rooted issue...
tee i am totally by your side. Majority rules here. if you feel it is inappropriate then honor those feelings. I was married to a heroine addict and at the same time video sex porn addict (back then dvd's were not avx yet). he could not perform sexually with me so he resorted to porn videos. I'd come home, knowing that i wanted to try and conceive and the porn video was left in the vcr...go figure, one time i found him in the act. in retrospect it was really funny..FUNNY FOR ME...that i allowed him to bend me out of shape.. i felt totally insecure and unattractive..other women calling my house and hanging up and on top of that I had the drug dealer ringing my doorbell at midnite! ha! Results: I filed for divorce, got the heck away and one year later he WANTED ME BACK. and i REPLIED: HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!
It sounds to me like birddog needs a little attention. perhaps something is lacking in his life. take care of you birddog. TEEN take care of yourself. we are here to support you. Porn is an addiction....no matter which way you look at it and a way to make money to those who produce it. if you and hubby were looking at it at the same time that's one thing..but he does it behind closed doors...not appropriate...its'a disease..and the symbol of a deeper rooted issue...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 47
Talia: no thanks are necessary. Just know that you are not alone in what you are going through.
Hopeforme & Diva: Thanks for sharing your ESH with me. I am doing so much better since I began attending meetings and focusing on myself.
Magichappens: Even though I had been planning all week to watch the 20/20, I forgot to set the VCR as I was still at my Al-Anon meeting when it began.
Did anyone see it?
Hopeforme & Diva: Thanks for sharing your ESH with me. I am doing so much better since I began attending meetings and focusing on myself.
Magichappens: Even though I had been planning all week to watch the 20/20, I forgot to set the VCR as I was still at my Al-Anon meeting when it began.
Did anyone see it?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 47
Hi Friends,
I hope that everyone is will this Friday evening.
I wanted to share that my SAH and I started a 10 week treatment program for sex addicts and their partners last night. The STAR program is a weekly lecture and group therapy program to educate and treat people like us.
It was difficult to be there learning more about the condition. The more I learn, the angrier I get, both at my SAH and at myself for getting into this mess in the first place. I just never knew how deep these sexual issues ran with my husband. Now that I know, I almost don't wanna know. :suspect:
Interestingly, many of the sex addicts who were there without their partners said how much they wished their wives were there with them. I was surprised by this. I thought they would have preferred to go through their therapy without the gaze of their nearby wives as they shared their behaviors. (And believe me, I was gazing hard at Mason). They gave kudos for those of us who were there to support their sex addict partner and to preserve their relationships. Fascinating.
I'll work on keeping my head together during the sessions. Next week the addicts and partners will split into different groups after the lecture. That will be helpful because I just felt flooded after listening to some of the addicts share. I had to remind myself again and again that this addiction is a disease. These are not depraved people. And what is really fascinating about this is that I'm not one to jump out with labels of good or bad, depraved or normal. Yet somehow with this issue, I find myself jumping to such labels rather readily. Something else for me to work on, I guess.
It is going to be a bumpy 10 weeks, I can tell. Wish me strength!
I hope that everyone is will this Friday evening.
I wanted to share that my SAH and I started a 10 week treatment program for sex addicts and their partners last night. The STAR program is a weekly lecture and group therapy program to educate and treat people like us.
It was difficult to be there learning more about the condition. The more I learn, the angrier I get, both at my SAH and at myself for getting into this mess in the first place. I just never knew how deep these sexual issues ran with my husband. Now that I know, I almost don't wanna know. :suspect:
Interestingly, many of the sex addicts who were there without their partners said how much they wished their wives were there with them. I was surprised by this. I thought they would have preferred to go through their therapy without the gaze of their nearby wives as they shared their behaviors. (And believe me, I was gazing hard at Mason). They gave kudos for those of us who were there to support their sex addict partner and to preserve their relationships. Fascinating.
I'll work on keeping my head together during the sessions. Next week the addicts and partners will split into different groups after the lecture. That will be helpful because I just felt flooded after listening to some of the addicts share. I had to remind myself again and again that this addiction is a disease. These are not depraved people. And what is really fascinating about this is that I'm not one to jump out with labels of good or bad, depraved or normal. Yet somehow with this issue, I find myself jumping to such labels rather readily. Something else for me to work on, I guess.
It is going to be a bumpy 10 weeks, I can tell. Wish me strength!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Dallas,TX
Posts: 39
teendoc...
I see you as a person with incredible strength...just by reading your posts...
your commitment to yourself..and your husband is admirable...
I am glad for you that your husband is seeking help...and that you are doing this together..
take care...
talia
I see you as a person with incredible strength...just by reading your posts...
your commitment to yourself..and your husband is admirable...
I am glad for you that your husband is seeking help...and that you are doing this together..
take care...
talia
Lisa
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 120
Not to defend something that obviously bothers you a lot, but have you ever considered reading erotica? In a way it's like porn for women, and I honestly never considered it as a form of betreyal because it's just an outlet for fantasies. Do you believe masturbation period is wrong or just the porn? Not too gross anyone out or anything, but if you aren't hurting yourself or anyone else it can actually be healthy to have a fantasy now and then. Woman tend to be more mental and men more visual, hence why we usually have cheesy sleasy romance novels while men prefer porn. Now if it's an addiction that he's spending all his time and money on of course it's unhealthy, but on the other hand if you spend all your time and money at McDonald's that would also be unhealthy. Anything taken to excess can be dangerous to you either mentally or physically. But if this is something that's done in moderation you may want to consider picking your battles...I mean, be honest, have you never read something in a book or saw a scene in a movie that turned you on?
Lisa
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 120
Ok, I'm probably gonna get in a lot of trouble for saying this, but is having a high sex drive honestly a disease? Isn't it just a natural human instinct? I don't know a lot about it, but I know I have a pretty high sex drive myself and still remain monogomous. I go through a lot of batteries, but I don't sleep around...lol. How is that bad? I either have sex or masturbate 3 or 4 times a day...but I don't consider myself addicted. Happy, but not addicted. So what makes a sex addict...someone with an above average sex drive? Or someone who doesn't control what they do with this sex drive? In that case, wouldn't masturbation and porn actually be recommended?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 47
Lisa please. I'm no prude. In fact I used to write erotica for Playgirl during my lean college/med school days. I am sick of people coming into this thread and acting as if I am some vestal virginal type who is denying her husband a look at the playboy channel. 
I get so very tired of people equating sexual addiction with someone who enjoys reading erotica. Thats like equating a serious alcoholic with a person who drinks a glass of wine twice a month. The difference is in the concept of addiction.
Dr. Patrick Carnes had written much on the disease of sex addiction. He has screening tests on his website: www.sexhelp.com
Here is the sexual addiction screening test for heterosexual men:
Here is the sexual addiction screening test for women:
If your screening test is negative...wonderful. However my husband's was filled with yes answers, and that makes it a problem for him and for me.
I know it seems like I am unloading on you, but I am so tired of people not recognizing how destructive sexual addiction really is. I've learned the hard way.
I get so very tired of people equating sexual addiction with someone who enjoys reading erotica. Thats like equating a serious alcoholic with a person who drinks a glass of wine twice a month. The difference is in the concept of addiction.Dr. Patrick Carnes had written much on the disease of sex addiction. He has screening tests on his website: www.sexhelp.com
Here is the sexual addiction screening test for heterosexual men:
1. Were you sexually abused as a child or adolescent?
2. Do you regularly purchase romance novels or sexually explicit magazines?
3. Have you stayed in romantic relationships after they become emotionally or physically abusive?
4. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts or romantic day dreams?
5. Do you feel that your sexual behaviour is not normal?
6. Does your spouse (or significant other(s)) ever worry or complain about your sexual behavior?
7. Do you have trouble stopping your sexual behavior when you know it is inappropriate?
8. Do you ever feel bad about your sexual behavior?
9. Has your sexual behavior ever created problems for you and your family?
10. Have you ever sought help for sexual behavior you did not like?
11. Have you ever worried about people finding out about your sexual activities?
12. Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior?
13. Have you ever participated in sexual activity in exchange for money or gifts?
14. Do you have times when you act out sexually followed by periods of celibacy (no sex at all)?
15. Have you made efforts to quit a type of sexual activity and failed?
16. Do you hide some of your sexual behavior from others?
17. Do you find yourself having multiple romantic relationships at the same time?
18. Have you ever felt degraded by your sexual behavior?
19. Has sex or romantic fantasies been a way for you to escape your problems?
20. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?
21. Do you regularly engage in sado-masochistic behavior?
Yes No
22. Has your sexual activity interfered with your family life?
23. Have you been sexual with minors?
24. Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire or fantasies of romance?
25. Do you ever think your sexual desire is stronger than you are?
2. Do you regularly purchase romance novels or sexually explicit magazines?
3. Have you stayed in romantic relationships after they become emotionally or physically abusive?
4. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts or romantic day dreams?
5. Do you feel that your sexual behaviour is not normal?
6. Does your spouse (or significant other(s)) ever worry or complain about your sexual behavior?
7. Do you have trouble stopping your sexual behavior when you know it is inappropriate?
8. Do you ever feel bad about your sexual behavior?
9. Has your sexual behavior ever created problems for you and your family?
10. Have you ever sought help for sexual behavior you did not like?
11. Have you ever worried about people finding out about your sexual activities?
12. Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior?
13. Have you ever participated in sexual activity in exchange for money or gifts?
14. Do you have times when you act out sexually followed by periods of celibacy (no sex at all)?
15. Have you made efforts to quit a type of sexual activity and failed?
16. Do you hide some of your sexual behavior from others?
17. Do you find yourself having multiple romantic relationships at the same time?
18. Have you ever felt degraded by your sexual behavior?
19. Has sex or romantic fantasies been a way for you to escape your problems?
20. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?
21. Do you regularly engage in sado-masochistic behavior?
Yes No
22. Has your sexual activity interfered with your family life?
23. Have you been sexual with minors?
24. Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire or fantasies of romance?
25. Do you ever think your sexual desire is stronger than you are?
1. Were you sexually abused as a child or adolescent?
2. Do you regularly purchase romance novels or sexually explicit magazines?
3. Have you stayed in romantic relationships after they become emotionally or physically abusive?
4. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts or romantic day dreams?
5. Do you feel that your sexual behaviour is not normal?
6. Does your spouse (or significant other(s)) ever worry or complain about your sexual behavior?
7. Do you have trouble stopping your sexual behavior when you know it is inappropriate?
8. Do you ever feel bad about your sexual behavior?
9. Has your sexual behavior ever created problems for you and your family?
10. Have you ever sought help for sexual behavior you did not like?
11. Have you ever worried about people finding out about your sexual activities?
12. Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior?
13. Have you ever participated in sexual activity in exchange for money or gifts?
14. Do you have times when you act out sexually followed by periods of celibacy (no sex at all)?
15. Have you made efforts to quit a type of sexual activity and failed?
16. Do you hide some of your sexual behavior from others?
17. Do you find yourself having multiple romantic relationships at the same time?
18. Have you ever felt degraded by your sexual behavior?
19. Has sex or romantic fantasies been a way for you to escape your problems?
20. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?
21. Do you regularly engage in sado-masochistic behavior?
22. Has your sexual activity interfered with your family life?
23. Have you been sexual with minors?
24. Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire or fantasies of romance?
25. Do you ever think your sexual desire is stronger than you are?
2. Do you regularly purchase romance novels or sexually explicit magazines?
3. Have you stayed in romantic relationships after they become emotionally or physically abusive?
4. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts or romantic day dreams?
5. Do you feel that your sexual behaviour is not normal?
6. Does your spouse (or significant other(s)) ever worry or complain about your sexual behavior?
7. Do you have trouble stopping your sexual behavior when you know it is inappropriate?
8. Do you ever feel bad about your sexual behavior?
9. Has your sexual behavior ever created problems for you and your family?
10. Have you ever sought help for sexual behavior you did not like?
11. Have you ever worried about people finding out about your sexual activities?
12. Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior?
13. Have you ever participated in sexual activity in exchange for money or gifts?
14. Do you have times when you act out sexually followed by periods of celibacy (no sex at all)?
15. Have you made efforts to quit a type of sexual activity and failed?
16. Do you hide some of your sexual behavior from others?
17. Do you find yourself having multiple romantic relationships at the same time?
18. Have you ever felt degraded by your sexual behavior?
19. Has sex or romantic fantasies been a way for you to escape your problems?
20. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?
21. Do you regularly engage in sado-masochistic behavior?
22. Has your sexual activity interfered with your family life?
23. Have you been sexual with minors?
24. Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire or fantasies of romance?
25. Do you ever think your sexual desire is stronger than you are?
I know it seems like I am unloading on you, but I am so tired of people not recognizing how destructive sexual addiction really is. I've learned the hard way.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
((teendoc))
You are such an asset to this forum. Don't get frustrated. People will always have an opinion based on their own experience. Someone is always going to say,"Well why don't you just....." That is with every addiction. We all run into it. That's why we all get our strength from each other. I don't have personal experience with that form of addiction in my family, but I know it is real.
You have helped many who don't have an outlet. Don't let ignorance rain on your parade. Hugs, Magic
You are such an asset to this forum. Don't get frustrated. People will always have an opinion based on their own experience. Someone is always going to say,"Well why don't you just....." That is with every addiction. We all run into it. That's why we all get our strength from each other. I don't have personal experience with that form of addiction in my family, but I know it is real.
You have helped many who don't have an outlet. Don't let ignorance rain on your parade. Hugs, Magic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 47
Magic,
You are right of course. Dealing with this problem is struggle enough. Also it is so incredibly isolating. It is so hard to talk about. And then when you do open up about your struggles, someone comes in and acts as if you are being prudish, rather than seeing how much this addiction has hurt both of us in this marriage.
Yes, I know. Breath and relax. I'm working on it. :amsmiling
Thanks a bunch!
You are right of course. Dealing with this problem is struggle enough. Also it is so incredibly isolating. It is so hard to talk about. And then when you do open up about your struggles, someone comes in and acts as if you are being prudish, rather than seeing how much this addiction has hurt both of us in this marriage.
Yes, I know. Breath and relax. I'm working on it. :amsmiling
Thanks a bunch!
Lisa
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 120
I apologize, teendoc...I didn't realize that I'd come across as accusing you of being prudish, it wasn't my intention. It's a subject that I'm not familiar with and was honestly just curious...I'm sorry for being so insensitve. Hope things get better soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 47
Lisa,
I'm sorry for lashing out, but we've had a number of trolls in this thread who have made light of the entire issue of sexual addiction. I was kinda feeling, "here we go again!"
Sexual addiction isn't about sex or orgasm, it is mostly about using sex (either with someone else or solo) to medicate your pain, strong feelings, and issues of self-esteem, no different than an alcoholic uses alcohol or a drug addict uses the drug of choice.
The Carnes web page has more information if you want to know more.
Thanks for the support.
I'm sorry for lashing out, but we've had a number of trolls in this thread who have made light of the entire issue of sexual addiction. I was kinda feeling, "here we go again!"
Sexual addiction isn't about sex or orgasm, it is mostly about using sex (either with someone else or solo) to medicate your pain, strong feelings, and issues of self-esteem, no different than an alcoholic uses alcohol or a drug addict uses the drug of choice.
The Carnes web page has more information if you want to know more.
Thanks for the support.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((((TD)))))-
I have a good girlfriend that I suspect is a sex addict. She has a very highly respected position in a church. She is very paranoid about everything. She lives with one man and sleeps with another. She is often depressed and several times has had a nervous breakdown. Both of her partners are somewhat abusive with her. She refuses to even think about giving either one of the guys up. I know it makes her life complicated because she has to lie so much of the time. Both guys are using her and I have never seen either one of them treat her with respect. She likes to call me and speak for long periods of time about what she is doing I have litterally had to hang up on her many times because I am too busy to talk and she just keeps talking when I say I have to go. I know she must be in a lot of pain. Every aspect of her life is in ruins. Her house and two cars are an unbelievable mess. I lost my cordless phone in one of her cars almost a year ago and she still has not cleaned out her car to find it. I had to buy a new phone.
She is very afraid of anyone getting mad or upset even if they are butally using her she refuses to say anything and just lets it go on. I care very much about her and I really do know she needs help. She is always borrowing money, and in a constant state of crisis. I wish I could help her but, I know I cannot it is very frustating....
I have a good girlfriend that I suspect is a sex addict. She has a very highly respected position in a church. She is very paranoid about everything. She lives with one man and sleeps with another. She is often depressed and several times has had a nervous breakdown. Both of her partners are somewhat abusive with her. She refuses to even think about giving either one of the guys up. I know it makes her life complicated because she has to lie so much of the time. Both guys are using her and I have never seen either one of them treat her with respect. She likes to call me and speak for long periods of time about what she is doing I have litterally had to hang up on her many times because I am too busy to talk and she just keeps talking when I say I have to go. I know she must be in a lot of pain. Every aspect of her life is in ruins. Her house and two cars are an unbelievable mess. I lost my cordless phone in one of her cars almost a year ago and she still has not cleaned out her car to find it. I had to buy a new phone.
She is very afraid of anyone getting mad or upset even if they are butally using her she refuses to say anything and just lets it go on. I care very much about her and I really do know she needs help. She is always borrowing money, and in a constant state of crisis. I wish I could help her but, I know I cannot it is very frustating....
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
