The Lovely Porn Video I Found On My Computer
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by wanalive03
ummm...being 25 year old male... I might lean toward birddog on this one...Not all porn is really distastfull... My girlfriend likes toys and such... I dont get all bent out of shape. Being human means we have animal roots and hardwiring. If I felt bad everytime I lusted after a pretty lady I might as well become a monk or preist. Not in this lifetime.
I dont get all bent out of shape.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 47
wanalive03: Do you think that porn has become a problem when a person has difficulty or is unable to function sexually with a live, human partner? Or is that just peachy in your ideology?
You might want to fully read other's sharing here about how porn addiction destroyed their relationships. Or maybe you should visit a Sex Anonymous, or Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, or a COSA meeting to see the hell that is wrought because of porn addictions. If you don't understand the consequences of porn addiction, please don't weigh in here.
You might want to fully read other's sharing here about how porn addiction destroyed their relationships. Or maybe you should visit a Sex Anonymous, or Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, or a COSA meeting to see the hell that is wrought because of porn addictions. If you don't understand the consequences of porn addiction, please don't weigh in here.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Ahhh.....hmmmm...... I don't want to be reminded that there might be "girlies" that look better than I that my hubby would want to "ride around the block" Ugggh....you can see our point no? When your dealing with something as serious as a sex addiction, hey, it's a big thing. Just keep that in mind.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Oregon
Posts: 80
Wannalive:
I wanna live too. I want to find joy and serenity and hope. If someone came to you and said what's the big deal, it's just one drink? It's just one hit?
I'm going to assume you are here to find your own hope, strength, peace, serenity because you have been affected by an addiction and that you are not here just to share all the great wisdom that you have gathered in 25 years as an egocentric male on this earth.
So I hope you'll allow me to share with you what someone else wrote. I just have a hard time believing that you read through all the posts and then that was the best post you could come up with. Something so callous and about animal roots?
So.. thank you cowgirlbenge for what you wrote.
"Porn draws the viewer into a destructive world of fantasy. The stimulation of reality loses its ability to compete with the excitement of fantasy and a couple's sexual relationship is damaged. It kills the soul, steals the heart and destroys the mind. Porn is progressive- magazines, video, the internet, soon the thrill of these experiences is gone and the user seeks sexual contact. (affairs or prostitution). Sex, to be in control and intamacy. More addictive than alcohol and drugs. Sex becomes the greatest need, not the greatest desire. Sex is wanted, demanded, and will be pursued at any cost.
To my husband at that time: " Porn: in flesh, on a picture, in your mind, or in a video, our intimate encounter is no longer intimate. When you obsess over the porn, I feel violated and exposed. I fell apart emotionally and physically because our intimate oneness had been destroyed. Your emotional islolation, lying, compulsive behavior, demanding, selfish attitude increased defensiveness and anger. It's a lack of respect for woman".
Keep in mind I wrote most of this while crying and it's been over 5 years ago...and I am still strongly against porn today.
My first husband loved porn. Couldn't get enough. I am grateful I was not with him when the internet came out.... my children however, while staying with him for visitation, got a rude awakening about the birds and the bees...they went into their dad's room at night, like they had done a million times, to find dad doing odd things and a very strange movie on....This was about 10 year ago.... They have lost a lot of contact with him, but the latest news regarding their dad, he is serving 2 five year sentences for sexual assault on a minor....now you tell me, is porn destructive to ones life?????? There is a pattern there."
by the way if we were excusing bad behavior for our animal roots, should we also excuse murder, rape, assults, theft? You know lust is one of the excuses many men all over the world use to keep women in their place.
I hope that you never have to feel the pain that many others have felt from this disease and I hope that you can educate yourself on the victims of the disease and go beyond what teenage boys talk about in the lockeroom.
It's called growing up, and it would be a pleasure to see you do some of that.
I wanna live too. I want to find joy and serenity and hope. If someone came to you and said what's the big deal, it's just one drink? It's just one hit?
I'm going to assume you are here to find your own hope, strength, peace, serenity because you have been affected by an addiction and that you are not here just to share all the great wisdom that you have gathered in 25 years as an egocentric male on this earth.
So I hope you'll allow me to share with you what someone else wrote. I just have a hard time believing that you read through all the posts and then that was the best post you could come up with. Something so callous and about animal roots?
So.. thank you cowgirlbenge for what you wrote.
"Porn draws the viewer into a destructive world of fantasy. The stimulation of reality loses its ability to compete with the excitement of fantasy and a couple's sexual relationship is damaged. It kills the soul, steals the heart and destroys the mind. Porn is progressive- magazines, video, the internet, soon the thrill of these experiences is gone and the user seeks sexual contact. (affairs or prostitution). Sex, to be in control and intamacy. More addictive than alcohol and drugs. Sex becomes the greatest need, not the greatest desire. Sex is wanted, demanded, and will be pursued at any cost.
To my husband at that time: " Porn: in flesh, on a picture, in your mind, or in a video, our intimate encounter is no longer intimate. When you obsess over the porn, I feel violated and exposed. I fell apart emotionally and physically because our intimate oneness had been destroyed. Your emotional islolation, lying, compulsive behavior, demanding, selfish attitude increased defensiveness and anger. It's a lack of respect for woman".
Keep in mind I wrote most of this while crying and it's been over 5 years ago...and I am still strongly against porn today.
My first husband loved porn. Couldn't get enough. I am grateful I was not with him when the internet came out.... my children however, while staying with him for visitation, got a rude awakening about the birds and the bees...they went into their dad's room at night, like they had done a million times, to find dad doing odd things and a very strange movie on....This was about 10 year ago.... They have lost a lot of contact with him, but the latest news regarding their dad, he is serving 2 five year sentences for sexual assault on a minor....now you tell me, is porn destructive to ones life?????? There is a pattern there."
by the way if we were excusing bad behavior for our animal roots, should we also excuse murder, rape, assults, theft? You know lust is one of the excuses many men all over the world use to keep women in their place.
I hope that you never have to feel the pain that many others have felt from this disease and I hope that you can educate yourself on the victims of the disease and go beyond what teenage boys talk about in the lockeroom.
It's called growing up, and it would be a pleasure to see you do some of that.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 70
Teendoc,
I can totally relate. My ex-husband was a porn addict. He was a long-time porn fan and I had no idea he was chasing this passion after we were married. I confronted him with it and offered this as one of the reasons for his issues with women in general. He agreed to dispose of it, and we disposed of the porn together, but I later found out he kept some of the movies. He tried to talk his way out of it, but I was drained and done w/ the relationship. Keep in mind that this wasn't the only issue, it was just the one at the forefront when I decided I was done. Good luck and know that you have lots of support here.
I can totally relate. My ex-husband was a porn addict. He was a long-time porn fan and I had no idea he was chasing this passion after we were married. I confronted him with it and offered this as one of the reasons for his issues with women in general. He agreed to dispose of it, and we disposed of the porn together, but I later found out he kept some of the movies. He tried to talk his way out of it, but I was drained and done w/ the relationship. Keep in mind that this wasn't the only issue, it was just the one at the forefront when I decided I was done. Good luck and know that you have lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 62
Sex addiction is very real, and watch out guys it is progressive...
\
Visit sexaholics anonymous website for more info and sex recovery meetings
http://www.sa.org
For family members of those that have been affected visit:
http://www.sanon.org
\
Visit sexaholics anonymous website for more info and sex recovery meetings
http://www.sa.org
For family members of those that have been affected visit:
http://www.sanon.org
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 62
who is a sex addict... this test will tell you....courtesy of sexaholics anonymous
est Yourself
1. Have you ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking or behavior?
2. That you'd be better off if you didn't keep "giving in"?
3. That sex or stimuli are controlling you?
4. Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?
5. Do you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can't cope?
6. Do you feel guilt, remorse or depression afterward?
7. Has your pursuit of sex become more compulsive?
8. Does it interfere with relations with your spouse?
9. Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?
10. Does an irresistible impulse arise when the other party makes the overtures or sex is offered?
11. Do you keep going from one "relationship" or lover to another?
12. Do you feel the "right relationship" would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?
13. Do you have a destructive need -- a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone?
14. Does pursuit of sex make you careless for yourself or the welfare of your family or others?
15. Has your effectiveness or concentration decreased as sex has become more compulsive?
16. Do you lose time from work for it?
17. Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?
18. Do you want to get away from the sex partner as soon as possible after the act?
19. Although your spouse is sexually compatible, do you still masturbate or have sex with others?
20. Have you ever been arrested for a sex-related offense?
SA Literature © 1982, 1984, 1989, 2001.
Reprinted with permission of SA Literature.
1. Have you ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking or behavior?
2. That you'd be better off if you didn't keep "giving in"?
3. That sex or stimuli are controlling you?
4. Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?
5. Do you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can't cope?
6. Do you feel guilt, remorse or depression afterward?
7. Has your pursuit of sex become more compulsive?
8. Does it interfere with relations with your spouse?
9. Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?
10. Does an irresistible impulse arise when the other party makes the overtures or sex is offered?
11. Do you keep going from one "relationship" or lover to another?
12. Do you feel the "right relationship" would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?
13. Do you have a destructive need -- a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone?
14. Does pursuit of sex make you careless for yourself or the welfare of your family or others?
15. Has your effectiveness or concentration decreased as sex has become more compulsive?
16. Do you lose time from work for it?
17. Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?
18. Do you want to get away from the sex partner as soon as possible after the act?
19. Although your spouse is sexually compatible, do you still masturbate or have sex with others?
20. Have you ever been arrested for a sex-related offense?
SA Literature © 1982, 1984, 1989, 2001.
Reprinted with permission of SA Literature.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 47
NJriverman: I want to thank you so much for suggesting S-Anon to me. I went to my first meeting last night and it was wonderful. I felt as though people really understood the pain I was going through. Being the partner of a sex addict is something not everyone gets or can relate to. The shame and isolation is so overwhelming. But the people at the meeting last night really understood.
Thank you so much!
Thank you so much!
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 407
Birddog -
You are a horse's patootie!!!!! Why don't you take your show on a different road and take your buddy Wannalive with you.
We don't come here to be hurt or insulted by those who obviously just want to shoot their mouths off.
Jo
You are a horse's patootie!!!!! Why don't you take your show on a different road and take your buddy Wannalive with you.
We don't come here to be hurt or insulted by those who obviously just want to shoot their mouths off.
Jo
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Boston
Posts: 710
Originally Posted by MissyBelle
Perhaps part of the problem here is that this is not a forum for those suffering from the effects of sex addiction.
I believe this is the correct forum, this forum is for anyone who is suffering from addiction and/or their family/friends who are suffering also.
I think the real problem is simple, it is much the same as it used to be with alcoholism. Many people still have addictions of any kind on a moral level, they have it on a moral issue. There are so many that do not understand what addiction is, and especially where sex is already so very hard to talk about under any circumstances, that misinformation and misunderstanding abound with addiction in general, and then throw the stigma of SEX in there.... and Boom.
Sexual addiction is much much different then just choosing to watch a porn movie. It is the complete lack of choice to NOT watch porn and to make choices in ones own life regarding their thoughts and actions.
Addiction is to have lost all power of choice with whatever the person is addicted to, whether it be alcohol, food, sex, gambling, shopping, drugs, people, and many other things.... and that complete lack of choice has absolutely devastating effects on the addict and ALL who are involved with the addict.
Addiction is not a moral issue, no matter what form the addiction takes. It is an illness that centers in the mind.
I am editing this for content, perhaps this forum IS the right place to be for family and friends of ALL addictions
Just my thoughts,
Patsy
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 47
Will Say Goodbye
Originally posted by MissyBelle: Perhaps part of the problem here is that this is not a forum for those suffering from the effects of sex addiction.
I also found this board and posted an introduction both in this section and on the newcomer's board. Again, despite the fact that it wasn't an alcohol issue, people were incredibly supportive to me and encouraged me to keep posting.
Yours is the first message that is essentially a this doesn't belong here-type of post, saying that if I am not talking about being a codependent of an alcoholic, then I need to find somewhere else to share. Luckily, thanks to the great people here, I have found both forums and a regular meeting to deal with the issues that I am facing. So even though by your point, I shouldn't have been posting here, I can say that posting here did save me.
So I will stop posting here if yours is the general sentiment of the group: that only alcohol issues should be discussed. I want to thank those who've supported me these few weeks so much. I'll continue to go to my Al-Anon meeting (where I am still welcome) and will attend the S-Anon group that I learned about from this board.
Thanks again everyone, and sorry for have disrupted things here.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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teendoc, you have distrupted nothing. You needed to vent and the majority of us were here for you. Yes, there were some rude comments, but not all of us here feel the same way. I have shared my experiences with my husbands porn addiction and the people here have been very supportive. Please don't leave because of a few insensative people. We are here for you no matter what you need to share.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by MissyBelle
Perhaps part of the problem here is that this is not a forum for those suffering from the effects of sex addiction.
Addiction to a substance carries with it behaviors. All these behaviors affect the co-dependant. This is a forum for co-dependants to discuss their concerns about the behaviors impacting their lives.
Again, what problem?
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Join Date: Jul 2004
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I don't want anyone to think that I am being dramatic. It's just that I don't want to cause further issues here on the forum with my posting on this topic if people think it is the wrong section to do so. It would be fabulous if this board had sections to deal with porn/sex addiction, because this is such a great place to come and share.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by teendoc
I don't want anyone to think that I am being dramatic. It's just that I don't want to cause further issues here on the forum with my posting on this topic if people think it is the wrong section to do so. It would be fabulous if this board had sections to deal with porn/sex addiction, because this is such a great place to come and share.
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Michigan
Posts: 34
I have been a "lurker" on these boards for more than a year. I have gained much knowledge about codependency. I have been reluctant to post, because my dh is a sex addict. I feared much of the same types of responses I saw here.
I agree that the effects of living with addiction have SO many similiarities. In the program I have learned to look for our similiarities instead of our differences.
I agree that the effects of living with addiction have SO many similiarities. In the program I have learned to look for our similiarities instead of our differences.
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